Roundtable Conversation

This past weekend, Dallas natives Anthony and Carrie Hopkins came into town for a weekend full of food and hoops.  I thought it was important to let fellow PCTI members in on a conversation that took place over a pizza before a Thursday night hoop session.  For the record, this conversation came up out of the (Greg) blue and is 100% true.

Fruit Man Danie: "Spotlight is really good looking."
Kelsey Krow: "Shut up Danny that's seriously all you ever talk about."
Carrie Hops: "OMG that's all Anthony ever talks about too!"
Hops: "What else is there to talk about?"

In a drastic turn of events, I decided I'm a Spotlight fan.

NINETEEN DAYS TILL TIP.

The 2nd Best Hoops Event in the World

March Madness.  A wonderful time indeed.  We are in the midst of one of the better sports stretches of any given year.  March Madness, the Masters, NBA teams starting to care for the playoffs, the works really.  If all of this happened in the fall, I would poop myself in joy.  So I'm glad it's happening now so that I have something to look forward to before all I hear about during the summer is stupid baseball.  UGH.

Anyway, I just thought I would serve as a conduit of sorts and share my Top 5 GIF's from the first weekend of the Madness to liven up everyone's Monday.  Most of you have probably seen all of these in some capacity, but I wanted to make sure our followers in Russia weren't left out in the cold (war) and could re-live the weekend with us.  Note:  of course none of these will have anything to do with the actual playing of basketball...c'mon.  PPS:  8 GIF's in a Top 5 list?  Color me impressed.

5.  Bench Celebrations not from FGCU
Shocking part:  not the white kids.  Not shocking:  awesomeness.  Dude killing the Baraka blade chop from Mortal Kombat 2.

4.  Band Members
 Can't imagine how many beads he racks up at Mardi Gras.  The guy HAS TO slay down there.

3.  Superfans
Wes?

"YOUR SOUL IS MINE...oh wait...jk, nothing there." -Shang Tsung

(tie) 1.  FGCU
I am all-in on the Eagles, and besides Sherwood (forest) Brown, my favorite player is that Swiss dude with the headband, #5.  His bench celebrations are GOAT.  Please note the following:
Chicken Dance

The Enema...take that right in your stinkhole Otto.

But the team knows how to get down too.  Ain't no party like a FGCU post-win locker room party.  Shoutout to the water boy.  Also, I will buy you a drink if you can pronounce Quasimodo I mean #15's name without cheating.

(tie) 1. Jim Larranaga
Hammer don't hurt 'em!

Hope this helps get you through your Monday, except for you Danie.  25 days.

REPORT: Carney Expecting Murray To No Show

Austin, TX.

During a recent interview with Fruit Man Danie, Big Brent went on record not questioning, but rather guaranteeing that teammate and past PCTI foe Wes Murray will not be showing up to PCTI4.  With his reputation for bad offseasons, lack of interest, and monumental airline costs due to booking late, no one can blame Carney for his claim.  However, it's rather surprising to hear a guy like Brent who usually takes a "Him and His Teammates vs. the World" approach to go out of his way to attack one of his own.  If Murray does show up, one can't help but to wonder how this news will effect their on (and off) court relationship. 

Time will tell what comes of this, but definitely a situation worth paying attention to as the weekend rapidly approaches.

Murray was not available for comment. 

Movie Twins, Part 3

1)      Ben Wilson – Cal Naughton, Jr., Talladega Nights

Best friend and teammate of Ricky Bobby, ½ of the electric duo “Shake-n-Bake.” Naughton became famous for driving fast, making 4 left turns, and shaking opponents before he bakes them. Similarly, Wilson rose to prominence in PCTI for dropping huge double-doubles, driving fast to the bucket while almost always going left, and usually providing a shimmy shake before he bakes a defender to get buckets. Wilson has also developed a new best friend and teammate in BC, and I hope that when they are playing together in IV that we get a few “Shake-n-Bake” references from them. No word yet on whether Wilson intends to steal BC’s woman like Naughton did to Ricky Bobby. But I can tell you this…Wilson is one of the only cats in PCTI that has the ability to be formal, but he can also let his chest hair down so he can party. In fact, when I think about Wilson and BC, I think it’s fair to say that these two go together like skateboards and freeway ramps. “I like to think of Jesus as wearin' a Tuxedo T-shirt, 'cause it says, like, "I want to be formal, but I'm here to party too." I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.”

