At our age basketball is a drug

It starts for most of us at a young age. Easily written off as "recreational." That is, for those who took it no further. That wasn't us.

We begin to grow up and our self view takes form. It is among the first things we are able to crystalize about our being. It's not something we do, after all. It's who we are.

As we get older, a few things become clear. First, we're not among the precious small percentage that will use this as a means to gather tremendous amounts of wealth. Second, many of those who we initially identify with will lose the desire with time. For them the increasing complexities of adult life are a perfect distraction or excuse, or - and who can fault them for this? - justification to give it up. That's not us. We will keep going until our bodies physically can't take it anymore and we will probably demand that nature prove it more than once.

So we remain in the subculture. There's a  rhythm created by the sounds, words and patterns that make it easier to identify with strangers who are in than with people we've known our entire lives who are out. If it's inauthentic, it doesn't feel like it.

And then there was college. This is where it was available around the clock and without consequence. Our bodies were peeking physically. We had no idea how good we had it.

Things quickly change. Some return home and find that the same places and same people are now very different. We will have to scrounge. If we settle somewhere new we will go in search of it before we ever think to fill our cabinets with groceries. It's not found online or spelled out in a travel guide. There are certain people to ask. For us, those people are easy to pick out.

 If all else fails, the desperate and brave will head to the inner city. On the other hand, sometimes old, white guys are just as useful. Surprisingly, it's often available at churches and synagogues.

 By now we seldom experience the joy it once gave us. It has become a mechanism. It gets us through the week. Lets us check out. Stress evaporates. Sometimes we even sneak off and do it alone early in the morning or very late at night. An act that is both deeply therapeutic and self loathing.

 Each day after is worse than the last day after and one day after we know it will make it difficult to get out of bed. We hope it's not soon. After all, If we could live without it, we would already be doing it.

Anthony Hopkins: The Boy Who Cried Wolf Volume 2

The PCTI textwaves were popping on Saturday when news broke about Hops potential life threatening bouncey house knee injury.  My initial reaction was obviously "Why the hell were you jumping in a bouncey house this close to PCTI?"  Once I settled down a bit, I started having the expected conversations with various members, all who equally were as upset at the idea of losing Hops as I was.  I went as far as to dedicate my performance to him, knowing that you can't replace an Anthony Hopkins, both on and off the court. 

After a day came and went, I had more time to settle into my usual mindset, one that I would venture to say is the only thing Bambi and I have in common from a philosophical perspective, when someone says they are sick (see Donley last year) or hurt, we will need to see surgery or a death bed before we actually believe you.  As Monday afternoon rolled around, we both came to the decision that Hops had overreacted, and that he will be good to go.  Then the news broke an hour later this "devastating" knee injury would put him on the shelf a whopping two weeks.  It's always nice being right.

As a teammate of mine, I can't help but to question a couple things.  Was this a pathetic attempt by Hops to see how much the PCTI bretheren cared about him?  Should his toughness come into question?  Is he the next Eric Gordon of PCTI?  Was this all part of a grandmaster plan to recycle an unfunny Joe Thompson joke and claim it as his own?  All legit questions that I demand answers to.

Hopefully, everything ends up fine and Hops settles right back into his usual role hitting big shots in PCTI.

I just hope he toughens up in the next month.

The Complete Detail of Anthony Hopkins' injury

• How it happened:

A girl who was turning 25 on Saturday, wanted to do something a little different than “hey let’s go out to eat and go drink”, so she decided to hold an hour long trampoline extravaganza at Sky High, Nashville’s premiere trampoline place. I had actually told the girl I would not be jumping but I would attend and was informed there would be a couple others come but not jump. When I got there Saturday, the others that were not going to jump did not show up, and I love being peer pressured into stuff so I decided to go back to my childhood days and join them. Some highlights were the game of dodgeball my team dominated, the foam pit to jump into, and 4 guys in their mid 20s getting in trouble for playing break the egg. Then as I was jumping up and down, with no hot dogging and no contact, I all of a sudden felt a pop at the front of my left knee.

• The symptoms:

After the pop, I felt some pain in my knee but was able to walk off the trampoline and to the car. Once I got home I iced it down but the pain worsened and by that evening I was unable to put any weight on it at all. It hurt to straighten it and there seemed to be a small dent at the base of my knee cap, which (from what I read) indicates an injury to the patella tendon. A completely tear (which is what I thought I had) requires surgery and takes about 3 months to fully recover. I was devastated thinking I was going to miss PCTI.

