PCTI: The World's Most Exclusive Club: April 2014

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

In regards to the last pick, "I'd draft syphilis before I drafted Joe"

Speaking of creativity, I'm not even going to write down who Pitto picked, you all know who it is, and now Pitto has the satisfaction of seeing one of his plans work.

I blame BMac

Playing Dr

Thought about taking Esky here to see how it shook up the already questionable mental stability of Pitboy Slim. But I'm selecting the man that will keep Deuce laughing all weekend, and a laughing Deuce equals a good time.

Dr. Jesus Thornson is my pick.

Silver back to the podium

With the 3rd pick in the roomie draft, Joshua Pitto selects....NATURE BOY BEAS, WHAT AN UPSET!!!

With the 4th pick, Donkey selects...DEUCE. What a steal at 4.

With the backend of the snake, Michael Orr selects Bruiser at #5 and Big Brent Carney at #6. Cue the Brat wondering why he went 6 and not 5.

Real #1, Wes is a loser

I will select Joshua Stephenson for my room...GOD IT WILL FEEL ALLSOME TO BE THE "1" IN JOSH'S 4-1 AND LET HIM KNOW ABOUT IT FACE TO FACE

"I'm a retard" - Wes-Watchers

With the first overall selection in the roommate draft Wes the maroon selects Spotlight, QP.

"1) Spotlight - what else needs to be said? Only Q-pod member with redeemable qualities and as well, fun to get under the Q pod's skin to start a draft."

wow... WOW! A member of the QP goes first in a draft where being socially awesome is the key component. Shocked #notshocked

Mock yaaaaa

Mock from 37000 ft

Let me start off by saying I smell something a bit fishy in regard to these captains. big Bambi is a seasoned camera man, and he can’t even film himself pulling the names out of the hat? Not to mention the slapstick effort to keep the camera somewhat steady. Basically what we have here is an effort to split the greatest quartet since 98 degrees. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if his partner in crime, Dan “the DICtator” Man, was in on this sneaky behind the scenes action.

A few disappointing moments after this list of Titans was revealed my hope was restored when I recollected the PCTI roomy draft of 2013. There were pics traded, In-n-Out Burgers promised, and people stabbed directly in the back. This years draft holds promise to be the craziest yet.

Some of you might be sitting in your cubicles (most PCTI), laying in bed after an erotic romp with a couple beautiful women (Spotlight), sitting in make-up getting your cheeks powdered and hair sculpted to perfection (BC), admiring your 100 empty tea boxes stacked on your desk (DICtator Dan), enjoying a nice homemade breakfast and watching Saved By the Bell reruns (Osama Bin Wilson), or prepping the bar for an epic Russian Vodka sponsored disco-tech party (ABE AKA Brian Flannigan greatest bartender of all time) and thinking to yourself that the roommate draft is irrelevant. Oh contraire, my PCTI brethers. Your room will dictate the tempo for your entire trip. Would you rather have a tempo-setter like Deuce, or a guy who prohibits the use of profanity in his room like Brian McFishstick? Enough said….DO NOT TAKE THIS DRAFT LIGHTLY.

Although I in no way anticipate the draft order remaining the same, here are my projections:

11. Wes

· Dan the DICtator Man- With the first pic Wes goes out on a short, sturdy limb and tries to create the worst room of all time. With DICman in your room you are assured to be awaken at 5:30AM daily. In addition, you will get the pleasure of DICstick Dan having every member of PCTI in your room for the majority of the trip. Also, you are guaranteed to hear Dic$Dan spending most of his time talking about how much he hates Beas, Dr. Gunner Dawson, and Osama Bin.

22. Bin

· Spotlight- It is no secret the Spotlight sits atop the list of most-coveted roomy. Spotlight is known for engaging in threesomes. With this pic Bin hopes to capitalize and be in Spotlight’s first threesome in which there are two pitchers and one catcher.

33. Pitto

· Brian Eskildsen- This wins the award for most boring pic in the 2014 PCTI draft.

44. Papa Cock Donley

· Jeoffrey Sabin- Given his wisdom and experience in rearing a well-rounded child, Prince Jeoffrey has shot way up on Papa Cock’s draft board. Now that Papa’s priorities align with those of Sabes, we can expect to see long-winded discussions on parenting.

55. Smo

· Sir Anthony Hopkins- There have been rumors of tensions between these two since Smo abdicated his throne in Chatty and bolted for Dallas and a so-called brighter future. Over the last few months there has been time for AHop to lick his wounds. With this pick Smo paves the way for full reconciliation.

66. Smo

· Beas- It is no secret that these two have a rich history of pimpin’ and partying together. Although, it seems now that Smo has locked down a keeper and is off the market. Therefore, this pic is strictly business, produce business to be exact. With Lipman Logistics looking to bring on high-level talent to accommodate it’s rapidly expanding fleet, Smo sees greener, Krow-free pastures ahead.

77. Papa Donley

· Bryan McFish- With this pic Papa secures the most mature room in PCTI. It has been said that McFish was not able to take a single shit the duration of PCTI IV his ass hole was so tight. This year McFish looks forward to a relaxing week in Denver in which he can kick back and share some stories from his infamous fishing trip which wreaked havoc on the entire month of June for PCTI V.

88. Pitto

· BBC- With Skills already in his room, there is no one left that Pitto likes. Being the ultimate me-first guy, Pitto chooses BC in hopes he can lobby for more shots by getting BC to pass him the ball. This room has the highest probability for implosion because all three members think they know everything about the game of basketball.