 

 

2)      Josh Pitto – Mark Zuckerberg, Social Network

Talented yet socially-offputting Zuckerberg takes a billion-dollar idea and implements it to make himself famous, even though he ruins relationships along the way. However, the idea that became Facebook ultimately became a phenomenon and a way of life for many people. Likewise, the enigmatic Pitto conceived the idea that became PCTI and takes pride that it has become a way of life for 16 junkies across the country. Time will tell if Pitto decides to cultivate relationships instead of shun them, but this is exactly the quality that makes him intolerable fun. “You know you really don't need a damn forensic team to get to the bottom of this. If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook."

 

 

3)      Wes Murray – Zack Galifinakis, The Hangover

For a while, Alan Garner described himself as a “one-man wolfpack.” But he connected with Bradley, Ed, Justin, and Ken at just the right time to form perhaps the most devastatingly debaucherous group in all of Las Vegas. Comparably, Wes has spent some time in his PCTI career being a one-man wolfpack, refusing to participate in PCTI-wide email exchanges and blog submissions. However, his recent unification with Team  Joe and the Bash Brothers has brought this wolf in from the cold so that he can enjoy what will no doubt be a debaucherous team in Scottsdale. Both Garner and Murray know how to rock a beard. And if only Galifinakis could learn the art of the unnecessary and illegal boxout, these two would be damn near inseparable. "You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!"

 

 

4)      Spotlight – God, Bruce Almighty

Morgan Freeman plays God in an attempt to get Bruce (Jim Carrey) to lead a more meaningful and impactful life. He does this in a way that allows Bruce to see his own flaws and make adjustments from there. Similarly, Spotlight enlightens others with his conversation from a well-travelled life full of experience and wisdom. He enlarges the soul just by spending time with him and he makes us all want to better men. Also, both God and Spotlight only have one name and that’s pretty cool. Both make the ordinary seem extraordinary, God with his creation of life and Spotlight with his slapping up a 6 and 2 on the regular. “Parting your soup is not a miracle, Bruce, it's a magic trick. A single mom who's working two jobs, and still finds time to take her kid to soccer practice, that's a miracle. A teenager who says no to drugs and yes to an education, that's a miracle. People want Me to do everything for them, but what they don't realize is, they have the power. You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle.”

 

 

5)      Sabin – Les Grossman, Tropic Thunder

Less Grossman is a ruthless, relentless, obsessive, and amoral studio executive who is disliked universally by all, except for the few who appreciate his one redeemable quality (ability to make money). Les rules his environment with poetic obscenities, direct criticism, and best of all….name-calling. His intensity is legendary and his ferocity of personality is second-to-none. Likewise, Sabin is disliked by almost all except those who love his pick-up game and share his fanaticism for basketball. I have also developed my cursing skills over the years and am somewhat proficient at name-calling. I’d like to finish this post with maybe the greatest movie quote of all-time: “First, take a big step back... and literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! I don't know what kind of pan-pacific bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia Jack is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again! Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down in a Godly fucking firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I'm talking about a scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!

 

 

 

Sabin

Person Rankings for Scottsdale

It's time for my month out rankings on who I'm not looking forward to seeing most, all the way to who I'm not looking forward to seeing least (them being ranked #1). 

14-Ben Wilson: Whether it's him being his natural annoying self, attempting to copy Joe's really clever nickname of "Danie" or his new thing of going to a concert and tagging that he is with me, Willy has decided to drive the stake even futher by showing up in Dallas in two weeks to celebrate my favorite holiday, Easter.  Can't wait until PCTI is over so I don't have to see him for another year.

13-German Spotlight: This guy is the epitome of over hyped. His persona of what he interprets as "kewl" is retweeting things he thinks are clever, or talking about music no one has Sam Hurd of (one of the main reasons I hate music is because people think they are cool for knowing a band no one else has heard of).  NEWSFLASH-If no one has heard of a band, it's probably because they aren't that good.  Anyway, the other member of the grammer (is it grammar) squad with Wilson, I'm sure he will provide the only value he brings to PCTI and corrects some of my wording.  Thanks in advance.

12-Nature Beasley: I'm going to tolerate him because he is a teammate of mine, but I don't have to like him.  His new found confidence within the PCTI ranks has him walking around with a too cool attitude, and those are things I do not tolerate well.  I'm not sure how he will do outside of his comfort zone (nature), so hopefully he stays in his room the whole time.

11-Josh Pitto: Nothing he can do can get him to rise any higher than this. 