• The diagnosis:

I went to Elite Sports Medicine to get my knee fully checked out. They took X-rays but did not perform an MRI. After some tests were done on my knee Jocelyn Rollins, ANP-BC, informed me that I only had a partial tear to the patella tendon and would not require surgery.

The prognosis:

I should be fully recovered in 3 weeks with some physical therapy to help strengthen the quads and patella, while also improving my range of motion. I will need to go 2-3 times a week for up to 6 weeks. I will also be on steroids for a week and after that cycle is complete, I will have a week’s worth anti-inflammatory to take. I should be back to non-contact drills in 2 weeks, and contact full speed drills in 3-4 weeks.

• My emotions:

While I was devastated because I truly thought I would not be participating, I am now focused on getting back to 100% as quickly as possible and be ready for PCTI once April rolls around. While I never said I was 100% certain I would be out, I did tell a few people there was a good chance that would be the case. For that reason I am ready for all the jokes and shots that I will get for this. Just know I have never wanted to be wrong more in my life, so I am happy I was. Not only do I get to participate, but I also get to ‘roid up before PCTI. Sorry for the terrible news Team Vision Board, but there will be the Hops Jog, boring trash talk, and the blow up. For our team, I along with everyone else on the team will be dedicating our play to me. We now have the emotional edge we were looking for.

Quick Stats Note

Countries who love them some PCTI...

1.)  Russia - Obviously.  Whether it's asteroids on their frontpage or PCTI on their homepage, Russians love when bombs (proverbial and/or meteoric) are dropped.
2.) Latvia - Don't have a clue. But I'm going to start telling people in LA that I played professionally there instead of Estonia from now on.
3.) Germany -With German names like Pitto, Krow, and McKinney, I know exactly why they come to PCTI.
4.) France - Sometimes our blog smells like body odor and a stale baguette.
5.) Bahamas - Recreational Gamblers have taken notice to PCTI betting lines.

Hops Tribute

I think it's safe to kid about the trampoline incident because I've already decided that Hops is incorrect in his self diagnosis and will be fine after a week or two of soreness.

A quick review, in case you were busy this weekend and are behind on exactly what happened.

What Did Happen:

A hop got hurt, possibly severely, by taking a hop on a trampoline.

What Didn't Happen:

Dan The boy did not get his eye gouged by a crow.

 Smo did not get a concussion by taking an oar to the temple.

 Bruiser was not pierced by a horn affixed to the hood of a Chevy Astro.

The author was not struck by a car in the knee.

Pitto did not fall in a pit.

Hops Tribute Day Post

If the rumor is true, this one hurts.  Not only do we lose out on watching the “Hops Jog” during a game, his vanilla trash-talking, but we also lose out on the 5-possession blow-up from Hops.  Three subtle things, we all can agree, that add texture to a great weekend.

The Hops Jog does not get enough cred or mockery in PCTI.  It’s only after a made basket for his team does the Hops Jog get activated.  He “runs” back on defense on his tip-toes, his body upright as if he is constipated.  It almost appears that he’ll tip over or poop his pants if you come into contact with him during his jog.  All the while, his teammates walk back faster than his jog.  It is every bit of poetry in motion due tenderness/slowness of his move, similar to reading a Shel Silverstein gem. 

His trash-talking that he steals from other great trash-talkers is ridiculous and hilarious.  It’s ridiculous to think that any trash talk in PCTI is actually happening.  But when Hops performs the occasional "EEWWWWWEELLLLLL", it’s hilarious because it’s not mean-spirited and it usually gets a good chuckle from me.  I’m going to really miss those jabs during the games.

The 5-possesion blow up happens once a weekend.  It starts with a bad turnover by Hops’ teammate.  The next possession is Hops going 1 on 5 through the lane and getting hammered.  However, there is no foul called by the stripes.  Next defensive possession, his teammate gets beat and Hops starts voicing loudly to “play defense” or “box out.”  From there, Hops jacks up/airballs an ill-advised 23-footer.  The other team scores again, and with Hops’ emotions all over the floor, he puts his head down and drives again 1 on 5 and this time gets fouled.  He subsequently checks out after this series of events.

Hops, I hate this for you, bro.  I hope you still come to Phoenix, but I will not hold it against you if you don’t show up.  I also vote to not let Dawson Huff back in this thing as a replacement.

From The Desk Of Fruit Man Dan: This One's For AHOP

From The Desk Of Fruit Man Dan-Physical PCTI4

MYTHBUSTERS: Jeff Sabin 20 Point Club

A lot of chatter has been going on lately in PCTI. With it comes a lot of humor, analysis, and jabs. When Jeff Sabin opens his mouth (does a blog), you can expect a couple things: 1) Claims that his team can do a variety of things and 2) jabs at the other team that, while he may try to do with some humor, usually comes across personal. His latest post did not fail to deliver these tendencies. I don’t need to break down the sarcastic slights he sent our teams’ way. Let’s look at a claim that he made of his team (and not the “they have a bunch of guys who are mean assholes” either).

