Herbie Hancock Mega-Post! Part 2

 

Now let’s take a look at the incredible group of men that Dr. 3-0 has assembled for Team This. 

 

Thompson MD, Joe

On-court:  As I did in Part 1, we’ll start with the Captain of our team, and my gosh what a leader of men he is.  He gets better and better with each passing PCTI, despite “retiring” after each and every one.  The bar was set so high coming into PCTI I after such a prolific career at Rhodes that it’s a testament to the man JT is that he can motivate himself to show up year after year with such pressure to be so good.  All I knew about Joe coming in was that he actually played college ball, so you’d understand why I’d question exactly what kind of ball they were playing over there when he came out in Game 1 of PCTI I with a nice 1-14 showing, including 0-7 from deep (after that game I thought perhaps Rhodes was an acronym for the Research Hacienda Of Deaf & Exceptional Students).  He made up for his efforts in the following game, and has been a positive contributor ever since.  AHOP and I say this all the time (read: once in passing conversation), but I think Joe is the best offensive rebounder in PCTI when he wants to be.  He is also a master of the reach-around steal, which can’t be a coincidence ;).  My signature move for Joe, though, happens once per PCTI, and that is him making some mind-numbingly difficult layup with people all around him, and then letting Deuce and the rest of PCTI know about it.  As if those crazy layups didn’t prove difficult enough, Joe added getting fouled AND making the shot in PCTI III.  Can’t wait to see what’s in store for IV.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Off-court:  A humble man of many hats (but not shoes…GREY NEWBIES 4 LIFE), the Doctor is the ultimate showman.  He’s what we in the biz like to call a five-tool celebrity:  he can act, he can dance, he can sing, he can hoop, AND DID I MENTION HE CAN ACT???  IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME, HERE IS SOME OF HIS FINER WORK FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE.  I REALLY THOUGHT THAT HE DIED L.

 

We all know that his signature move here is his showmanship, and he brings it to every facet of PCTI.  The Actor paved the way for everyone else to start breaking out of their shells and ham it up for the camera, as it just makes for better viewing over a nice glass bottle of red.  Did I mention that he is gorgeous?

 

 

Sabin, Jeff

On-court:  To say that Sabin was the only member of LFTK that showed up last year for all four games would be a drastic understatement.  Quite frankly the man shot the snot out of the basketball, and it was a shame he didn’t have someone step up to try and help him out.  Instead, he’ll go down as the worst captain in PCTI history…certainly not all his fault, but hey facts are facts.  This year, he’ll come in with a new mindset, seeing that his tactics from last year didn’t quite pay off.  A hatchet was buried during the draft in one of the more shocking moves of the off-season, and Sabin has accepted his role as loyal soldier in the Foot Clan.  As for his on-court signature move, one needs to look no further than last year’s display:  the jump shot, specifically from mid-range.  No, I’m not talking about the 1-on-4 transition pull-up from 20 feet that he loved so much during PCTI II…I’m talking about the in-rhythm contained jumpers that he buried at a 59/79/90 (!!!) clip last year.  Grandfather PCTI is keeping alive the standard 2-pointer; hell I’m not convinced he even knows what that curvy semi-circle surrounding the goal stands for.  Because I haven’t been able to shoot a “jump shot” since, well, never, I catch myself marveling at the guys who can actually shoot them.  They’re pretty when they work, like below.

 

Off-court:  Another man I don’t know very well outside of PCTI, Sabin actually has a family to take care of (and he won’t be the only one here soon…I see you Danie.  Twin girls comin).  Also a fitness freak in the McKinney mold, Sabin is probably the only person to compete in any kind of marathon in PCTI, so I’m going with that.  The regimented training he undertakes just for this 3-day competition that happens once a year is quite impressive when you think about it, as it means that much to him that he’ll put in the work to be ready, and I can applaud that.  Just makes the rest of us feel like corncobs, but hey, I’d probably be doing everything I could to stay in shape if I was pushing 40 and still in this thing.  The cherry on top was the pic stick he threw up on the FB of his children after THEIR first marathon/race…I have no idea how old they are, but man does he have them laser-focused at quite the young age.  I was entirely more concerned with making that GOT DAMN DOG ON DUCK HUNT QUIT LAUGHING AT ME than I was of even THINKING about doing anything to better myself physically.