10-Jeff Sabin: I see him twice a week and email with him probably four times a day.  We have had a PCTI conversation that has been going on consistently for about 8 months now, so seeing him isn't necessarily topping my priority list.  That being said, I do especially get excited about watching him eat during the PCTI weekend, going from leafy greens for six months leading up to the tourney to pizza is something that gets him giddy like a schoolboy.

9-Actor: I love when I get to see the Actor to find out what else he scheduled with whatever random people he knows in whatever random city we are in.  Because of that, the hope is that he won't be around much, which excites me enough to plop him about four spots higher than the other guys I associate him with, Ben and Spot.

8-BMC: His passion for ingratiating himself last year by attacking me with constant golf talk deserves some love.  Anyone that wants to get someone worked up that much gets a pat on the back from me, even if I'm on the receiving end.  I look forward to seeing him orchestrate and facilitate the weekend, and can't wait to see how many times he gets the group lost because he forgets what is going on and starts wandering around amelessly.

7-It's Me, It's Me, It's BBC: Normally, he would be much lower on this list, but there are some things that BBC does during the weekend that no one can top.  1-Getting upset and lashing out.  2-Getting red faced.  3-Stomping around on the court when he is crabby.  4-Getting emotional when he drinks.  You can't find that from anyone, and for that we have to appreciate what he brings to the table.

6-StickMan: The itin stick Nazi, if it wasn't for the Stick we might no longer abide by a schedule.  If we get one minute off that stick, Stick will start popping off demanding answers as to why we haven't left and what the plan is.  In a weekend full of stuff going on, without the Stick holding up the itin, the weekend would be absolute chaos.  For those who haven't watched him in action, pay attention this year.. You are in for a treat.

5-Donley: Although (like everyone else in PCTI) I'm a huge Donley hater, I will be spending the entire weekend (and week) before the tournament with Donley, so I will get my time with him out of the way.  The reason he is so high on the list is a similar reason to Sabin, but since I like Sabin, I'm not as excited to not have to talk to him.  After the full week of time spent together, there is no question Donley and I will be tired of each other, resulting in zero communication during the weekend which I'm especially excited for.

4-Skillz: The fact that he has quietly become the most hated guy in PCTI simply because of some of the guys who's game he values has skyrocketed his ranking, and I really look forward to seeing how he carries himself with a target on his back.  It's always enjoyable watching him show off his calves, and his mystery man persona that he has embraced so much always hits me in the right Spot(light).

3-Sma: Do I need to give anymore reason outside of my excitement to watch him drive that van?  It's not even so much the confidence that he drives it, but moreso the smart ass comments he makes when he asks someone a question five rows back and they don't respondjghhjlkuy bliu kh g,khhg jgf jmhg

2 (Tie)-Hops and Abe: The Batman and Robin of PCTI is always enjoyable for me to watch because they are allegedly best friends, yet I have never seen them speak a word to each other.  I love watching Hops play his role of social liasion almost as much as I enjoy Abe's role as PCTI smart guy, so choosing between the two is a toss up.  All I know is that I hope to make it another year of never watching the two of them talk.

1-Deuce: This was the easiest part of the whole list.  Deuce continues to shine as PCTI's only cool guy, master facilitator of drinks, and value maker.  If you think about it, Deuce is the only person that brings anything of importance to each weekend, then we received the added bonus of his girlfriend who turned out to be almost as cool as him, and a hell of a lot cooler than all of you.  I especially enjoy the way he sticks out like a sore thumb with his NFL linebacker build. 

See you knuckleheads in a month.

Danie

PS-This post was not edited.  Ben and Spot the floor is now yours...

PCTI IV Hangout Episode 3

Movie Twins, Part II

7) Hops – Jackie Moon, Semi-Pro

 

Beloved, relentless promoter of a fledgling organization whose only real motivation in life comes from making his hoops group relevant and popular. Jackie used the profits of his one-hit single “Love me Sexy” to purchase the Flint Tropics and promptly named himself Head Coach and starting power forward. Likewise, Hops used the profits from his corporate accounting division to buy a piece of PCTI ownership and is typically the top player-coach on his team. Hops also stirred his team’s soul in PCTI II with a riveting halftime speech, spurring his team to victory. Similarly, Jackie Moon stirred the souls of his team with this nugget: “In the anals of history people are going to be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint-Michigan Mega Bowl (read PCTI).” Jackie also received inspiration to develop a new move which had not been seen before (alley-oop) just like Hops has developed a move that nobody else can duplicate (dagger 3).  Both moves helped their respective teams to win championships. Let’s get Tropical!

