Herbie Hancock Mega-Post! Part One

Everyone has a signature move.  Whether it be Dikembe’s finger wag, Vlade’s slippery eel, Arvydas’s straight-line speed, or Beasley’s backflip dismount after depositing his seed, each of us has some unique quality or quirk that distinguishes us from our peers in this life.  The life of P(CT)I is no different.  Everyone brings something to the table that no one else does, and oftentimes it is this singular thing that defines one’s game.  I jotted down some notes on this topic sometime before PCTI III, and am just now getting around to writing it.  I have had the pleasure (or misfortune) of playing with some of you for longer than others, so some of these may be more spot(light)-on than others.  Because I did wait so long to get to this topic, I will use the power of still photography to enhance this post as best I can, as well as incorporating non-basketball signature moves for each PCTI-er.  This will be Part 1 of a mega-post broken down by team.  Without further (Freddy) ado…we’ll start with Team That.

Stevenson, Joshua

On-court:  Being one of the only actual athletes in PCTI should be enough to distinguish oneself, but that’d be an easy out.  Some might argue that his motor and constant movement are what sets him apart, and I could also support that notion, given a good tug from the arguer.  But the thing that sets Joshua apart from everyone else is the ease with which he makes difficult shots.  It’s no secret that he takes some questionable shots, but when he’s on, it doesn’t matter.  In the pic stick below, he probably was fading from the elbow.  Ugh.

 

Off-court:  Josh’s signature move off the court, besides doing hard drugs and still going for 20/10 on 2.5 hours sleep, is one that some of you have not had the pleasure of dealing with, and that is that it takes this man FOREVER to get ready to go somewhere.  One of the first times I picked him up to hit the bars, I sat in the car for about 45 minutes waiting for him to come out.  After the third time this happened, I began lying to him and telling him I’d be there about 30-45 minutes earlier than I actually planned, just so we’d be on schedule.  Still waited.  Ugh.

Pitto, Josh

On-court:  I think annoying is an appropriate word to describe his game.  In fact, he and Jordan Haislip tied as my least favorite people in the entire TREC for my first two years at UT.  After playing with him for a while now, he is your classic like-to-play-with-hate-to-play-against guy.  Most everything he does irritates me when he’s on the opposite team, but you can handle it when he’s on your team because he’s one of the better players when he wants to be.  Showing flashes of defense and overall contribution to team spirit for the better part of PCTI III made me believe that perhaps he was turning the proverbial corner, but then he got that fucking broom out and that thought went right out the window.  He is who he is on the floor, so you just, yeah.  Anyway, his signature move(s) for me is his ability to handle the ball and get by anybody into the lane to cause havoc, as well as the one 35-foot bomb he makes once per PCTI.

 

Off-court:  His mimosa-pounding ability and esophageal clinching.

 

Esksdlfhvfdlghtrpsen, Brian

On-court:  The basketball nerd gets his reputation on being the headiest player in PCTI.  Seemingly always in the right place at the right time, he always stays within himself and plays under control at all times.  His constant movement and effort reward him with hustle plays and breaks that add to his stats and to his team’s bottom line.  Despite possessing one of the worst looking shooting strokes on either side of the Mississippi, his 60/60/69 splits from PCTI III indicate that when he does decide to shoot, it goes in at an alarmingly high rate, and his makes are usually when the defense is sagging too far off of him.  This in turn negates any help that his defender can provide to other shooters, which keeps the floor spaced for his teammates, thus adding to his player-coach rep even more.  For his signature move, you could make an argument for the simple rebound, as he accounted for about 25% of his team’s total rebounds last year.  But that’s too meh.  Having played with him a long time, his signature move to me is his drive baseline, fake like he’s bringing it back out to the wing, then spinning back baseline for a layup.  It doesn’t work in PCTI quite like it probably does elsewhere since we’ve all seen it at some point, but watching it work on hopeless corncobs in the TREC back in the day was always fun.  Because it proves to be a difficult maneuver to capture via pic stick, I will instead use a picture or two of Brian looking stupid.

