My Reindeer Selections

As I ride two hours with Kelsey and her mom to go pick up Kelsey's grandmother in the middle of Iowa, I wisely brought my computer and decided to throw up a holiday post.

As most everyone knows, Santa had nine reindeer.  I believe their names were Dancer, Dasher, Prancer, Vixon, Comit, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and one really popular one named Rudolph the Red Nose Reinstick.  I did that off memory without having to look it up, so please keep your applause to a minimum. 

Anyway, as I continue to gain weight thanks to my carb and wine only diet, I was thinking that I'm not too far off from interviewing for a Santa job in the future.  I love cookies, I like presents, and I'm really, really good at wrapping.  Because I love drafting and picking teams, I thought it would be perfect to identify the guys in PCTI that need to physically prepare in 2013 by improving their abilities to drag a sleigh.  Below in order is who I would select to replace the current set of reindeer, and why:

1-Dasher; Smo:

A good communicator with a proven record in logistics, having Smo in the front would guarantee the team would be able cover every house in the world over the course of the 4 hour allotment of delivering gifts.  His height and length will make it easy for the reindeer towards the back to understand any changes in routing and ensuring the quickest and most fluid route possible.  Seeing as how I don't know how to get anywhere, a master of logistics is necessary.  Maybe the most important part of his skills is Smo's unbelievable stamina, which will be a huge perk on such a high octane night.

2-Dancer; Michael Beasley:

Known for his dancing, fluid hips, and good base, Dancer's name matches up perfectly with Beas's skill set.  Since the power guys are needed in the back of the sleigh, getting the speed guys is necessary for success.  A guy with a well regarded history as a boat captain, the transition from boat to sleigh should be seamless.  His experience dealing with snow will be intrical on a team of deadbeats that would shut down at the sign of a flurry, so his snow leadership will be able to keep this group together when the going gets tough.

3-Prancer; Joe Thompson:

Both prima donna's, the transition from Prancer prancing around to The Actor being scared of messing up his pretty white grill, both have their fair share of negatives.  A high risk pick, the team of reindeer must hope Actor will be motivated and ready to perform in his role of "Cultured" deer.  His knowledge of the best coast, along with Europe will offer some help, and his fantastic natural conditioning will be a great fit for the team during a long night.  If he can keep his attitude in check and doesn't get disgruntled at any point, it could be a steal for Santa.

4-Vixon; Bryan McKinney:

Many people would probably think McKinney is on this list because he is a smart guy that would add a lot of savvy with his ability to pack a ton into a small bag, but that's the furthest reason as to why this selection. I believe McKinney is the dumbest smart person I know.  Actually, no convincing needed.  He convinced me of this 10 years ago.  The good news is that beyond his role as designated sleigh packer, his outrageous conditioning, can do attitude and friendship with the Actor will go a long way in keeping the Actor happy, and with his legs churning non stop, keeping the sleigh going all night long.

5-Comet; Josh Stephen:

Now we start to bring in the brute strength group to give the sleigh the necessary push it needs.  A high motor idea guy, Abe will bring effort, strength, and a plethora of random thoughts that could really go a long way in improving Christmas for everyone involved.  Maybe we are stumped on what to get someone, Abe will give us the idea.  Every team needs a creator/creative guy.  That's his role, and after the chef thought, no one will debate what he brings to the tabstick.

6-Cupid; Brian Eskildsen:

At this point I don't think anyone would debate that Cupid just makes sense for PCTI's newest "Big Pun."  No one drops his success with women as subtly as Skillz, so inserting him into this role is the easiest choice of all.  Bringing his skillset of discipline, strategy, and conditioning, he will make sure to keep the team focused on the task at hand, and doing whatever needs to be done to accomplish what we set out to do... And look good doing it.

7-Donner; Scott Donley:

Keeping the trend towards the back of the sleigh brute strength, conditioning, good looks, and snow experience.. Donley is the only experienced snow blower/shoveler on the team (He is no South Bend Shovel Slam though), helping him carve out a significant niche as a role player, a lot like he does on the basketball court.  Also, him taking this role would finally give his wife a legitimate reason to be proud of him, rather than just his Hast like abs. 

8-Blitzen; Bruiser Van Gay:

Who else better to push the pile than the power squatting, dead lifting, power cleaning, Cruisemoneystick.  This is a high risk, high reward pick as Stickman is currently suffering from a knee injury suffered from a kickball game (#priorities), so whether he can provide that stout backbone on this important team remains to be seen.  One trait that is non-existant on the rest of the squad is his off the charts talent that he has with kids.  His dimples and smile make him a jolly old man, so expect him to be a potential MVP candidate if he can get through his kickball injury.

9-Rudolph; Ben Wilson:

Sticks out like a sore thumb with no discernable skills/traits/etc.  Good for a wisecrack or two, but nothing else.  Fits the mold but will destruct the team, and thus Christmas altogether.

 Happy holidays.  Remember, they are holiday trees, not Christmas trees.