8) Donley – Indiana Jones, Raiders of the Lost Ark

 

Cockstrong? You bet. Swashbuckling? Of course. Good-looking adventurer who gets the girl in the end? Undoubtedly. Jones is a treasure-hunter seeking riches and glory just like Donley is a trophy-seeker hunting PCTI glory and championship immortality. Both have a signature move that is immediate distinguishable: Indy’s the noticeable whip and hat technique and Donley’s the Zorro 3 ball and Discount Double Check. Both also have a penchant for escaping close calls. Indy has evaded numerous near-death experiences, while Donley avoided a PCTI championship game in favor of a 10 hour drive to Wisconsin. Do both of these swashbucklers get the lady? Goes without saying. One of Indy’s partners asked him one time what his next plan was, to which he replied, “Dunno. I’m making this up as I go.” I anticipate seeing a new celebratory move from Donley in IV in which he makes it up as goes.

9) Eskildsen – Norman Dale, Hoosiers

 

Controversial coach with a spotty past lost a previous coaching job by striking a player, but looks to make good with a new team in rural Indiana (Phoenix). Coach Dale makes his players pass 4 times before shooting, just like Coach Esk makes his players do. Coach Dale tries to unsuccessfully recruit Jimmy Chitwood (BC), Hickory’s best player, to his team. Norman also has an alcohol-loving assistant coach (Hops) at his side. Coach almost gets kicked out of town for controversial coaching techniques before ultimately realizing his potential and leading his team to a championship. Will a similar path await the controversial captain of Team That in IV? I love these quotes from Coach Eskildsen Coach Dale:

a)      “My practices aren't designed for your enjoyment.”

b)      “I've seen you guys can shoot but there's more to the game than shooting. There's fundamentals and defense.”

c)      To BC Jimmy Chitwood: “You know, in the ten years that I coached, I never met anybody who wanted to win as badly as I did. I'd do anything I had to do to increase my advantage. Anybody who tried to block the pursuit of that advantage, I'd just push 'em out of the way. Didn't matter who they were, or what they were doing. But that was then. You have special talent, a gift. Not the school's, not the townspeople, not the team's, not Myra Fleener's, not mine. It's yours…to do with what you choose. Because that's what I believe, I can tell you this: I don't care if you play on the team or not.”

10) Smo – Jeremy Grey, Wedding Crashers

 

Crasher of wedding parties trying to meet women and lure them into one-night stands. Also packs a cover story that impresses guests and inevitably becomes the hit of every reception. Hilarity ensues. Smo is likewise a crasher of the boards and the bars, continuously seeking to pick the weak one off from the herd in pursuit of guilt-free, responsibility-shucking physical pleasure with a beer-goggled 7. Smo also vociferously protects his rim and provides help-side D just like Jeremy provides wing-man protection and well-crafted lies in support of his teammate’s success. Jeremy is also famous for his one-liners including “Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.” And who can forget Smo’s comedic one-liner timing in just about any conversation? Anybody remember “Let’s get to the Chatty” last year? One day I pray I get to hear Orr utter these profound, any-moment-will-do words: “John, I was first team All-State. I can put the ball anywhere I want to. I'll make it rain out here.” BC probably summed it up best with this all-encompassing description: “Smo is the funniest motherf*cker alive.”

11) McKinney – Keyser Soze, The Usual Suspects

 

Keyser Soze is a silent but ruthless crime lord whose influence and tactics reach legendary and mythical status among his cult following. Likewise, McKinney is a silent assassin whose previous basketball exploits have reached legendary and mythical proportions among his 4 horsemen teammates. After a traumatic experience, Soze went underground, never again doing business in person and remaining invisible even to his henchmen. Similarly, B-Mac has not been seen in some time and remains invisible and inaudible throughout much of the PCTI offseason. Soze is a master planner and organizer of resources, often seeing 7 steps ahead of his enemies. McKinney, it is rumored, is planning a spectacle in IV the likes of which we have never seen. In the end, it was believed that Keyser was simply a myth, a fabricated concoction of loosely-remembered details and half-invented postulations. Will McKinney step out from the shadows in IV and reveal his true nature? "You think you can catch Keyser Soze? You think a guy like that comes this close to getting caught and sticks his head out? If he comes up for anything, it will be to get rid of me. After that... my guess is you'll never hear from him again."

 

Sabin

Some Teammate...