 

 

Off-court:  What can you say about this guy off the court?  That’s not rhetorical, I struggled with this question.  I’ve spent most of my time with Brian hooping/swimming/eating/in class, so I don’t know the inner workings of his soul (or butthole) like, say, a Pitto might.  But that chest hair.  THAT CHEST HAIR.  I was blown away when that stuff came out last year.  I had never seen it like that before, and frankly felt a little challenged.  I thought I was the hairiest guy in this thing, and I still may be, but I’ll be damned if Brian wasn’t gunning for the crown.  His nipples looked like bald spots on a kitten.

 

McKinney, Bryan

On-court:  When I found my notes for this post and opened up the document, I had ideas jotted down for each person.  When I got to McKinney’s name, all I had was a “?”.  The 3-time pre-PCTI breakout performer just hasn’t done anything that jumps out at me from our time together in PCTI.  Having not played with him before this, I don’t have any other memories to draw from, so I’m going to go with what I know.  I guess I’ll say running?  He’s clearly one of the best conditioned guys, and he does seem to always be moving, so yeah we’ll go with that.  Maybe this year he can “break out” a signature move for us all.  Do you see what I did there?  Do you see it?  Here is an example of McKinney running too much.

 

Off-court:  I can probably count on two hands the number of words McKinney and I have directed at one another during our times together.  In fact, I’m never actually sure that he’s still alive, save for a monthly reminder on my FB feed of him with his Crossfit brethren, so we’ll go with that.  He will pop up in a photo, usually outside, with all of his brothers and sisters.  They look to have just finished some MOBWOD and seem to be prepping for their WOD of Wall Balls, TGU’s, DU’s, Hollow Rocks, and Kips (EMOM and AMRAP, of course).  No PR that day?  GTFO OF CROSSFIT TEMPEST.

 

Beasley, Michael

On-court:  As one of the two rookies coming in last year, Mike Hite Beasley had this mysterious aura about him, and he passed just about every test we had when it came to figuring out if he was going to fit in or not.  I guess this is as good a time as any to point out that this will be the first year where all participants from the previous year are in attendance again, so perhaps we’ve found our solid rotation of PCTI’ers (at least until Benjamin Wilson Krow is born so we can FINALLY get Danie out of this thing).  Anywho, there’s no denying that Michael is one of the best looking guys in PCTI #mildhomo.  It’s also no surprise that his signature move, to me, is PENETRATING.  I vaguely remember his game from our time together at UT, and all I could remember from back then was that he was as good as any of us at driving the basketball and wreaking havoc by doing so.  While playing tentatively at first last year, he slowly began to unveil his complete game once he realized his team was absolutely terrible.  Even though he put up his large numbers in crushing defeats, I believe we’ve seen just the beginning of what the Beas can bring to the table.

 

Off-court:  I will use this space once again to remind everyone how devastatingly attractive Michael is.  And maybe this is an extension of the aforementioned statement, but Beas is BY FAR the most photogenic man of the bunch, and this is his off-court signature.  With some of the pic sticks snapped of him, you’d think he knew there was a photographer right there.  It’s also very possible he was subconsciously auditioning to be the next inspiration for the Jumpman logo.  BALL PICS DON’T LIE.

 

 

Orr, Smo

On-court:  This guy has never seen a rim he doesn’t want to protect.  I’m 84% positive he uses his logistics title as a front, and instead works for State Farm as the manager of the “Rim Defamation” department.  After being PCTI besties there for a little bit, I got to know just a little bit about the man they call Smo.  Whatever Smo does, he does it BIG.  After playing with him for two years now, I have NEVER seen a ball enter the post and end up on the opposite wing faster than when this man gets his mitts on the pill.  THE SMO SKIP PASS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.  Just a thing of beauty that happens roughly 95% of the time the ball is entered to him in the post.  I’d like to give an honorable mention to his go-to move for that other 5%, which is the righty hook shot while using the left hand to clear out any arm(s) in his way.  Another honorable mention to the personal foul.  #noeasybaskets

 

Off-court:  HAS ANYONE SEEN SOMEONE DRIVE A 16 PASSENGER VAN WITH AS MUCH FUCKING SWAG AS SMO ORR LAST YEAR?!  I DIDN’T THINK SO.  MOVING ON.