 “I know, right? That team sucks. I mean, all they really have is 5 guys who can get you 20 points in any game.”

I am not sure if he is exaggerating, trying to be funny, or actually believes this. If you look at the statement as if it is something that could happen, then yes, they have 5 guys who can get you 20 points in any game. In fact they have 8 guys that can do this. So does our team. If someone decides, “fuck it I am shooting every time I touch the ball and not coming out unless I am forces out.” Then I think anyone has the ability to get to 20 points. The problem is, we aren’t playing at the Y and we are doing what we can to win. At first I thought, "let me look up who in PCTI has scored 20 points in a game." Once I got started, I also wanted to see what the impact on their team was as far as winning and losing goes.

Some interesting findings: there has been 9 people who have score 20 or more points in a game in PCTI. 21 times has someone score 20+ points. Each team this year has 4 players that have gone for 20+. The overall W/L record for the teams that have had a player score 20+ is 12-9 (there were games where both teams had a player score 20+).

So below is a chart that shows all the 20 point games in PCTI history and tells you A) the player B) the point total C) which year and game of PCTI it was in and D) if the player’s team won.

Player	Points		PCTI	Game
Joe Thompson	30	W	3	4
Ben Wilson	29	L	1	2
Ben Wilson	27	L	2	1
Brent Carney	26	L	1	3
Brent Carney	26	L	1	4
Mike Hite	26	W	1	6
Josh Pitto	25	L	2	3
Brent Carney	24	L	2	5
Jeff Sabin	24	L	3	1
Anthony Hopkins	23	W	2	2
Joe Thompson	23	W	1	2
Mike Hite	22	W	1	3
Josh Pitto	22	W	1	1
Michael Beasley	21	L	3	4
Ben Wilson	21	W	2	5
Jeff Sabin	21	L	3	3
Josh Stephen	21	W	1	4
Josh Stephen	21	W	2	4
Josh Stephen	21	W	3	3
Josh Stephen	20	W	2	6
Josh Stephen	20	W	3	2

And just because it makes their team look bad, win loss record by each person:

Player	Wins	Loss
Michael Beasley	0	1
Anthony Hopkins	1	0
Josh Pitto	1	1
Mike Hite	2	0
Jeff Sabin	0	2
Joe Thompson	2	0
Ben Wilson	1	2
Brent Carney	0	3
Josh Stephens	5	0

You could dig even deeper and see how efficient each player was getting their 20 points, but in the end it will come down to who can not only score but also rebound, pass, and defend. Hopefully Team Vision Board just relies on all their guys that can drop 20 points whenever they want.

Lost Files Re-Visited

In one of the more deviously diabolical schemes in PCTI’s history, I planted a PCTI-approved recording device on DK’s phone which allowed me to intercept the recent basketball dialogue that Eskildsen’s team had. The following is the word-for-word transcription of said dialogue, without the least deviance or variation. It certainly helped me to gain insight into his team’s thinking, and hope it will for you as well:

 

Abe: I can’t wait to beat Joe and become the only undefeated player in PCTI.

Hops: I know, right? That team sucks. I mean, all they really have is 5 guys who can get you 20 points in any game.

Pitto: Yeah, Joe’s such a bad drafter that he didn’t even consider drafting me. I mean, who doesn’t want me on their team?

Eskildsen: Hang on a second guys. Maybe we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves. I mean, they are big and strong. And they have a bunch of guys who are mean assholes. And they do have some guys who can get buckets in bunches. Maybe this won’t be as easy as we originally thought….

Entire Team: Shut the fuck up, Coach! We’re just better than them!

Smo: I know I fouled out of every game last year fellas, but I think I’ll be able to cause defensive problems for their bigs.

DK: Yeah, because of your incredible length and help-side defense. Plus, McKinney is gonna be huge for us this year. I know I say that every year, but this year I believe it.

BMac: I believe in myself….I believe in myself…I can do it….I’m better than 7 and 4 on 37% no matter what 17 games of stats say!

Beas: Well, at least we have the point guard position settled. I’m runnin’ the one guys.

DK: Maybe you don’t realize that I’m the best PG in PCTI history, young fella. I’ve got the lead.

Pitto: Then how am I gonna get to dribble the ball 28 times before I give it up? When I’m done dribbling, then you guys can have it.

