Mock yaaaaa

Mock from 37000 ft

           

Let me start off by saying I smell something a bit fishy in regard to these captains. big Bambi is a seasoned camera man, and he can’t even film himself pulling the names out of the hat?  Not to mention the slapstick effort to keep the camera somewhat steady.  Basically what we have here is an effort to split the greatest quartet since 98 degrees.  I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if his partner in crime, Dan “the DICtator” Man, was in on this sneaky behind the scenes action. 

           

A few disappointing moments after this list of Titans was revealed my hope was restored when I recollected the PCTI roomy draft of 2013.  There were pics traded, In-n-Out Burgers promised, and people stabbed directly in the back.   This years draft holds promise to be the craziest yet.

            Some of you might be sitting in your cubicles (most PCTI), laying in bed after an erotic romp with a couple beautiful women (Spotlight), sitting in make-up getting your cheeks powdered and hair sculpted to perfection (BC), admiring your 100 empty tea boxes stacked on your desk (DICtator Dan), enjoying a nice homemade breakfast and watching Saved By the Bell reruns (Osama Bin Wilson), or prepping the bar for an epic Russian Vodka sponsored disco-tech party (ABE AKA Brian Flannigan greatest bartender of all time) and thinking to yourself that the roommate draft is irrelevant.  Oh contraire, my PCTI brethers.  Your room will dictate the tempo for your entire trip.  Would you rather have a tempo-setter like Deuce, or a guy who prohibits the use of profanity in his room like Brian McFishstick?  Enough said….DO NOT TAKE THIS DRAFT LIGHTLY.

Although I in no way anticipate the draft order remaining the same, here are my projections:

11.    Wes

·      Dan the DICtator Man-  With the first pic Wes goes out on a short, sturdy limb and tries to create the worst room of all time.  With DICman in your room you are assured to be awaken at 5:30AM daily.  In addition, you will get the pleasure of DICstick Dan having every member of PCTI in your room for the majority of the trip.  Also, you are guaranteed to hear Dic$Dan spending most of his time talking about how much he hates Beas, Dr. Gunner Dawson, and Osama Bin.

22.    Bin

·      Spotlight-  It is no secret the Spotlight sits atop the list of most-coveted roomy.  Spotlight is known for engaging in threesomes.  With this pic Bin hopes to capitalize and be in Spotlight’s first threesome in which there are two pitchers and one catcher.

33.    Pitto

·      Brian Eskildsen-  This wins the award for most boring pic in the 2014 PCTI draft. 

44.    Papa Cock Donley

·      Jeoffrey Sabin-  Given his wisdom and experience in rearing a well-rounded child, Prince Jeoffrey has shot way up on Papa Cock’s draft board.  Now that Papa’s priorities align with those of Sabes, we can expect to see long-winded discussions on parenting.

55.    Smo

·      Sir Anthony Hopkins-  There have been rumors of tensions between these two since Smo abdicated his throne in Chatty and bolted for Dallas and a so-called brighter future.  Over the last few months there has been time for AHop to lick his wounds.  With this pick Smo paves the way for full reconciliation.

66.    Smo

·      Beas-  It is no secret that these two have a rich history of pimpin’ and partying together.  Although, it seems now that Smo has locked down a keeper and is off the market.  Therefore, this pic is strictly business, produce business to be exact.  With Lipman Logistics looking to bring on high-level talent to accommodate it’s rapidly expanding fleet, Smo sees greener, Krow-free pastures ahead.

77.    Papa Donley

·      Bryan McFish-  With this pic Papa secures the most mature room in PCTI.  It has been said that McFish was not able to take a single shit the duration of PCTI IV his ass hole was so tight.  This year McFish looks forward to a relaxing week in Denver in which he can kick back and share some stories from his infamous fishing trip which wreaked havoc on the entire month of June for PCTI V.

88.    Pitto

·      BBC- With Skills already in his room, there is no one left that Pitto likes.  Being the ultimate me-first guy, Pitto chooses BC in hopes he can lobby for more shots by getting BC to pass him the ball.  This room has the highest probability for implosion because all three members think they know everything about the game of basketball.

99.    Bin

·      Abe-  Bin is getting unbelievable value scooping AbrOham at #9.  Abe will assist Bin in navigating his way from show to show.  In addition Abe will give Bin access to all the illegal substances he could ask for.  He will also be blessed with witnessing the newly awarded best teeth in PCTI.

110. Wes

·      Bruiser-  This pick could not be more perfect for Wes-Watchers.  If there are two things Wes loves, they are food and beer.  These align perfectly with Bruisers strengths of eating and drinking.   If Wes tries to keep up with Bruiser in either of these categories we could see his abysmal numbers drop to unperceivable depths.

111. Wes

·      Deuce- At this point Wes does not even have a say in his final pick. DicDan, fearing the possibility of Dr. Gunner Dawson turning their room into an improve shop, threatens Wes-nuggets with expulsion from PCTI if he does not draft Deuce. 

112. Ben

·      Dr. Dawson-   With days of scheming, Bin has somehow finagled each rommy captain to pic exactly how he pleased and grabs his most coveted pick at #12.  Great teeth, great looks, music connoisseur, substance savant, lady killer, sports guru, Dr., Actor, JOE THOMPSON.  This room = Party boy room