 

Hopkins, Anthony

On-court:  Having played with this guy for as long as I’ve played with anyone in PCTI, I know just about everything he brings to the table.  And vice versa, which sucks because I’m terrible when everyone knows that I’m going to refuse-ball-screen-right-go-left-try-to-look-off-defender-right-and-pass-left-then-drive-thru-McDonald’s-and-get-the-#10-with-2-sweet&sour-sauces.  What AHOP lacks athletically he makes up for socially in PCTI.  However, that’s not to say he doesn’t have a signature move, and both variations of his sig move involve the 3-point stripe.  His move I grew most accustomed to early on was his pull-up 3 in transition, usually when he had no rebounders and was outnumbered no less than 3 to 1.  It worked, because no one would think someone like him would just jack with no numbers and no rebounders, and more often than not he would nail these wide open looks.  But his autograph move, as we’ve all been victim to, is his dagger 3.  It can come in any game at any time, but when it happens, everyone in the gym knows it was a dagger and the suffering team pretty much is guaranteed a loss right then and there.  There is no bigger momentum shifter in PCTI than the AHOP dagger 3, and I just hope we’re up 3-0 when it happens so we can take the crown home in game 5.

 

Off-court:  The resident “hipster” of PCTI always has the gears cranking.  One of the most decorated bloggers we have, he’s been responsible for some of the more original and forward-thinking posts this wonderful blog has been subject to.  He likes to get out and experience the world, and has partaken in some activities the rest of us can only dream about (I mean, this guy can fucking DOMINATE a trampoline…can’t believe the Sabin backyard got out of that ordeal alive).  The AHOP signature off-court move for me, however, is his shape-shifter-ness.  He’s got the widest spectrum of hair/facial hairs combinations, and no one else is close really.  I know what just about all of you are going to look like in about 1.5 months, but AHOP is and always will be the wild card.  We can only hope the perm makes a triumphant return at some point.

 

Krow, Danie

On-court:  The token “floor general” in PCTI, I can’t think of anyone I’d rather take direction from less than Danie.  How does the saying go, if you love someone you’ve got to set them free?  If that’s the case, than I need an industrial-strength cage with no feeding tray for Danie.  And then surround that cage with 18 layers of invisible fencing.  And a guard tower, complete with armed sniper.  He’s the Beas knees!  JK.  Let me set the record straight, I guess DK brings some decent intangibles to the (kiddie) table.  Yo let me set another record straight, DANIE FOR A NON-MUSIC MAN YOU HAVE QUITE A FEW RECORDS THAT SEEM TO BE MESSING UP.  YOU SHOULD GET THAT RECORD PLAYER FIXED!  For his signature move, it has to be taking the first shot of each PCTI for whatever team he’s on.  The sun will rise tomorrow, and Danie will take the first shot for Team That at PCTI IV.  The defense will be terribly worried about this shot, and will do everything in their power to prevent said shot from occurring (see photographic evidence).  This shot will undoubtedly be airballed, and that airball will undoubtedly be blamed on a lack of leg strength from blasting his legs/core too hard in his preparation.  An honorable mention for getting to the charity stripe.

 

Off-court:  Come PCTI VIII, Danie will be claiming he invented PCTI and will try to leave all of his co-founders out in the cold.  With great power comes great responsibility, and Danie has taken it upon himself to ensure that most everyone has a great time on this glorious weekend for us all.  As pointed out by some of my esteemed colleagues, one has to wonder if this unenviable task has taken away from his hoops focus.  So while you have to say his signature off-court move is his logistical influence, you also have to hope that we can get a fully focused DK one of these years, so we can watch him explode for 9, 6, & 6.  Which is actually pretty solid after reading it (needed to set that record straight).  An off-court honorable mention to being the only guy that wears a necklace (that I know of)…but man you’d be 1000000000x cooler if that was a No Limit tank.  You know what you have to do.