Abe: You clowns need to pipe down. That ball is gonna be shot by me long before you jokers get to think about handling it.

Esk: Wouldn’t it be best if I orchestrate this year, guys? Remember, 20 passes before we turn it over or jack up some 3 pointer we can’t make. Turn down good shots early in the possession in favor of worse shots later on. I am a coach after all.

Abe: You can take 20 passes and shove it up your ass. I may not make 20 passes in the whole weekend.

Hops: At least we are the better team. We know it and they know it.

Esk: Wait, what are we so over-confident about? I drafted a bunch of guys who score 7 points per game along with PCTI’s resident volume shooter and Antoine Walker-imitator Abe. Holy Shit! I just realized I screwed up my draft for the second time. Crap!

Pitto: I know…I was wondering why you drafted me in the third round ahead of much better players when you could’ve drafted me last. I mean, didn’t you know that Joe hates me?

Hops: Don’t worry guys. We have chemistry and they don’t.

DK: What do you mean? Their whole team hates our Captain, you, and Abe now that he put us in the over-dog role. By the way, thanks Abe. Moron.

Smo: Relax guys. I’ll just makes some jokes before the game and that should give us a false sense of basketball chemistry.

Entire Team: Shut your pie hole, Smo. You’ve got enough on your plate with a pissed-off Bruise staring you down.

Beas: Dammit, I knew this was gonna happen. I wish I was back on Sabin’s team. Now that guy knew what leadership was about. Maybe I can still get a trade…

Hops: Screw you, Beas. You’re out of Quad Pod. Now we’re just the Tri-Pod.

Pitto: Can I take his place?

Hops & Abe: Hell no! We’d rather have Sabin in the pod! Speaking of, anybody got his number?

DK: Inaudibly thinking to himself….“Maybe I can get a trade too. I’ll talk to Joe tonight.”

BMac: Anybody know any scorekeepers we can get for the tourney?

Smo: So a guy walks into a bar and……

Eskildsen: I hate my team. Inaudibly to self….“Maybe I can get packaged in a deal with Danny….”

Bash Bros

WE SOME HEAD BUSSAS. 

Shout out to my boy Dean wafting my butt toots for all to endure.

I would be humbled to be an honorary member of the Bash Bros.  I look forward to slappa da bass to round out what will be quite a dynamic rhythm section.  Those Natty Light boxes never stood a chance.  Our band name you ask?  Kirby KnucklePuckett.

PS- We can build on this to form quite a family band...Of course The Doctor will be our first lead man, with his electric onstage presence, and Spot can man the second lead vocals and rhythm guitar (I'm sure Angelee taught him well).  We'll have a Linkin Park dynamic with two singers...BC can flip his lead guitar upside down and play right-handed a la Jimi Hendrix, just to make a statement...Bash Bros+Goldberg in the rhythm section...Ruby Wesday can play triangle to keep energy expenditure to a minimum...and Sabes can be the Double Dream Hands Dancing Guy that will captivate the audience through the art of bodily expression.

KIRBY KNUCKLEPUCKETT, YOU GUYS.  TOURING APRIL 18-21 ONLY, SCOTTSDALE AZ.

I'm changing the tune.

From the Desk of Fruit Man Dan-QP Identity Crisis

Shout Outs and Bulletin Board Material

Normally, I like to hide in the dark recesses of the comments section of this blog, but tonight I was feeling frisky. I spent 3 hours reading and watching PCTI material which naturally got me thinking about the upcoming weekend and, in turn, motivated me to spend almost another 5 hours crafting a blog post. About what? I had no idea when I started.

Random Thoughts

• I am uber (didn't feel like searching for the diaeresis hotkey) confident in our team. Everyone put a note in your iPhones that I'm going on record by saying "Team Whatever The Fuck Our Name Is" will win the series in convincing fashion, 4-1. Think I'm crazy? I had the same confidence about my team last year and we all witnessed the result. Why do I think this? I will get into this later.

• Although QP is a way of life, PCTI is my brotherhood. I really look forward to seeing everyone in April. Definitely way more than seeing any of my other friends or family any time during the year. Wes, however, may not believe that statement since I completely flaked out on him when he was in Denver a few weeks ago. My bad Wes. I hope you had a wonderful visit.

• I love the creativity of our blog and vid/podcast contributors. Mad props to Brown Hero for what has certainly been one of the top posts of the year. The "What's In A Name" series has enlightened everyone (who actually reads the blog) with a clever blend of intelligence, imagination, and originality. I think we are all aware that it will take our collective ingenuity to maintain the blog in the future as most topics will quickly be exhausted, but I'm confident that we have the brains to do it.  #egostroked

Blog Teaser
Here is a sentence where I tease a groundbreaking blog post that I just thought up: PCTI Personas - On and Off Court (working title). After writing it, I may even be able to say I've been published. 55K for that Psychology degree is starting to pay off. Odds that I actually follow up and write it... slim.

