True Stories of Pickup Basketball

Some of you may know that I organize a pickup basketball game twice a week at my local gym, which is also a church. Over the course of the last 9 years, I have had an opportunity to kick out of my pickup game those who showed without confirming, friends of friends, those who I just don't like much, and general riffraff. I do this partly to control numbers at a manageable level, and partly because it bothers me when somebody gets something for nothing. However, today I was kicked out of my own gym in an ironic twist that allowed me to taste some of my own medicine.

Apparently, this morning at 630AM, my church gym had planned to hold a conference. I was unaware of it and we showed up to find 300 chairs and about 15 tables arranged in a nice, neat harmony. Upon seeing this, my choice was to leave it alone and play again next week, or risk the chance of disassembling the chairs and tables in hopes of finishing our pickup game, reassembling the chairs and tables, and hoping no one would notice or care. Of course, my hoops enthusiasm got the best of me and I decided that we would play. I reasoned that if we played from 630AM to 8AM, we would have plenty of time to reassemble to conference by it's commencement at 9AM. So we played. Unfortunately, the conference president showed up at 730AM and found us playing after she had been there until 2 in the morning making sure everything for the conference was perfect. When she entered the gym, this is the following dialogue that took place:

Conf President (screaming in a wild, frantic voice): "What are you doing here? Why have you ruined my conference? I am so sick of you guys!!!"
Me (to my players): "OK guys, game's over"
CP: I am so sick of you guys doing stuff like this!!!
Me: I'm not sure we've ever met before.
CP: What do I care? You're not even supposed to be here.
Me: I understand. We'd like to set the chairs up for you though.
CP: You bet your ass you're gonna set up the chairs!!! Get it done in the next 5 minutes then exit the building immediately.
Me (sheepishly): Yes ma'am. We'll get it done immediately.

After we completed the setting up of chairs and tables, I asked her her if there was anything else we could do to help. She said, "Yes, you can get out of here immediately". And I did.

Lesson: Dont disassemble a conference when it has been planned for more than a year just to play mediocre pickup basketball.

Sabin