 

Van Horne, Bruiser

On-court:  The Bruise clearly didn’t earn his moniker by taking it easy on people.  I’ve already admitted that I was a bit intimidating by Bruiser when I first played with him, because he just had that look of a football guy who thought he was still playing football, except on a different surface.  Having played with him for a while now, I must say he’s got much more basketball acumen than I ever would have thought if you asked me back then.  Now whether he actually touches a basketball between PCTI’s is a legitimate question, but he’s not here for his finesse.  He’s a banger plain and simple, AND THAT’S WHAT BRUISER DOES:  CRABCAKES AND FOOTBALL BASKETBALL.  Building on this notion, my signature move for Bruiser is actually pretty fun to watch, and it’s a shame that he only realizes it 1-2 times per PCTI.  It’s when he realizes that he is pretty much immovable in the post, puts his defender in jail, and powermoves him for an easy Deuce (Hite).  Hell it was the first basket in PCTI II!  You have to wonder if his scorching start with his jumper in PCTI III made him abandon his post game.  But here’s hoping that we can all catch more than one or two glimpses of the Juggernaut in PCTI IV. 

 

Off-court:  The Bruiser is really just a teddy bear on the inside, and he’s fresh off a new marriage to boot.  He’s had quite a busy off-season, and you can’t help but wonder if he’s going to be all there when PCTI IV rolls around.  The one thing you don’t have to worry about with Ian:  the incredible curvature of his hat collection.  I mean, THAT BEND!  They’re all perfect upside-down U’s.  Hopefully I can find some one-on-one time with the man during IV to find out his secrets, and hopefully Deuce will be there to document it so I don’t forget.  PS- Good lord some of the people in these pics.



 

 

 

Donley, Scotty 2

On-court:  I wanted to use this space to remember a fallen comrade of ours.  He came into our lives nearly one year ago today, and he made quite an impression in his short time with us.  We had our ups and downs with him, but in the end we’ll remember him for what he was to all of us:  a great friend, and better lover.  RIP ZORRO…Now, Donley is one of those guys who doesn’t stand out in one particular category, but is just solid across the board.  Cockstrong I believe the term is?  Despite gravity-defying layups and lucky block parties, I’m going to flip the script a little bit and peg Donley’s signature move as one I haven’t actually seen before, but have heard the legend as spoken by his peers:  the patented Donley up-and-under.  No PCTI photographic evidence exists of this mythical move…I’m calling it the Yeti.  When it does finally rear its beautiful head, I expect a celebration sequence of epic proportions.  Since I have no stick of this move, I will instead use one of my favorite shots of Scotty 2 Donley instead.

 

Off-court:  I’ve had the pleasure of sharing a good portion of my PCTI IV preparatory talks with none other than the Donley, and my how wonderful it has been.  Hey Scott, you remember that one thing you said that one time?! OMG LOL!!!  We were just bros being bros…BASH BROS THAT IS.  DOUBLE B’S, SON.  Despite nearly giving malaria/pneumonia/whooping cough/hemorrhoids to everyone on the first day last year, he was able to shake it off and have an influence on the social scene.  But his signature off-court move, you ask?  The faux hawk, ladies and gentlemen, the faux hawk…so hot right now.

 

 

Murray, Wesley

On-court:  Gotcha!  You guys thought I was gonna call him some restaurant name, didn’t you?  That joke has been beaten like a dead horse…although if Murray keeps playing as poorly as he has, we might have to take him behind the gym and euthanize him after IV.  It’s no secret that Sir Wes-Eats-a-Lot’s game has taken a steady decline since his PCTI debut.  Frankly, at times last year he looked lost and disinterested.  Having played with him over the holidays, it is clear he is not quite where he used to be, but he seems to be rejuvenated and ready to play some good basketball at IV.  His silence via all technological formats adds to the mounting anticipation we all are beginning to experience, and that is wondering what he’ll look like and how he’ll play this year, and if we’ll have to nominate him as the first candidate to be voted out of PCTI due to pure talent deterioration.  No matter what happens during IV, though, someone is GUARANSHEED to get the Wes Murray special:  a box-out that looks completely illegal and borderline malicious.  You simply will not get that rebound, and if you do it will be an over-the-back on you.  Asshole.

 

Off-court:  Oh who the F am I kidding…

Dear Wes,

 

Clean that shit up.  Love, your equally terrible and out-of-shape friend

 

Spotlight, no last name needed

On-court:  You’ve got to be pretty fucking cool to only need one name.  Prince.  Yao.  Enya.  Raffi.  All of these folks exemplify the word “cool,” and Spotlight is no different.  The guy just has an aura about him.  Being the only person to never lose a game in PCTI history also carries some major Klout, and Spotlight will look to bring that winning pedigree to his squad this year.  While being pretty solid across the board, you can’t even think about Spotlight’s game without two simply basic yet devastating maneuvers:  the back-cut, and the rebound.  The guy is guaransheed to get loose from his defender for an uncontested layup or two solely due to his back-cut.  He sets it up so well, even when you know it’s coming.  Having played Spot a few times over the holidays, I have experienced its greatness firsthand, and we’ve developed some pretty killer chemistry.  I am excite to display, yes.  Additionally, have you ever encountered a better rebounding guard?  Show me someone who says yes to that question, and I will show you a liar.  Here’s how the caption of this photo would read, if there was one:  “MY BOARD” –Spotlight