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1557097-stanford-vs-cal-video-watch-fight-break-out-in-pac-12-battle#ooid=JsaDV5OTovqorwOxku-5bcLd4HqszjF8

Where's Brian?  Not standing up for his players.  Shoulda been in there throwin' hands.  Team That, take notice of your Captain's leadership...

Movie Twins, Part I

A previous post by DK had detailed each PCTI participant’s likeness to a big screen/small screen athlete/sports character. The post itself was quality and got me thinking about each participant’s likeness to an actual movie or TV character. I like to think of myself as something as a movie buff, so here are my top choices for PCTI players’ semblances to well-known movie characters.

1)      DK – Marlon Brando, The Godfather

 

 

Cool, collected, calm gangster. Like the Godfather, DK collects friends and makes your enemies his own. He sends messages (getting up in 'ya on D) so that he is feared, but just wants to be respected and beloved (see: get a teammate to convert one of his well-placed dimes). Sits in counsel with a few members of his consiglieri to determine best course of action for the tournament. And when he invited us all to participate in PCTI, he made us an offer we couldn’t refuse. Probably needs to be on the look-out for a close friend betraying him in pursuit of control of the PCTI enterprise. If I had to guess, I’d say BC and Hops are the prime candidates.

2)      BC – Derek Zoolander, Zoolander

 

Is he sassy? Yes. Does he struggle with being an ambi-turner? Sure. But is he the single greatest model (blogger) of his generation? Without question. “I have problems with turns because I'm left-handed, and they haven't built a left-handed runway yet. I've done over 1,000 runway shows in my career, and if you put all those runways end to end, it'd be so long I couldn't even walk down it without getting tired. I think the only good thing about it would be there'd be no turns.” Like Zoolander, BC is primed to settle a score with Hansel (B-Esk) in one of the most anticipated walk-offs in history. And when I pass on from this earth, I want BC to deliver the eugoogooly at my funeral.  

 

3)      Bruise – Jules Winnfield, Pulp Fiction

 

 

Anger just beneath the surface? Check. Emotional instability that leads to physical violence? Double check (Discount). One of the most feared men in cinematic (PCTI) history? No question. And yet, has his new marriage calmed the rage inside and made him more docile? This quote gives us the insight we need to understand his complexities: “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee." I been saying that shit for years. And if you heard it, that meant your ass. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was some cold-blooded shit to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this morning made me think twice. See, now I'm thinking, maybe it means you're the evil man, and I'm the righteous man, and Mr. 9 millimeter here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is, you're the weak, and I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm trying, Ringo. I'm trying real hard to be the shepherd.”

4)      Beas – Tristan Ludlow, Legends of the Fall

 

 

Intelligent, reliable, and sometimes sardonic good guy that combines raw talent with devastating good looks. The result is an unfair slaying of the opposite sex. Rumor has it that nature-loving wild-child is well-versed in Native American traditions, smuggles alcohol on the regular, and steals his brothers’ women just because he can. Remains to be seen if he will fight a grizzly bear (Ben Wilson) in hand-to-hand combat and claim that it was a “good death.”

5)      Abe – Neo, The Matrix

 

  

Software programmer (technology salesman) leading a double life as a computer hacker (convenience-store smuggler) who doesn’t fully realize his talents and abilities until several versions of the Matrix (PCTI) have been experienced. I can imagine when Joe told him that he was thinking about drafting him, Abe’s response was something like Neo’s arrest at the hands of Smith: “Well, that sounds like a pretty good deal. But I think I may have a better one. How about, I give you the finger”….and you let me play on another team. Time will tell if this was the right strategy.

6)      Joe – Captain America

 

 

Bet you can’t guess who said this: “Cap’ is not only here to lead, but to serve. If I'm a captain, then I'm a soldier too. Not of any military branch, but of the American people and of my team. I will continue to defend my team from any and all threats it may face. But as of today, I am not just a "superhero." Now and forevermore, I am a man of the people.” If you guessed Captain America, you are wrong. That was Joe’s inaugural address to his teammates as leader and captain. ‘Nuff said.

 

Sabin

Herbie Hancock Mega-Post! Part 2

 

Now let’s take a look at the incredible group of men that Dr. 3-0 has assembled for Team This. 

