Breaking News: PCTI on brink of collapse, members in open revolt
After having established the most beloved and revered basketball tournament of his generation, Commissioner Dan Fruit has been unable to finalize the 5th installment of PCTI. Although the first four PCTI events had their own set of challenges and difficulties, they pale in comparison with the seemingly insurmountable task of selecting a weekend to hold the popular tournament this year. "This has been the most challenging PCTI offseason ever" affirmed the Godfather. "My BORED has abandoned me and every PCTI member is presenting me with problems, but none with solutions. I mean, what am I, a consultant? Fix your own damn problems, people."
Standing in the way of date completion are the following life events: pregnancy, weddings, higher education, career advancement, family obligations, prior commitments, and for some unknown reason, a fishing trip. Several weeks ago, the event seemed to gained steam as a date was set for late May. However, one of PCTI’s legacy members, BC, threw a wicked curve to the rest of the group by stating that was Ron Burgundy week and that he could not abandon his job during that weekend. He explained by saying "Do I feel bad? Yeah, kinda. Should I have read my email and checked my calendar a little closer? Probably. But am I too goddamned important to PCTI to allow it to go on without me? You bet your ass! Look, I’m the Brat and I’ve got Dan’s ear and I’m gonna be at that tournament even if it causes everybody else to rearrange their lives. And if you can’t get down with that, then don’t come to my wedding! No seriously, come to my wedding as long as you bring a gift. Except Skillz, I still hate that guy."
Some PCTI participants were financially damaged by the recent cancellation. Wes Butter, one of the tournament’s least active participants, stated "Once the announcement was made, I immediately booked my flight, hotel, and rental car which set me back a few coins. But after that, I turned off my email, text, Skype, Facebook, Twitter, blog, phone, and pager so I could focus on my job and the mountains. Next thing I know, the tournament is canceled and I’m out $750? Who’s gonna reimburse me for that? I mean, should I have followed any of the 200 emails that followed the initial announcement? Maybe. But that’s not the way I do things! I like to check in once a quarter for my information. Hang on… I’ll call you back, there’s an In-n-Out Burger coming up."
Not all PCTI participants have been adversely impacted by the cancellation though. Incomprehensibly, some members were unaware of the announcement and subsequent aborting of the event. When asked what he thought of the inability to confirm PCTI V, Bryan Skills said "Oh yeah, I almost forgot that I’m a part of that. Now when do we do that again? Sorry, I’ve just been really busy coaching real basketball players to have to worry about the quasi-pickup players in PCTI. In fact, I’ve got to go. There’s a 6’6" kid from Nashville I’m recruiting. He’s not very good at basketball because I haven’t coached him yet. He probably wouldn’t even get drafted into PCTI, but he can pass his A.C.T. and I like smart players."
Where does this leave the 16 players and one cameraman who love the event and look forward to it each season? In a word, nowhere. Most are hopeful that the event will still happen this summer, but some are losing confidence. Last word goes to PCTI’s most popular character Joseph Thomason who recently said "Did you guys know they just legalized pot in Colorado? Two words for you brah…..road trip!"
Sabin
