Glitz and Glam

I, as Chairman of Competition Committee and Director of Player Personnel, have decided that since PCTI has been taken to the national stage, and we are getting more notoriety, we need to cover some basics (similar to NBA holding classes for rookies). Here are some expectations and things that might pop up:

Financial expectations – As lucrative as PCTI will most likely be one day, right now we are just trying to stay in the black. As broken down by President Krow, this weekend will cost a little bit of money. I believe everyone agrees it is totally worth it, we have some people that struggle with money. My advice would be set aside a separate bank account and every two weeks put $50 in it. If my calculations are correct, over a year you will save $1300. This can be your PCTI fund for travel an expenses of the weekend. This going to be plenty to cover things for PCTI, plus a little extra (donate to the slush fund if you want). A little at a time is easier than all at once.

Training expectations – All members of PCTI want the games to be good quality. Stay in shape in the off season. Whether you have a dictator type leader (Sabin) trying to force crossfit on you, or a laid back snowboarder (Abe) who hopes everyone is at least dribbling a ball once a year, we expect you to be in some sort of playing shape. As a group, we don’t want anything mandatory, but try and do whatever it is you might enjoy to stay within enough shape to finish a grueling weekend at PCTI.

Media expectations – Blog blog blog. Anyone and everyone. Believe me, you can’t attempt and fail at humor or reality as badly as Jeff Sabin and her blogs at least once a week (also, he is old and has a family, so if he can take the time, any of us should be able to). When the podcast reaches out, accept it or get fined. Try and get into a flow on there and let the hosts guide you.

Travel expectations – This one is easy. Get to the city we are playing in, in a timely manner. Also make sure you are taking into consideration other people traveling in and the easiest way to get to the destination. Don’t trash the hotel room unless you want to pay the damages.

Playing expectations – Everyone has their own style, but make sure you compete. Everyone in this has their strengths and weaknesses. Don’t pull a Pitto PCTI I and bitch out on your team because the refs sucked. Also make sure everyone gets their share of minutes. While I want to win as badly as the next guy, I also don’t want anyone to invest a bunch of time and money to come and only get 10-15 minutes a game. Believe me, there is no one coming that is so much worse than you that he shouldn’t get to play much (barring an injury of course).

Social expectations – As a man on his way to being an alcoholic, I wish everyone would drink (heavily) while we are there. But I understand some people think their bodies are temples (LOL, no) and I respect that. I do ask that you try and socialize with people (especially ones you may not know) when possible. We try and organize a dinner for everyone at least once a weekend and expect everyone to come. Other than that, we hope everyone will hang out during the other down time and meals, but we know some of y’all are douchebags and can’t help it. I hope one day we are generating enough money to rent a huge house we can all stay in for the weekend, but until then, make an effort to socialize. (**Similar to Vegas, what happens at PCTI [that shouldn’t], stays at PCTI. We don’t need Kelsey getting upset because someone leaked that DK got a meal that was not organic and was processed.**)

Things you want to be aware of now that we are becoming some of the most unknown unknowns.

Handouts – This has already started happening. People have given me access to arenas in order to try and get in PCTI. I’ve had some of my childhood friends from Dallas offer to buy me dinner in order to get location and game schedules of PCTI. Danny has gotten 2 pounds of grass fed all organic ground beef. Abe has gotten free pot, Wes free Chick-fil-a, Ben free back waxes (all are neither confirmed nor denied). Be aware of receiving these items and what someone might want in return. The last thing PCTI needs is a scandal because Bruise got free beers from Tin Roof from being in PCTI.

Autographs – This has also already come up a time or two. I know for a fact Smo signed a pair of Maya Moore Shocks a couple weekends ago for a 5^th grade girl that was a big fan of Smo and PCTI. I know it’s annoying, but think of the children. You are all role models whether you like it or not. If a pretty lady asks you for your autograph, you can bet she wants more. If it’s for a kid, suck it up and sign something.

Lawsuits – Now that we are in the spotlight (no, Spotlight “Higdon”), people are going to have some jealousy towards us. Our every move will be scrutinized. Say goodbye to privacy. Because of these combination of things, and the fact most Americans are lazy fucks, people will be looking for a free handout by capitalizing on anything one of us might do. Be careful of sexting, dick pics, etc (look at Greg Oden [no don’t], Olivia Munn [definitely do], and Christina Hendricks [another must]). Be careful of pushing cameras out of the way, using force on people, and getting hammered in public. Again DK does not want to deal with McKinney on the front of PerezHilton.com with the headline, PCTI star caught highly intoxicated with possible arrest for assault at hot Scottsdale club Myst.

Creepers – This is something we definitely have to worry about. I’ve heard reports of increased attention from women (and some men) by the likes of Beasley, Donley, and BC, but I thought that was because they are all beautiful. I credited being an “off limits” married guy to DK, Wes, and myself to the increase in private messages I get from women on twitter (wait Wes didn’t marry Chick-fil-a original sandwich?). Then the latest reports came trickling in, and it was spine tingling (not the good kind). Sabin first reported a couple women showing up to his crossfit workouts. We assumed this was to try and get workout plans for free since Sabin is not one of the weird, multi-wife Mormon (or is he?). Then they slipped him their number! Finally, a girl tried to worm her way into the PCTI family by “creeping” on Pitto. We will call her LB to protect her identity. Maybe it was the mutual love of “horse” socks they both frequently wear for good luck(Pitto in bball, LB for tests). LB has tried to relate with Pitto, by telling him she also is terrible at sports. This all started when Pitto introduced himself, and as a true creeper does, LB instantly Facebooked and Google’d him. Well with the Google search, she found a way to keep tabs, not only on Pitto, but 16 other men that participate in PCTI. She is in pharmacy school (some quick research revealed she was most likely going in order to find a man that could provide for her, and ended up flipping it and going after the poorest member of PCTI). Apparently she is attractive (even with small breasts and we all know Pitto is a “tits guy”, according to anonymous sources) so it was confusing for people to know her and Pitto had formed any type of connection. Then her IP address kept popping up on the blogs radar and it all made sense (FYI, LB if you read this Taylor Swift is awful). This is all said to warn every one of creepers and stalkers. As DJ Pauly D once said, “She’s stalking my whole life.” The next one might not be an attractive female that thinks we are funny.

I hope everyone learned a few things and hope that everyone will abide by the expectations and aware of the risks of the fame PCTI is starting to bring us.