 

Thompson MD, Joe

On-court:  As I did in Part 1, we’ll start with the Captain of our team, and my gosh what a leader of men he is.  He gets better and better with each passing PCTI, despite “retiring” after each and every one.  The bar was set so high coming into PCTI I after such a prolific career at Rhodes that it’s a testament to the man JT is that he can motivate himself to show up year after year with such pressure to be so good.  All I knew about Joe coming in was that he actually played college ball, so you’d understand why I’d question exactly what kind of ball they were playing over there when he came out in Game 1 of PCTI I with a nice 1-14 showing, including 0-7 from deep (after that game I thought perhaps Rhodes was an acronym for the Research Hacienda Of Deaf & Exceptional Students).  He made up for his efforts in the following game, and has been a positive contributor ever since.  AHOP and I say this all the time (read: once in passing conversation), but I think Joe is the best offensive rebounder in PCTI when he wants to be.  He is also a master of the reach-around steal, which can’t be a coincidence ;).  My signature move for Joe, though, happens once per PCTI, and that is him making some mind-numbingly difficult layup with people all around him, and then letting Deuce and the rest of PCTI know about it.  As if those crazy layups didn’t prove difficult enough, Joe added getting fouled AND making the shot in PCTI III.  Can’t wait to see what’s in store for IV.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Off-court:  A humble man of many hats (but not shoes…GREY NEWBIES 4 LIFE), the Doctor is the ultimate showman.  He’s what we in the biz like to call a five-tool celebrity:  he can act, he can dance, he can sing, he can hoop, AND DID I MENTION HE CAN ACT???  IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME, HERE IS SOME OF HIS FINER WORK FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE.  I REALLY THOUGHT THAT HE DIED L.

 

We all know that his signature move here is his showmanship, and he brings it to every facet of PCTI.  The Actor paved the way for everyone else to start breaking out of their shells and ham it up for the camera, as it just makes for better viewing over a nice glass bottle of red.  Did I mention that he is gorgeous?

 

 

Sabin, Jeff

On-court:  To say that Sabin was the only member of LFTK that showed up last year for all four games would be a drastic understatement.  Quite frankly the man shot the snot out of the basketball, and it was a shame he didn’t have someone step up to try and help him out.  Instead, he’ll go down as the worst captain in PCTI history…certainly not all his fault, but hey facts are facts.  This year, he’ll come in with a new mindset, seeing that his tactics from last year didn’t quite pay off.  A hatchet was buried during the draft in one of the more shocking moves of the off-season, and Sabin has accepted his role as loyal soldier in the Foot Clan.  As for his on-court signature move, one needs to look no further than last year’s display:  the jump shot, specifically from mid-range.  No, I’m not talking about the 1-on-4 transition pull-up from 20 feet that he loved so much during PCTI II…I’m talking about the in-rhythm contained jumpers that he buried at a 59/79/90 (!!!) clip last year.  Grandfather PCTI is keeping alive the standard 2-pointer; hell I’m not convinced he even knows what that curvy semi-circle surrounding the goal stands for.  Because I haven’t been able to shoot a “jump shot” since, well, never, I catch myself marveling at the guys who can actually shoot them.  They’re pretty when they work, like below.

 

Off-court:  Another man I don’t know very well outside of PCTI, Sabin actually has a family to take care of (and he won’t be the only one here soon…I see you Danie.  Twin girls comin).  Also a fitness freak in the McKinney mold, Sabin is probably the only person to compete in any kind of marathon in PCTI, so I’m going with that.  The regimented training he undertakes just for this 3-day competition that happens once a year is quite impressive when you think about it, as it means that much to him that he’ll put in the work to be ready, and I can applaud that.  Just makes the rest of us feel like corncobs, but hey, I’d probably be doing everything I could to stay in shape if I was pushing 40 and still in this thing.  The cherry on top was the pic stick he threw up on the FB of his children after THEIR first marathon/race…I have no idea how old they are, but man does he have them laser-focused at quite the young age.  I was entirely more concerned with making that GOT DAMN DOG ON DUCK HUNT QUIT LAUGHING AT ME than I was of even THINKING about doing anything to better myself physically.

 

Van Horne, Bruiser

On-court:  The Bruise clearly didn’t earn his moniker by taking it easy on people.  I’ve already admitted that I was a bit intimidating by Bruiser when I first played with him, because he just had that look of a football guy who thought he was still playing football, except on a different surface.  Having played with him for a while now, I must say he’s got much more basketball acumen than I ever would have thought if you asked me back then.  Now whether he actually touches a basketball between PCTI’s is a legitimate question, but he’s not here for his finesse.  He’s a banger plain and simple, AND THAT’S WHAT BRUISER DOES:  CRABCAKES AND FOOTBALL BASKETBALL.  Building on this notion, my signature move for Bruiser is actually pretty fun to watch, and it’s a shame that he only realizes it 1-2 times per PCTI.  It’s when he realizes that he is pretty much immovable in the post, puts his defender in jail, and powermoves him for an easy Deuce (Hite).  Hell it was the first basket in PCTI II!  You have to wonder if his scorching start with his jumper in PCTI III made him abandon his post game.  But here’s hoping that we can all catch more than one or two glimpses of the Juggernaut in PCTI IV. 

