The 9th Type Of Player

I've played more pickup basketball than most people you know. Between my unpredictable work schedule, the fact that I've moved several times and the bad luck that most of my close friends (aside from those of you reading this) are not very good at the sport, I've never in my life - including college - been fortunate enough to be a part of a regularly organized game. To get my hoops fix I have to go find a random gym and learn to play with random guys.

So I've certainly come across plenty of the guys Sabin described in his two most recent posts and I give him credit for bringing to life several very accurate caricatures. I don't know that I would agree with the people from my team he assigned to each..but then again that's not a surprise.

I think he did overlook one other type of player, however. I'm sure had he sought to do the same thing with his team, he would have realized it.

This 9th guy describes every single guy on Sabin's team except for Sabin himself and Ben. This guy is the true heart and soul of team LFTK.

9) The Wash-Up. This guy walks in the gym and the first thing you think is, "alright, this looks like somebody I won't hate." He's a relatively normal looking guy, you assume he probably has a normal job, went to college and maintains an overall fairly well adjusted livelihood. You give him the double take, assuming that if he's a relatively anonymous looking white guy that plays basketball, you've probably met him before.

Giving it a second look, you realize this may not be what you hoped for. You suspect that he's 10 to 20 pounds heavier than he used to be and should be. You can see it in his face. He's carrying a pair of generic Nike high tops. The shoes are beat up and maroon, the same color as his worn mesh shorts. You put two and two together and realize he still hoops in his team shoes from high school. Even though he probably graduated from high school ten years ago. This could be trouble. He takes off his jacket and reveals a cutoff t-shirt that advertises Homecoming 2001. He grabs a ball and with two hands stretches it as far as he can behind his head. He lets out a big exhale and does a quick quad stretch before he lets his first jump shot go. From the form it's clear he's been well coached at some point in his life but the shot falls woefully short, an airball. He sheepishly smiles and mumbles something under his breath as he jogs after the ball. He gets up a dozen more shots, most never making it over the front rim.

Once the game starts, the guy does exactly what you would expect. He clearly knows the game, knows where to be on the court and is even more aware than everyone else on the floor that he is very limited in what he can offer the team. In fact, while other guys on the court who probably never have played organized basketball use blind confidence and ignorance to score point after point, this guy is frozen by his own passiveness.

You see a few signs of life. When the ball finds him in just the right spot, it triggers something in his diminished self confidence and he begins to try to make a play. The problem is the muscles don't fire the way they used to, the hands still talk to the feet but it's in broken english and it's obvious the confidence that athletes on even the smallest scale need to succeed left town years ago. Half way through the move he realizes this isn't going to end the way he envisioned, and as as if he hears the forthcoming scream of his old high school coach in his subconscious, he quickly cuts bait and winds up tossing the ball back out to the top of the key. Some 5-foot-7 17 year old who didn't even go out for his high school basketball team catches the ball and promptly fires a 25 foot three pointer.

After the game he's gasping for breath and sits down next to you, complimenting you on how you played. He starts to make an excuse but you know what's coming, "Sorry bro, I haven't played in a lllong time but I'm trying to get back in to it." You nod knowingly, it's hard to be mad at the guy because there is certainly a lot worse sort of player to get stuck with. You play at the gym for the next five years but you never see him again.

Get this guy on a team surrounded by four confident scorers and he'll hold the court for hours. Get him out there with three or four other guys like him and it will be hours before anyone on either team scores the requisite 12 points to get someone else on the court...