99. Bin

· Abe- Bin is getting unbelievable value scooping AbrOham at #9. Abe will assist Bin in navigating his way from show to show. In addition Abe will give Bin access to all the illegal substances he could ask for. He will also be blessed with witnessing the newly awarded best teeth in PCTI.

110. Wes

· Bruiser- This pick could not be more perfect for Wes-Watchers. If there are two things Wes loves, they are food and beer. These align perfectly with Bruisers strengths of eating and drinking. If Wes tries to keep up with Bruiser in either of these categories we could see his abysmal numbers drop to unperceivable depths.

111. Wes

· Deuce- At this point Wes does not even have a say in his final pick. DicDan, fearing the possibility of Dr. Gunner Dawson turning their room into an improve shop, threatens Wes-nuggets with expulsion from PCTI if he does not draft Deuce.

112. Ben

· Dr. Dawson- With days of scheming, Bin has somehow finagled each rommy captain to pic exactly how he pleased and grabs his most coveted pick at #12. Great teeth, great looks, music connoisseur, substance savant, lady killer, sports guru, Dr., Actor, JOE THOMPSON. This room = Party boy room

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Wilson's Roommate Big Board 1.0

As draft day nears, here's your first look at my updated Big Board for our potential prospects. These reflect my personal rankings, not how I think the draft will go...I'll provide pro's/con's for each prospect and point out specific criteria that may have affected a prospect's positioning on the Board. No rankings were given to Room Captains, as they are one of the saddest set of people ever selected to choose anything. Without further (Freddy) Adu, your rankings:

1) Deuce: Pro's--This guy, I love this guy right here. Epitome of awesome. Tape speaks for itself. No flaws.

2) Spot: Pro's--Cling to this guy long enough and you'll be able to gobble up whatever scraps he leaves you, which due to his ridiculously good looks will be better than anything you'd ever be able to pull yourself. Con's--You'll always be that "ugly friend" when with him, so just take your medicine and try to crack some non-Thompsonian jokes.

3) BC: Pro's--Will keep you loose on your feet (and in your hips) with well-timed comedic banter. Basically akin to a wristband that gets you into all the bars with one single cover charge, as he's coveted by all existing PCTI cliques. Con's--Will be one month out from becoming Mr. Beavin so you have to hope that his mind is in the right place for the weekend.

4) Abe: Pro's--Home city advantage, direct link to all the happening "joints" in Danver ;). Never met a time he couldn't make good. Con's--Takes longer than me to get ready, which is really saying something. Most likely to bring about gang-related violence by boning the wrong guy's wife.

5) AHop: Pro's--Always down for whatever and makes it a point to facilitate good times outside the hardwood, as he isn't the contributor on the floor that he once was. Con's--Snores when drunk, showers infrequently, may be pouty being separated from the qP. Affiliation with the Bored drops him from 4 to 5.

6) Nature Boy Beas: Pro's--Look no further than those eyes. Easy to get lost in both them and deep conversation. Spiritual healer. Con's--A lock to construct a tree fort in his room for a more natural habitat, increasing the likelihood of bear attacks throughout the weekend.

7) The Actor: Pro's--Brings a solid bro mentality to any room. Many fan allegiances so you'll always have an ally when watching baseball (WOOF) throughout the weekend. Con's--You'll undoubtedly play the role of crash test dummy for new acting techniques and routines if you draft this guy, and most of them will undoubtedly suck. Comedy routines drop him out of the top 5.

8) Bruise: Pro's--You'll never be without an eating companion with this guy at your disposal. Con's--However, must eat often or you'll acquire several dreaded "incidental" charges on your VISA #hangry.

9) BMac: Pro's--Recently engaged (way to go idiot!) so perhaps he realizes his life will soon be ending and will pop the top and unleash himself from his pre-meditated word count for the weekend. Breakout candidate for fifth year in a row. Con's--Might be difficult getting any kind of sleep in his room due to high volume of learned grunts/noise releases from years of WOD's.

10) Skilly: Pro's--Access to ESPN Insider information, as his carry-on will only have trapper-keepers full of scouting reports for each PCTI'er #themoreyouknow. Con's--"Where you go, I will follow" -Pitto

11) Ca$h Crow: Pro's--If you need to catch up on late night Seinfeld episodes or old WCW pay-per-views, this is your guy. Also provides unlimited access to hair gel for duration of weekend. Con's--Hotel room will look like Madden's playroom with all the props for his #selfies strewn about. Grade-A complainer and overall drain on room fun. Main player on the Bored will forever keep him at the bottom of the rankings.

12) Sabin: Pro's--does his own thing and stays out of the way outside of the hardwood. Heavy sleeper from what I remember. Con's--He's like the nerd at the sleepover that falls asleep at 9pm. Old. Note: Pro's and Con's could be swapped? Draft's biggest question mark.

That concludes our Big Board 1.0 as anticipation is at a fever pitch for the upcoming draft. Who will be the biggest movers on draft day? Tune in tomorrow to find out.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

PCTI Mania!!!

On the best day of the year (Wrestlemania), I wanted to take a few minutes to pay respects to the two things in this world I enjoy... Wrestling and PCTI. After going through the "30 Years of Wrestlemania" feature on WWE2K14, it jogged my memory that my favorite of the 30 was Wrestlemania 5. With PCTI5 on the horizon, I can only hope to remember all the details of the upcoming trip the way I do Wrestlemania 5, 25 years later.

Allow me to give some visual comparisons of past and present WWE Superstars with our roster of athletes.

Bray Wyatt (Leader of the Wyatt Family)/Ben Wilson (Leader of the Wilson Family)