 

Off-court:  The Bruiser is really just a teddy bear on the inside, and he’s fresh off a new marriage to boot.  He’s had quite a busy off-season, and you can’t help but wonder if he’s going to be all there when PCTI IV rolls around.  The one thing you don’t have to worry about with Ian:  the incredible curvature of his hat collection.  I mean, THAT BEND!  They’re all perfect upside-down U’s.  Hopefully I can find some one-on-one time with the man during IV to find out his secrets, and hopefully Deuce will be there to document it so I don’t forget.  PS- Good lord some of the people in these pics.



 

 

 

Donley, Scotty 2

On-court:  I wanted to use this space to remember a fallen comrade of ours.  He came into our lives nearly one year ago today, and he made quite an impression in his short time with us.  We had our ups and downs with him, but in the end we’ll remember him for what he was to all of us:  a great friend, and better lover.  RIP ZORRO…Now, Donley is one of those guys who doesn’t stand out in one particular category, but is just solid across the board.  Cockstrong I believe the term is?  Despite gravity-defying layups and lucky block parties, I’m going to flip the script a little bit and peg Donley’s signature move as one I haven’t actually seen before, but have heard the legend as spoken by his peers:  the patented Donley up-and-under.  No PCTI photographic evidence exists of this mythical move…I’m calling it the Yeti.  When it does finally rear its beautiful head, I expect a celebration sequence of epic proportions.  Since I have no stick of this move, I will instead use one of my favorite shots of Scotty 2 Donley instead.

 

Off-court:  I’ve had the pleasure of sharing a good portion of my PCTI IV preparatory talks with none other than the Donley, and my how wonderful it has been.  Hey Scott, you remember that one thing you said that one time?! OMG LOL!!!  We were just bros being bros…BASH BROS THAT IS.  DOUBLE B’S, SON.  Despite nearly giving malaria/pneumonia/whooping cough/hemorrhoids to everyone on the first day last year, he was able to shake it off and have an influence on the social scene.  But his signature off-court move, you ask?  The faux hawk, ladies and gentlemen, the faux hawk…so hot right now.

 

 

Murray, Wesley

On-court:  Gotcha!  You guys thought I was gonna call him some restaurant name, didn’t you?  That joke has been beaten like a dead horse…although if Murray keeps playing as poorly as he has, we might have to take him behind the gym and euthanize him after IV.  It’s no secret that Sir Wes-Eats-a-Lot’s game has taken a steady decline since his PCTI debut.  Frankly, at times last year he looked lost and disinterested.  Having played with him over the holidays, it is clear he is not quite where he used to be, but he seems to be rejuvenated and ready to play some good basketball at IV.  His silence via all technological formats adds to the mounting anticipation we all are beginning to experience, and that is wondering what he’ll look like and how he’ll play this year, and if we’ll have to nominate him as the first candidate to be voted out of PCTI due to pure talent deterioration.  No matter what happens during IV, though, someone is GUARANSHEED to get the Wes Murray special:  a box-out that looks completely illegal and borderline malicious.  You simply will not get that rebound, and if you do it will be an over-the-back on you.  Asshole.

 

Off-court:  Oh who the F am I kidding…

Dear Wes,

 

Clean that shit up.  Love, your equally terrible and out-of-shape friend

 

Spotlight, no last name needed

On-court:  You’ve got to be pretty fucking cool to only need one name.  Prince.  Yao.  Enya.  Raffi.  All of these folks exemplify the word “cool,” and Spotlight is no different.  The guy just has an aura about him.  Being the only person to never lose a game in PCTI history also carries some major Klout, and Spotlight will look to bring that winning pedigree to his squad this year.  While being pretty solid across the board, you can’t even think about Spotlight’s game without two simply basic yet devastating maneuvers:  the back-cut, and the rebound.  The guy is guaransheed to get loose from his defender for an uncontested layup or two solely due to his back-cut.  He sets it up so well, even when you know it’s coming.  Having played Spot a few times over the holidays, I have experienced its greatness firsthand, and we’ve developed some pretty killer chemistry.  I am excite to display, yes.  Additionally, have you ever encountered a better rebounding guard?  Show me someone who says yes to that question, and I will show you a liar.  Here’s how the caption of this photo would read, if there was one:  “MY BOARD” –Spotlight

