AHOP’s Room Draft Big Board:

After such exciting news that this year we will be shaking things up and have a draft for hotel rooms, I knew the next thing that needed to be done was a Room Draft “Big Board”. Obviously, I am going to put the countless hours of work that I have to break down each person and how I think the draft will shake out. I couldn’t be more excited (unless I was already consuming alcohol while writing this). I will try to present some serious and not so serious explanations as to why I have a particular person at a certain spot. I will rank each person 1-10 as to best available roomie, and then in parentheses I will tell you where I think each person will be drafted. Some feelings might get hurt, but at least I won’t be as mean as Brian! First a ranking of the captains and then a couple things I hope/wish will happen:

1) Donley – Good looking cat that can also attract the ladies, and is married so he won’t commit a robbery on you (What Happens in PCTI…. Stays in PCTI). Ready to drink when the time is right. Potential to leave a day early and leave you. Negative: Makes you feel self-conscious when he has his shirt off.

2) Beasley – The new guy will be trying to make friends, so there is a good chance he will buy the room gatorades. Known for his good looks, so he can attract women for his roommates. He might steal one away though. Negative: Snorer (not yet confirmed).

3) McKinney – Seems like an overall very clean person. Doesn’t talk much which makes naps easier. Will not piss you off and when you piss him off he won’t say anything. Plus, pillow talk is just free law advice. Negative: Potential for awkward silences.

4) Smo – Guy thinks he’s funny, but also gives you a great fake laugh even when you’re not funny (I’m hilarious, so I only know from him doing this to Joe). Will put some beers down and seems like he’s ready to party when the time is right. Negative: he supposedly has a “his rim” he has very protective of, so no anal play with this guy.

5) Ben – This guy is a good time, but loves his music, so I hope you can nap while he is sampling the new Arcade Fire EP. Will go out and is ready to Party Rock. Always has snacks nearby, but isn’t quick to share. Negative: He is gross and get used to having pubes on you for the next week, similar to a dog that sheds a ton.

Hopes and wishes:

1) Joe and Pitto are in the same room. I would never do this as a captain, but good lord this would be awesome. Would Joe commit the first murder in PCTI history?

2) Sabin tries to sneak in whichever room DK is in because he is jealous of the bonding. He is really the only loser from us starting a draft for rooms.

3) Will the captains abide by DK’s wishes and pick “outside the box” for at least one selection? I hope.

On to the Big Board:

1) DK (4^th overall, Ben) – He is the President of PCTI, and knows the ins and outs of the Plano area. He’s seems like he has good hygiene, is domesticated (married), and will make sure you are on time everywhere. I think he drops because he isn’t “outside the box” because he is friends with everyone and g-chats everyone at least twice a week.

2) The Spotlight (8^th overall, Smo) – This guy is a mystery to all, which means he has the broadest range for draft status. Will the mystery produce enough fear of a bad roommate that these captains will pass to get something more familiar? Has he picked up a Bahston accent? If so that makes his stock plummet.

3) BC (5^th overall, Beasley) – Smooth talker who always seems to have a funny line. He is also pretty familiar with everyone. Being outside of a city where he is considered a legend might bring out the wild man in him.

4) Wesdonald’s (1^st overall, McKinney) – Some people have a knack for finding “hole in the wall” restaurants, but with this guy he is the master and can find the “gloryhole in the wall” restaurants. So expect to eat good if you room with him. Also, stays to himself and is pretty clean. McKinney grabs him first overall making this th

5) Abe (2^nd overall, Donley) – Had to put him in the middle, because if you want to go all out and party and try and get a blowy, he is the consensus number one. If you want a peaceful room, with and early to bed, early to rise type atmosphere, he is probably dead last.

6) Bad Boy (B-EZ) (3^rd overall, Smo) – Will he break the mirror and a lamp just to continue his bad boy ways? Probably. Good knowledge of sports and is a fairly considerate person. He farts a lot and takes joy in everyone gagging from the horrid smell.

7) Bruise (6^th overall, Beasley) – Bigger guy that takes up space on and off the court. Alabama fan, so he is definitely a redneck of sorts. If you do rub he the wrong way (no homo) he can snap everyone but Donley in two.

8) Joe (10^th overall, McKinney) – This guy is a hot head, but also has a lot of entertainment value. His improv makes him valuable until you want to watch real actors on the television. Very hard to sleep with the natural night light beaming from his teeth. Good potential to bring John O’Rourke back to the room, thus automatically making Joe a risky pick.

9) AHOP (7^th overall, Ben) – This guy brings everything to the table. Would be ranked number one, except he tends to skip multiple showers. If he can get that in check, he is the total package.

10) Pitto (9^th overall, Donley) – He hasn’t even been picked and is already complaining. Will be worse than a crying baby on a packed plane when separated from his BFF Brian Esky. He will walk in the room, take the remote out of your hand, put on basketball wives or gay porn, and call some “girl” back home (which will actually be Jordan Haislip). Donley wants to show him how to do a proper pushup and takes him 9^th; big mistake.