The Donley Impasse

Hey fellas,

Let's jump straight to it, if you haven't heard already, I am no longer able to make it to PCTI this year. I found out on Friday and was hopeful for something to change, but it doesn't seem that this particular timeline is adjustable. I'm going to take some time in this post to talk a bit about what's come up, mostly about what's going on with me, and finally about what PCTI means to me (as I imagine it means something just a bit different for everyone) - and let's be honest, I've been pretty vacant this offseason. If you're frustrated and annoyed after reading thus far, feel free to send me a GFY emoji and end it right here, but regardless of what percentage of people stop here, I'm going to trudge on because this exercise will be therapeutic to me if nothing else...

WHAT CAME UP
For those that are like me and don't keep up with the details of everyone else's lives, I recently took a new job (still with Starbucks) at headquarters in Seattle. It is a great opportunity for me and a big step within the supply chain world to set the stage for the rest of my career, so all in all good news. But as the saying goes 'with great power comes great responsibility", now that may be a bit egotistical of me to use 'great power' when referencing myself, but fuck it, half of you are pissed at me as it is. So on Friday an opportunity came up for us to further our business in a big way with a fairly large corporation that lives just down the road from us here in Seattle - they being the ones that just dropped a quick $13.7 Bill to acquire everyone's favorite over-priced organic food grocer. As Director of CPG supply chain strategy, I'm running point on both this relationship and understanding the capital investment it will take to 'win big'. So a bunch of work-speak to get to the point, the top-to-top proposal meeting is set for next Friday (insert gut-punch and one of the most blood sucked out of your face moments of my work life). For those involved in these you know that it's built off executive availability, which means my ability to influence is jack-shit...so much for that 'great power'. I had a prep meeting with my boss this morning hoping to hear that it is just too short notice and that it would be pushed out, but to no avail...

WHY I NEEDED PCTI, ESPECIALLY THIS YEAR
I've been pretty vacant in the email chains, blog space, or just any interaction regarding PCTI. It's not that I'm not paying attention, but just that life has overtaken me a bit. I'm going to give some insight into what's been going on with me and why this has changed the way I think about PCTI, staying in shape, and having things to look forward too.

The reason I moved to Cincinnati was to help take care of my mother as her health declined. I was prepared for that undertaking, but what I didn't expect is all the other dog-shit that happened in the last 12mo. Here's the timeline of cunty-ness:

1. Nov 2016 - - I spent 3mo cleaning, packing, moving and selling my moms house and moving her into a condo. She lives alone and is physically is disabled not able to lift more than 15lbs, this became a full-time second job.
2. Dec 2016 - - my brother-in-law passes (wife's bro) away due to liver failure caused by alcoholism, this on top of my mother-in-law passing less than 18mo prior from cancer. If you haven't had to go through loss with your spouse or loved one, it's one of the hardest things to endure and to have two within 2yrs has really taken it's toll on our family
3. Dec 2016 - my dad's wife was diagnosed with early onset dementia (Pat Summit disease) and starts to get lost frequently and not remember people 
4. Feb 2017 - LARKIN MASSEY DONLEY was born! New baby, they aren't much work right?
5. Feb 2017 - received an offer I couldn't refuse to move to Seattle despite knowing how hard it would be on the fam 
6. Mar 2017 - my mother has a sever health episode and I spent 4 nights in the hospital with her away from the new baby, wife, and G - - all while listening to her tell the doctors she messed up her medication after receiving distressing news (that news, her son is moving to Seattle...)
7. Mar 2017 - on the doctors recommendation, I had to inform my mother she was no longer fit to live on her own and needed to move again, into assisted living
8. Mar 2017 - dad's wife's situation escalates into stage 6 creating a situation where she can no longer live outside of an assisted facility
9. Apr 2017 - filed for power of attorney of mother's finances and health, then had to repack, prep for sale her condo
10. Apr 2017 - start new job, doing one week in Seattle and one week in Cincy until move at end of May (the promptly added a direct flight the week after I moved, fuckers)
11. May 2017 - move to Seattle
12. June 2017 - received an acceptance for an offer on a house 

So, a lot going on and if you've ever read the top 10 life stressors I think I have 11. I put this in bullet point-ish format and scaled it down so I didn't ramble on and on, but know that each of these things takes so much share of mind and thought that it's been a bear on me personally. Now, life happens and I don't tell you this for sympathy but moreso to get to the next part:

WHAT PCTI MEANS TO ME, AND HOW THAT MEANING HAS CHANGED

PCTI has expanded in what it represents for me this year. It represents an escape from life, it represents an escape from the mundane, it represents a brotherhood, it represents an endgame to push me to be in better shape, it represents relief in the form of relaxation and the ability to laugh, it represents a beacon of light in 12mo of unwavering despair, it represents commitment to something and to people that I am proud of, it represents insight into just how few things bring me pure joy in this world outside of my wife and kids, it represents my love for competition and the game, it represents my fuck you to father time for as long as I can manage, it represents the transformation of an idea into an event, it represents continuous improvement and the commitment to growth of experience, it represents something that I need. It represents...me.

I've not needed PCTI more than I need it this year and now I have to come to terms with the fact that I don't get to partake. So if it's all the same to you, I'm going to slip back in the shadows as I'd rather not hear about the experience this year. But I do wish you all luck and hope everyone stays healthy. 

With sincerity, godspeed. 

Your brother,

Scott D.