 

Off-court:  A devastating womanizer, Spot has the ability to have any woman eating out of the palm of his hand with intelligent conversation and vivacious stubble.  I almost watched him single-handedly convert the best looking IRL (in real life) lesbian I have ever seen back onto the cranny ax (aka penis).  It’s a wonder she was able to get out of there un-mounted.  Whether it be some random lesbian or the lead singer of a house band, no one is safe from the wrath of the artist formerly known as Patrick Higdon.  I kind of hope he brings some sort of flashlight/light fixture to the bars in Scottsdale to shine onto his intended target, just so she can prepare mentally/physically for what’s about to happen to her.  JUST LET IT HAPPEN GIRL.  IT HURTS SO GOOD.

 

Carney, Big Bad Brent

On-court:  We all know why I put Brent down here at the bottom…to ensure that he was able to read the post so that DTOMFS doesn’t take his own email to heart and try to expel BC on bogus terms.  Because BC and I have never played together (except for PCTI I), I’m looking forward to the birth of the #fearthedeer duo that will wreak havoc on Team That.  This strapping young buck can do it all on the floor, and as he so astutely pointed out in II, there is no better lock for the guy who is going to get his while his team is getting thrashed.  The way he examines the stat sheet and is not surprised to learn he just went for like 26/10 makes me chuckle every time, and his the aftermath of his signature moves also makes me chuckle every time.  The BBBC sig happens once a year, and it’s always the same:  he’ll go to work on the block/elbow, get to the rim, get fouled, get his own board, get fouled again, get that board, get hacked again, and then either get fouled again and finally get the call, or get fouled again and lose possession.  The look on his face after that sequence signals the coming of the other on-court signature, the BC tantrum.  It can take many forms, but for the most part it is a passive-aggressive, condescending remark directed at the official who swallowed his whistle on the previous possession.  My favorite encounter, from PCTI III, went something like this:  (the possession right after BC got mauled a few times and lost the pill) Ref—“Foul on 40! (making signal of a hack on the arm)…BC—“Oh, did I get him on the arm?”…so nonchalant and callous.  Laugh every time.

Before:



After:

 

 

Off-court:  I, along with everyone else, appreciate the work that Deuce does in capturing these putrid displays of basketball on film for us every year.  How one can subject themselves to that, no matter the compensation, is beyond me.  But what I hope becomes a permanent fixture in that part of PCTI, and BBBC’s bread and butter, is the interviews conducted before, during, and after games in PCTI III.  It really added to the overall feel of the vid sticks, and there is no one better for the job than Carney.  He always asked the thought-provoking questions on the pods, and I thought he did a great job of mixing things up with different members of PCTI throughout the interview process last year.  OMG I don’t even remember what I said last year because I was soooo nervous getting interviewed by such a presence.  Here’s hoping they become a staple moving forward.  #fearthedeer

 

Wilson, Benjamin

On-court:  It’s not quite as fun to make fun of yourself, and I fear I’ve wasted all of my jokes on the rest of you, so I’ll make it short and sweet to wrap it up.  Everything that everyone says about me is true, except for B-EZ making DWade my NBA comparison in the Dead Sea scrolls.  I’m a great defender, a better lover, and the best hustle guy in this thing.  I think my signature move is taking and making one truly horrendous shot each year that no logical human should even think about shooting.  I think I blackout during the lead-up to whatever shot this is and then come to once it’s over.  Josh and I are the main culprits of taking bad shots, but man do these particular shots take the cake, yet they can’t be heavily criticized because they go in.  There has to be some inner “what the hell was that?” dialogue in everyone when it happens, but the conversion of said stupid shot keeps those thoughts buried inside.  I’d have to run the film back for PCTI I, but I remember the shot in PCTI II that takes this award:  the one-handed right-handed floater thing (while driving left) from the FT line with a Smo in my face (it was a banked And 1!!!).  PCTI III?  One of the better shots of just how dumb I can be.

 

Off-court:  I was adopted by bears.

 

And there you have it folks, the signature moves of each PCTI-er.  This post ended up taking a lot longer than I thought (read: over a year), but the wait allowed me to acquire some better material.  The next post from yours truly will be a blooper reel of sorts, with my favorite pictures from PCTI III that I found during my research for this post all put up in one place.  Until then, have lots of sex.  Wilson out.