Roommate Mock Draft PCTI IIIII

Fuck the real draft. Everyone knows your roommates for the weekend are the most important aspect of PCTI. They are with you for virtually 100% of the weekend.

This the First Mock Roommate Draft of PCTI IIIIII. Additionally, I just counted out how many Roman Numerals and it is crazy/awesome that we are now in our 6^th year. Total tribute to everyone here for sticking around for pedestrian basketball, great nights of drinking, and love/hating everyone in this thing.

I picked these 4 captains out of a hat at random: 1) Donley, 2) Danielle, 3) TAFKAS (The Artist formerly known as Smo), and 4) Bestie (BMac).

1^st Pick: BC.

Pros: Witty banter; “yes” man; silent sleeper

Cons: Shady; will never be in possession of a roomkey; married

Donley gets the ultimate funny man and a guy who goes with the flow. The ultimate “yes man” to any situation looks great on paper until he shades out on you to hang with Wes. Donley will thoroughly enjoy being in control of always having a room key that BC will forget approximately 48 times throughout the weekend.

2^nd Pick: Spotlight

Pros: Exceptional conversationalist; drinks heavily; great sense of direction

Cons: may have Malaria or West Nile Virus; QP loyal; bout to be wifed up.

This pick reunites DK with his Boston Bro, Paco. DK is beyond excited Paco falls right into his lap at the #2 spot. Long talks about Boston, Augustana, and basketball makes this an easy sell for DK. Although, he won’t be too thrilled having to sleep with a net around his bed, and waking up in the middle of the night when Paco stumbles into the room at 4am, DK will chalk it up to the cost of doing business.

3^rd Pick: Ben Wilson

Pros: Works at the Vandy Bookstore; sneaky funny; single

Cons: Hairy like animal; sweats through shirts

This pick reunites two bros who share love for the worst place on earth: Chattanooga. The Artist knows exactly what he is getting into by drafting Ben. Great humor, a former bestie, and a great sidekick. Ben always comes equipped with a foam roller but manages to leave his lint roller. The Artist will come prepared and shave this potentially hairy situation. Allah, I’m good.

4^th Pick: Doctor

Pros: Hollywood stories; HILARIOUS; single

Cons: pale; sensitive; is he Jewish or Christian?

Pretty easy pick. BMac picks his bestie and the guy who makes him laugh the most. BMac, now that he is married, won’t need to worry about potentially bad situations with females as the Actor has no game and he is now the palest person in PCTI (thanks Saybin).

5^th Pick (snake back to BMac): Wes

Pros: best eater in PCTI; craft beer specialist; laid back

Cons: best eater in PCTI; technology deficient; MARRIED

BMac assures himself of great sleeping for the entire weekend. Wes lays low, knows his way around an IPA, and can eat with the best of ‘em. On the flipside, BMac will find himself constantly answering burning questions about “email” and “iPhone 4 applications,” which may lead to a rare BMac snap. Wes gets to talk trash to his favorite adversary, the Doctor. Peaches n’ cream Fireworks in room 112!

6^th Pick (TAFKAS): Hops

Pros: Ringleader; night owl; sneaky funny

Cons: try to sell you insurance you don’t need; QP loyal; MARRIED

The Artist lets Ben get his ear and drafts Hops. The Artist appreciates that he doesn’t have to be in charge of anything for the weekend except driving duties and happily lets Hops be in the ringleader on the activities front. This room has everything covered: nightly plans, inside jokes for the weekend, constant shit-talking, and insurance premiums. As 2 of 3 the men in room 1999 will be married, don’t expect too much canoodling except from Ben, our PCTI Canoodling Expert.

7^th Pick (DK): Beas

Pros: Like totally chill, mun; devastatingly great-looking, Portlander

Cons: probably wears Toms, refuses to eat GMOs, QP loyal

DK refuses to let his best Brentwood bro fall any further and snags Beas. By having two of the QP in the same room, DK can start working on breaking up the worst faction in the history of PCTI. Beas’ laid back, sleep anywhere demeanor means DK and Paco won’t have to share a bed all weekend. Paco and Beas are two of the resident late night partiers which may create some friction for DK. Will DK’s power moves set these two dogs nightly habits straight or will it be a 3 Dog Night?

8^th Pick (Donley): Abe

Pros: Easy going; drinks like a sailor; calves

Cons: Workaholic; gets injured while rebounding; QP loyal

The Saybin pick (last man out) goes to Abe in this mock draft. Donley gets to lead his aimless roommates to all events and take responsibility for their belongings. Abe gets to bond with Donley about working all the time. BC, Donley, and Abe get to showcase the body dichotomy of PCTI posts players. Although it was close, this room will take the best looking trophy in stride. It’ll be really hot in this room. Like 98 degrees hot.