Musings on the Podcast

So last night I had a chance to listen to a 40 minute chat from 2 prominent members of Breaking Bad. Fittingly, they began their conversation with an evaluation of the top fast food choices available in the marketplace. As they discussed their preferences for McDonald’s fries and Chick-Fil-A nuggets, my initial thought was that these 2 jokers just don’t have the kind of discipline it takes to excel at life, much less PCTI. Their lazy analysis and incoherent speech patterns reminded me of Wayne and Garth after a recording session, or maybe a retarded version of Cheech and Chong during a bender. After having turned down the volume to a minimum to avoid the sloshing sounds of the Doctor and his disgusting and incessant masticating, they proceeded to evaluate the roster of Legs Feed the Wolf, as well as opine on the likely outcome of the tournament. Of course, I was appalled when these ass clowns projected a 4-0 series sweep seeing as how they have so little basketball talent on their roster outside of Abe, Donley, and Dawson. What’s worse is that they then insulted me for encouraging my team to show up in great physical condition, in addition to insulting the Godfather for his unbelievable organizational skills. Well done fellas, you nailed it! So listed below are a few of Sonny and Cher’s criticisms from the podcast, as well as my response to those allegations:

1) “Sabin is so dumb! He asked his team to get into great shape by getting in the weightroom and getting stronger, faster, and having more endurance.” I know, I know…it’s the worst criticism ever. If anything, it only points out how much I care about my team and our individual and collective success. Somehow, Bo and Luke mistook this for a character flaw. You might ask the question, “Why would BC and Joe make this a focal point of their conversation?” I’ve been pondering this myself and can’t come up with a clear conclusion. The best answer I can hypothesize is that they are physically intimidated by the amount of strength, speed, and athleticism coming their way. Maybe they don’t have enough stomach for the fight that is on the horizon, or maybe they don’t want to put themselves through the short-term pain that comes along with getting in shape in order to experience long-term gains. BC is fond of saying that my team just wants to perform Olympic style lifts in the form of power cleans and snatches. I think I understand his disconnected and malformed opinion. Listen, do I think deadlifts and hang cleans have a one-to-one correlation with PCTI success? No. But do I think that these exercises make one faster, stronger, tougher, and able to withstand the rigors of 7 games in 36 hours? You bet your ass I do. Unfortunately, this is where BC misses the mark as he fails to connect the dots of weightroom performance to increases in athleticism.

2) “They have 4 or 5 guys on their roster who are terrified to shoot the ball. Maybe we should play one foot in the lane and dare them to shoot so that we can play too”. So, let me see if I got this straight…Wes is strings, BMac is straight cash homie, BMW is a nightmare from anywhere on the court, Sabin and Krow excel at the midrange, Bruise is a more than capable shooter, and all indications point to Beas being superior from any range. So, I guess what they are really talking about is Smo choosing to be judicious with his shots? Does Smo jack up anything he can get his hands on? No. Is he capable of scoring backbreaking buckets at inopportune times for the other team? History says yes. Does our team value a teammate who chooses to make his teammates better by passing them the ball in their spots as opposed to being an indiscriminate Jack Johnson? You already know the answer to this question. What they are probably most concerned about is guys like Hops, Abe, Doctor, and BC using little to no discretion while putting up more FGAs than their ability warrants. So once again, this is a criticism that completely misses the mark, but did we expect much more from the Joker and the Penguin?

3) “Who is going to shut down Sabin? We have a lot of choices on our team, but who gets the pleasure of shutting him out?” First, thanks for the bulletin board material. Second, let’s think about Breaking Bad’s roster: if Pitto, Doctor, or Hops guard me, I’ll probably have the inside track for the MVP award. If Abe, BC, or Dawson guard me, I’m a lock for all-tourney at minimum. So your choices are B-EZ and Donley. All I can say about those two is this: Pick your poison, and let’s get to work.

4) “They’ll run up the floor for 5 minutes of Game 1, and then revert back to doing what everybody does in PCTI, which is jack up 3s and play soft defense.” Thanks for deploying your team’s strategy so quickly. We thought that you might actually be using some discretion in terms of how best to attack us, but now that we know you’ll be walking the ball up the floor and jacking up terrible shots, I feel even more confident about our probability of success. You don’t think Smo and Bruise are gonna beat your bigs down the floor? You think McKinney and Beas aren’t gonna go to work in the open floor against your wings? You think me and the BMW won’t be pushing the ball down your throats? And I’m just flabbergasted that you two don’t know what a hit-ahead pass is, masterfully employed by the Godfather. I gave you two too much credit for being basketball junkies. Now I understand that you two are just the Laverne and Shirley of PCTI. Once again, their criticism misses the mark entirely.

5) “Danny’s fledgling career is at a crossroads. Does he have anything left resembling basketball ability?” You know, Japanese Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto was quoted as saying this after his country bombed Pearl Harbor, “I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with terrible resolve.” And that’s all you’ve done by taking shots at the Organizer. So I guess I should just say thank you and move on. I hope you enjoy singlehandedly willing the Founder into the league lead in assists, steals, and AT ratio. Once again, Riggs and Murtaugh don’t do their team any favors.

Lastly, let me say that at least BC developed some opinions based on previous experience and I could tell that he had at least given some independent thought as to how things will play out in PCTI 3. As for the Doctor, his best analysis consisted of saying things like “Exactly”, “That’s true”, and “No Shit!”. Anybody expecting to get a shred of informed or reasonable analysis from the Doctor will be completely disappointed. I might suggest reading a book once in a while, Doctor, as it may help you to form linear thoughts about what you would like to express. If you two are looking to have an honest discussion about your chances in PCTI 3, then I invite you to bring me on as a guest for your next episode. Perhaps then we can begin to unravel the nasty mess you have created for your team with lazy analysis and intimidated blatherings.

Sabin