Saturday Night Creative Writing

It's been many moons since I've posted.

Only fitting that my blogspot comeback be absolutely nothing about basketball. PCTI has brought this awesome brotherhood to me and so now I share this story with all of you whom I think can and will appreciate it.

* Full Disclaimer - I'm pretty high and have been the large majority of the evening so I hope reading this story is as funny to you as it is to me right now.

Until very recently, I drove an incredibly shitty car. Danny can vouch since he was in it last week. No homo. It's a black '97 Honda Civic. No AC all summer. Extremely dented. Taped down sunroof. Manual windows. I repeat, manual windows and no AC. Can't open the trunk. No spare tire. No real muffler. Etc, etc.

The last straw was Thursday when my brakes pretty much went out. I could still brake, but barely. Until then it was all inconvenient shit I just had to bear, now it was no longer safe to have on the road. So needless to say, but I'll say it anyway, time to take it to the shop. Upon inspection it was deemed that it would cost roughly $3100 to fix it because the brakes were just the tip of the iceberg of the many other severe problems that needed to be repaired. Turns out it wasn't very safe before the brakes went out. I had to say, that car represented a lot to me. Mainly though, it represented my willingness and sacrifice to get out of debt. So yea... it meant something even though it was a piece of shit and dammit I'll miss you Trixie (actual given name - she was full of tricks).

Whatever. Time to move on.

I started looking at cars online and decided that I've always wanted a Wrangler (always was a little bit jealous of you and yours, Ahop) so I began my quest for the perfect Jeep. For under eight grand, though. Still gotta ball on that budget dawg.

I finally found one that caught my eye after a couple days. Fit the bill... Low miles, clean and intact, big sexy mud tires, some newer additions and upgrades, and I could get down with white after having a scorching black satan machine.

Not too bad looking, right? So begins the heart of this story. An email exchange between me and George regarding his "JEEP Wrangler YJ 1995".

Josh:
Is your Jeep still available?

George:
Hello, 
 Yes the Jeep YJ  is still available and for sale. We are asking cash only if your interested.

Thanks George

Josh:Awesome! From the pics online it looks like its in really good condition for it's age. I did have a couple questions...- What size are the tires and how much tread is left on them?- Is there a lift on it? (doesn't look like it from the pics but wanted to be sure)- Is there any work that you know of that needs to be done?I'm very interested and would love to look at it. Have you had much interest?Thanks!

George:Hello, the jeep is in great condition. I have keept it clean .The tires are 33inch with 18 inch black rim. Not to much thread on them but they work just fineNo lift kit. I was going to install one they run around 450.0  for a 4inch lift. We got a newer truck and paid for the lift to be added on that instead :) No work needs to be done on this . It is mechanically sound and I have had no problems with it at all.  Anything that needs to be done to this is totally cosmetic. Im not adding anything more to this  that's up to whom ever buys it.  It runs great . looks great . Ill be off  work the next few days and can stick around if you would like to  have a peek. We are asking CASH onlyGeorge

Josh:Thanks George,Would you be available this evening or weekend for me to come look at it? Also, would you be ok with me taking it to my mechanic to have it checked out if I do want to buy it?I will have the cash on Monday so that won't be a problem. Let me know if all of that sounds reasonable.George:I'll be abailbe tomorrow, however I can't let you just take my jeep. Either bring your mechanic here or I'll drive it to him.  Anytime after 2pm tomorrow works for me

Josh:Totally understand. I have a pretty busy day tomorrow but I can meet tomorrow evening. Would 7:30 work?As far as getting it checked out, I’d be willing to have a place up there look at it so you don’t have to come down to Denver. Assuming I can see it tomorrow night... If everything looks good would you be able to drop it off at a place I choose on Monday? I’ll pay for the inspection of course. And then If everything checks out at the shop I will have the cash and can take it Monday night.

George:Sorry buddy, if you want to look at the jeep, test drive it and you like it you got from 2-5 pmtoday. Im not taking it nowhere. You can buy it from me and you can drive it off from here and take it .. if that don't work for you that's ok. Take it or leave it

Josh:Ok well good luck selling it. You seem like a pretty big prick so I don’t trust buying it from you anyway.

George:I'm in no hurry to sell it. Its structurely sound buddy. And don't be so tough. I'm pretty sure I would fuk your ass up.

George:Heres my address 3471 W 106th pl.westminster co. l fk dare you yu fkn punk. 

Josh:Uh oh for you mister macho man... You really want to challenge me on your home turf??? I'm sure you will reconsider after you read the following:

• I have a triple black belt in the martial art form known as Jeet Kun Do. Trained by Bruce Lee himself. Look him up, he's legit.

• I also have a Grandmaster World Tiitle in spear making and also spear throwing (seperate events believe it or not).

• Once my brother challenged me to a foot race and I beat him by like 13 meters. Oh, and my brother's name is Usain. You may have heard of him.

• I can balance a wine glass on my nose for over a minute.

• The premise of Jon Wick was based on my actual life at 14 years old.

• This one time, I stole a big bag of Doritos from a 7-11 and they had literally no idea. My circle of friends started calling me the Dorito Bandito. Sadly, the nickname didn't last very long because I really liked it at the time.

• I wrestled an aligator to a draw just last weekend.

• You know those grip trainers that you can buy at Cracker Barrel? You know the ones that you squeeze over and over? I've broken 68 of them.

• Oh and lastly...

I'M GOING TO SEND YOU SOOOOO MUCH JUNK MAIL!!!!!!

I sent that last email 2 hours ago and have yet to hear back from George, but really hope I do. Of course, volume 2 will be released as it becomes available, should it become available.

One thing that I find the funny about this is his gradual laziness to spell words out all the way over the course of our exchange. If this trend continues it could soon become indecipherable.

Night fellas :*