Basketball Euphemisms that don't Jibe

Basketball Euphemisms that don’t Jibe

Like many of you, I have watched my fair share of NBA and collegiate basketball games over the past 25 years. I can remember falling in love with the NBA in the mid 80s as teams like Bird’s Celtics and Magic’s Lakers were competing for titles. During this time, I got to witness some unbelievable talent come into the league, including Jordan, Akeem, Bias, Malone, Dominique, and my personal favorite, Chuck Nevitt. But what really hooked me was the fact that my team, the Dallas Mavericks, were going toe-to-toe with the Lakers for Western Conference supremacy, armed with the likes of Aguirre, Tarpley, Sam Perkins, Derek Harper, Ro Blackman, and Dale Ellis. Put another way, my Mavs were straight ballers. Unfortunately, we didn’t have enough to beat the Lakers, instead settling for some deep playoff runs that did not culminate in a championship. However, it instilled in me a great sense of enjoyment and pride in my team and in the NBA. I thought that it was simply the best sport going, played by the best athletes in the world.

So, obviously I began to watch as much basketball as I could, even convincing my Dad on several occasions to let me stay up late on a school night to watch the Mavs west coast games versus the Lakers, Clippers, Sonics, and Blazers. However, the more that I watched, the more I began to realize that the basketball commentators used code language that I didn’t necessarily understand. For example, they would routinely refer to a guy like Craig Ehlo as gritty, gutty, tough, competitor, and hard worker. But while Jordan was putting up 60 points on Ehlo’s Cavs, I never heard Jordan referred to as gritty, gutty, hard worker, or possesses a lot of guile. And of course, I then began to realize at a relatively young age that basketball broadcasters are biased and describe games and players based on their own stereotypes and preconceptions about how a player should play. One of my personal favorites became describing a white guy as “deceptively fast”, while his equally talented, equally skilled, equally athletic black counterpart may be described as “not trying very hard”. So with that being said, I’d like to throw out a few of my favorite basketball code word euphemisms, along with what I perceive them to mean and how it might be used in a game setting.

1) The role player/journeyman.

Used in a sentence: Brian Scalabrine is a role player for the Celtics. He knows his role, supports his teammates, and does what he can to help the team win.

What it really means: This guy is not very good at basketball, and probably won’t be asked for his autograph by anyone.

Example: Sometimes a role player/journeyman might get subbed into a game and the commentator’s first thought might be “Wow, what a non-factor this guy is”. Of course, because it is relatively unprofessional to say something like that, the broadcaster will instead point out that he is a good support player, knows the “system”, knows his “role” on the team, doesn’t get outside of his ability, works well with others, is a “hard worker”, or perhaps even that he “can contribute when called upon”. It’s all code for “this guy has a skillset deficiency and won’t be playing much unless our good players are injured”. Good examples of role player/journeymen are guys like Tim Legler, Erick Dampier, Juwan Howard, Nazr Mohammed, and Chris Duhon…guys that you like as teammates, but just don’t bring enough to the table in terms of talent.


2) The Banger.
Used in a sentence: The Mavs are getting beat up tonight physically. Maybe they need to bring in a banger to match the other team’s physicality.

What it really means: This guy can’t shoot beyond 2 feet.

Example: You might call someone a banger if you think that they can get under the basket and use their physical strength and toughness to take contact from players on the other team. And it seems like a compliment at first. But then you realize that anybody who can shoot the basketball never gets called a “banger”. Can you imagine Dirk, LaMarcus, Bargnani, or Bosh ever being called a banger even if they are actually, you know, banging? Of course not, it strains credulity to think so. So basically, what you are saying with a banger is that he works hard, he is physical, he is OK with getting hit a lot, and doesn’t shoot from outside the charge semi-circle in the paint. Examples of bangers include guys like Kendrick Perkins, Ben Wallace, Aaron Gray, the Collins twins, and Shelden Williams.


3) The Sparkplug/Scrappy/Feisty Player.

Used in a sentence: I love watching JJ Barea draw a charge. He is such a scrappy sparkplug.

What it really means: You are small, probably white, probably slow-ish, and have to over-try just to compete against better athletes and players.

Example: Avery Johnson made a career out of being a scrappy, feisty player. Because he over-tried on most possessions, it took the focus off the fact that he couldn’t shoot, couldn’t penetrate off the bounce, and couldn’t keep his man in front of him on defense. And of course, since he played PG, this was a really big problem. Instead, commentators would say code phrases like “Kevin Johnson is blowing past Avery on almost every possession, but the Little General is competing by being scrappy and feisty”. And all that really means is that the basketball announcer was slow, white, and small himself, so he saw himself through the lens of Avery. If he were unbiased, he would’ve described the action as follows: “KJ is kicking Avery’s ass tonight. Maybe Poppovich should take the Little General out of the game and get someone in there who has a better chance of stopping him”. Examples of scrappy, feisty sparkplugs include guys like John Crotty, Steve Wojiehowski, Jon Scheyer, Greg Paulus, Bobby Hurley, Jacques Vaughn, Jerry Sichting, and any other white guard from Duke that can’t play basketball very well.


4) The Competitor.

Used in a sentence: I love having Larry Bird as a teammate. He is such a competitor.

What it really means: This guy is a raging asshole.

Example: For years, Kevin Garnett, has been lauded as a competitor, someone who brings intensity, fire, passion, will, and arrogance to his team. Of course, the implication of this is simply that every one of Garnett’s teammates over the past 14 years has not been a competitor, or that they are not competitive. So while being an alleged compliment to Garnett, it is certainly a slap in the face to his teammates. You telling me that Sam Cassell, Terrell Brandon, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, and Malik Sealy weren’t competitors? But the only people who describe this “competitor” as such are his own teammates, and his own team’s broadcasting employees. The little known secret is that other teams and players around the league hate this guy because he is dirty, cheap, arrogant, and is basically an asshole in every sense of the word. Dirk has routinely described Garnett as “an asshole” over the past 12 years, and Dirk is one of the best “competitors” in the league. Examples of competitors include the aforementioned KG, Kobe, Michael Jordan, Artest, Bruce Bowen, DeMarcus Cousins, Larry Bird, and Alonzo Mourning.

5) The Veteran.

Used in a sentence: Juwan Howard is a veteran. He is professional, classy, works hard, and is a good presence in the lockerroom. He really helps our basketball team.

What it really means: This guy can’t play basketball any more. It has been 5 years since he made a meaningful contribution to a team.

Example: For whatever reason, there are some guys who just continue to hang around on rosters well past their useful shelf life. In many ways, they are like a vehicle that is still chugging along slowly after 20 years, even though its motor was shot 10 years ago, the tires are bald, and the check engine light is always on. And what makes it worse, these guys won’t retire, instead clinging to the hope that they can help a team win through his “leadership”, “craftiness”, and “veteran presence”. Unfortunately, these are all code words for getting his ass kicked on the court by better, younger, faster, more athletic, and more skilled opponents. But as long as he is a veteran, you can’t criticize him because he “been through the battles” and “knows the ropes”. And of course, teams won’t cut him because it seems heartless and cruel, when in actuality it is merciful and beneficent. Examples of “veterans” include players like Howard, Kevin Willis, PJ Brown, Chris Mihm, and Patrick Ewing with the Orlando Magic.

So, next time you watch your favorite NBA game, be on the lookout for these euphemisms and feel free to add your own to this seemingly neverending list of misconceptions, stereotypes, racial bigotry, and biased reporting.

Sabin