8 Types of Players, Part 2

This is the continuation of a 2 part series in which I detail the 8 types of pickup basketball players that you can typically find in every pickup basketball game across the country:

5) The Man. This cat runs the court all day long and leaves no hope that other teams can knock him off his perch. This guy doesn’t lose, and he doesn’t get tired. He possesses a textbook jumper, a skillset above those of the other players, and is generally efficient in all phases of the game. What’s perplexing about this guy is that his actions and results typically look effortless, despite the myriad of defenders who try and stop him. He usually goes through a laundry list of defenders as each one takes his turn trying to stop him. His dominance speaks for itself, so this player has no need for trash talk and stooping to dirty tactics that are normally reserved for inferior players. Only knock on this guy is that he is so good that he is perceived as aloof and not caring about teammates. But that is only because he is aloof and doesn’t care about his teammates. He doesn't need to know who they are in order to help them win. Learning his teammates’ names is just a straight waste of this guy’s basketball brain capacity.

NBA Equivalent: Steve Nash, Kevin Durant

PCTI Counterpart: Josh Stephen


6) The Almost Baller. This guy looks the part. Generally speaking, this player will have a strong, sinewy body, a basketball-themed tattoo, and either cornrows or a shaved head. This guy walks into the gym and you think to yourself “Oh man, this guy can really ball.” Many times, he will wear a jersey from a well-respected league that he previously participated in, adding to the respect factor. Basically gives the appearance that he can really help your team run the court. But then you start playing, and you realize that he is extremely mediocre. He takes shots that he can’t make on offense, shoots well beyond his range, and tries to create plays with the ball that simply are beyond his ability to convert. He fakes an effort on defense by continuously shooting pass lanes but coming up empty on thefts. He often puts his teammates in peril by gambling when he shouldn’t. And worst of all, when he does make a play that seems like a respectable basketball play, he calls attention to himself by letting you know that he just did it. This act alone separates him from an authentic basketball player who just plays and competes, and is comfortable with the result knowing that he left it all out there.

NBA Equivalent: Kwame Brown, Vince Carter

PCTI Counterpart: Joe Thompson


7) The Spirit Killer. There’s bound to be at least one of these in every pickup run. This player probably played JV basketball and got cut from the Varsity program with an explanation from the coach that went something like this: “Listen, I know you love basketball and you seem like a good kid. But at the end of the day, you are small, slow, weak, terrible at basketball, and kill our chemistry with your ball stoppage and refusal to sprint. Other than that, I think you are great, but I just can’t keep you”. Since that time, this player has been trying to prove his old coach wrong by entering pickup games and destroying his team’s chances of winning. His behavior includes things like calling invisible fouls, getting into arguments that disrupt the flow of the game, asking for checkups when none are warranted, throwing the ball to the other end of the gym when he gets disrespected, and leaving the gym when one of his questionable foul calls is not honored. His teammates usually hate him because of these actions, but for some reason he never gets permanently kicked out of the pickup game. He does all of this with flair and a certain amount of peacockedness that defies explanation and is certainly beyond his talent level. This player usually has a color-coordinated uniform and shoes that are a bit too flashy for his ability. He is denoted by the lack of sweat that he produces, generally because so much of his effort is reserved for non-basketball activities on the basketball floor. Other than this laundry list of gripes, this guy is an absolute joy to play with.

NBA Equivalent: JR Rider, Latrell Sprewell

PCTI Counterpart: Josh Pitto


8) The O.G., or "Original Gangster". Maybe one of my favorite pickup players of all-time. This guy is a true baller and is in the gym almost every day. You can recognize this player because he doesn’t say much, preferring to let his basketball skill speak instead of his words. But when he does speak, it is usually a one-liner that comes from nowhere that cracks up the entire gym. Those kicks he’s wearing aren’t the retro models, they’re just the original shoes from 1989. Just like the older fellas on the golf course that hit straight, true drives almost every swing, this cat is straight cash homie from 21 feet and in. He may have lost a step or 3 due to age, injury, or pounds, but dude can still get to the spots he wants to get to even if his defender is geared up for the challenge. This guy has an arsenal of elbows, grabs, pulls, and awkward knees that he’ll hit you with off-the ball that refs never see. And typically, this guy will pull out some assortment of Icy-Hot and Ben-Gay for the post-game stretch routine. The O.G. is a guy you love to have on your squad, and a guy that you hate seeing on the other team. Generally, this guy keeps in good spirits for wins or losses, and realizes that his game will be timeless and constant well into his 50s.

NBA Equivalent: Robert Horry, Bill Walton

PCTI Counterpart: Dawson Huff