 

Off-court:  A devastating womanizer, Spot has the ability to have any woman eating out of the palm of his hand with intelligent conversation and vivacious stubble.  I almost watched him single-handedly convert the best looking IRL (in real life) lesbian I have ever seen back onto the cranny ax (aka penis).  It’s a wonder she was able to get out of there un-mounted.  Whether it be some random lesbian or the lead singer of a house band, no one is safe from the wrath of the artist formerly known as Patrick Higdon.  I kind of hope he brings some sort of flashlight/light fixture to the bars in Scottsdale to shine onto his intended target, just so she can prepare mentally/physically for what’s about to happen to her.  JUST LET IT HAPPEN GIRL.  IT HURTS SO GOOD.

 

Carney, Big Bad Brent

On-court:  We all know why I put Brent down here at the bottom…to ensure that he was able to read the post so that DTOMFS doesn’t take his own email to heart and try to expel BC on bogus terms.  Because BC and I have never played together (except for PCTI I), I’m looking forward to the birth of the #fearthedeer duo that will wreak havoc on Team That.  This strapping young buck can do it all on the floor, and as he so astutely pointed out in II, there is no better lock for the guy who is going to get his while his team is getting thrashed.  The way he examines the stat sheet and is not surprised to learn he just went for like 26/10 makes me chuckle every time, and his the aftermath of his signature moves also makes me chuckle every time.  The BBBC sig happens once a year, and it’s always the same:  he’ll go to work on the block/elbow, get to the rim, get fouled, get his own board, get fouled again, get that board, get hacked again, and then either get fouled again and finally get the call, or get fouled again and lose possession.  The look on his face after that sequence signals the coming of the other on-court signature, the BC tantrum.  It can take many forms, but for the most part it is a passive-aggressive, condescending remark directed at the official who swallowed his whistle on the previous possession.  My favorite encounter, from PCTI III, went something like this:  (the possession right after BC got mauled a few times and lost the pill) Ref—“Foul on 40! (making signal of a hack on the arm)…BC—“Oh, did I get him on the arm?”…so nonchalant and callous.  Laugh every time.

Before:



After:

 

 

Off-court:  I, along with everyone else, appreciate the work that Deuce does in capturing these putrid displays of basketball on film for us every year.  How one can subject themselves to that, no matter the compensation, is beyond me.  But what I hope becomes a permanent fixture in that part of PCTI, and BBBC’s bread and butter, is the interviews conducted before, during, and after games in PCTI III.  It really added to the overall feel of the vid sticks, and there is no one better for the job than Carney.  He always asked the thought-provoking questions on the pods, and I thought he did a great job of mixing things up with different members of PCTI throughout the interview process last year.  OMG I don’t even remember what I said last year because I was soooo nervous getting interviewed by such a presence.  Here’s hoping they become a staple moving forward.  #fearthedeer

 

Wilson, Benjamin

On-court:  It’s not quite as fun to make fun of yourself, and I fear I’ve wasted all of my jokes on the rest of you, so I’ll make it short and sweet to wrap it up.  Everything that everyone says about me is true, except for B-EZ making DWade my NBA comparison in the Dead Sea scrolls.  I’m a great defender, a better lover, and the best hustle guy in this thing.  I think my signature move is taking and making one truly horrendous shot each year that no logical human should even think about shooting.  I think I blackout during the lead-up to whatever shot this is and then come to once it’s over.  Josh and I are the main culprits of taking bad shots, but man do these particular shots take the cake, yet they can’t be heavily criticized because they go in.  There has to be some inner “what the hell was that?” dialogue in everyone when it happens, but the conversion of said stupid shot keeps those thoughts buried inside.  I’d have to run the film back for PCTI I, but I remember the shot in PCTI II that takes this award:  the one-handed right-handed floater thing (while driving left) from the FT line with a Smo in my face (it was a banked And 1!!!).  PCTI III?  One of the better shots of just how dumb I can be.

 

Off-court:  I was adopted by bears.

 

And there you have it folks, the signature moves of each PCTI-er.  This post ended up taking a lot longer than I thought (read: over a year), but the wait allowed me to acquire some better material.  The next post from yours truly will be a blooper reel of sorts, with my favorite pictures from PCTI III that I found during my research for this post all put up in one place.  Until then, have lots of sex.  Wilson out.