Are We In For Another Trouncing?
Here's a bunch of bulletin fodder for your vision board. I don't think that it's so far fetched when I say that this year could result in another near sweep. Lemme back back back it up with some no holds barred, amazingly substantive arguments. Gentlemen, it's time to stop living in a fantasy world and start talking reality.

- JOE -

overrated ballplayer, underrated thespian 

Did he have a good year last year? Sure. Was it overblown? Definitely. Will he have a repeat performance? Nope. Why not? Take your pick...

aloof

arrogant
belligerent

big-headed

bitchy

boastful

bone-idle

boring

bossy

callous

cantankerous

careless

changeable

clinging

compulsive

cowardly

cruel

cunning

cynical

deceitful

detached

dishonest

dogmatic

domineering

finicky

foolish

foolhardy

fussy

greedy

grumpy

gullible

harsh 

impatient

impolite

impulsive

inconsiderate

inconsistent

indecisive

indiscreet

inflexible

interfering

intolerant

introverted

irresponsible

jealous

lazy

machiavellian

materialistic

mean

miserly

moody

narrow-minded

nasty

naughty

nervous

obsessive

obstinate

overcritical

overemotional

parsimonious

patronizing

perverse

pessimistic

pompous

possessive

pusillanimous*

quarrelsome

quick-tempered

resentful

rude

ruthless

sarcastic

secretive

selfish

self-centred

self-indulgent

silly

sneaky

stingy

stubborn

superficial

tactless

timid

touchy

thoughtless

truculent

unkind

unpredictable

unreliable

untidy

untrustworthy

vague

vain

vengeful

vulgar

weak-willed

* My favorite word of the bunch, and I had no clue what it meant... that is, until I stumbled upon this gem:

Pusillanimous

(Editor's Note: I just copied and pasted this list of negative personality traits from the internet and assumed that most applied to Joe)

- IAN -

heady with eternal chip on shoulder that results in more heady-ness

See: Snowball Effect. Of course, everyone in PCTI is capable of more than they will actually contribute. Ian defines that statement. At the end of the day, under all those muscles, is just the cutest, cuddliest, little teddy bear of a boy. My advice to Ian... don't put so much pressure on yourself to perform well this year. You won't.

- JEFF -

old man getting older

Jeff miraculously defied the aging process last year by putting up some pretty gaudy stats... and oh, winning ZERO games. It's just too bad father time will get the best of him this year. My advice to Jeff... avoid your pocket watches, hourglasses, and sun dials as they will only serve as a painful reminder of what is so quickly slipping away.

- PATRICK, QP -

book smarts vs. da streets

We all know how cut-throat it is on the PCTI court. With nicknames like "Bad Boy" and "Fruit Stand" floating around, it must be intimidating for the nerds in the audience to feel like they belong. Unfortunately, Patrick's unassuming lifestyle of sitting in libraries will negate the progress he made last year. Plus, the whole world now knows your only strength, Mr. Back Cut.

- BENJAMIN -

and let the fat lady sing...

After quite literally standing around to watch his team crumble last year, is this caucasian Khalid El-Amin poised for a comeback performance? I think not. Atlanta is no place for a basketball playing grizzly bear to cultivate his game. Unless of course it's his rap game. But it's not. I suppose it is only fitting that this music maestro will be played out with a swan song.

- SCOTT -

a self defeating attitude lends itself to failure

Confidence? None to be found here. After reading what I thought to be one of the best posts in blog history, I later realized that it was riddled with insecurity. I prey on girls with insecurities. Just look at my match.com profile. My advice to Scott... don't be such an easy target baby cakes ;-)

- WES -

nothing to be said

Oh wait, I forgot I did have something to say. Remember last year when Wes "achieved" the only negative number in that weird statistical category that Jeff made up? That was funny.

- BRENT -

the camera doesn't always add ten pounds

One day we are all going to look back and wonder why we didn't address the psychological problems that drove BC to his eating disorder(s). I know vanity is rampant in our society but Bambi, you have friends and we are here to help. It's just impossibly hard to play well when you're mentally cowering in a hidden closet filled with emotional pain.

P.S. I put you at the end so you would have to scroll all the way down to get to your name.

A few points to end on:

- the truth hurts -
- italics are classy -
 - i ♥ all of you -