PCTIV Off-Season Rivalry Watch

Disorganization and dissension are two of the buzz words within the PCTI organization as year 5 gets closer and closer.  Between the power struggle of the Bored, the lack of leadership displayed from the "commish," and scheduling conflicts across the board, many have said this off season is proving to be PCTI's toughest since existence.

The one bright spot of this is that disorganization and dissension leads to angry members, and angry members leads to rivalries.  As such, allow me to call out a few of the top as we move closer to PCTIV, which still at this point has no legitimate tip off time.

1. Dani vs. PCTI: 

I'm not sure any one person has been targeted more in an off season than Danie has over his lack of leadership and vision laid out for PCTIV.  Outside of the usual shots from his bratty friend The Brat, Danie has taken hits from Beas, Bruise, Spot, Hops, McKinney, Sabin, Ben, and Donley the last few weeks, none of which has seemed to cut him deep enough to change his habits.  At some point, one has to wonder if the ongoing power struggle with the BORED is wearing on him, or if he secretly enjoys watching his once beloved PCTI fall apart due to his lack of availability, with the ultimate idea that he can come in and save the day.   

2. The Brat vs. Nature:

The Brat has showed over the years that no one is off limits if he feels someone receives credit they don't deserve.  Enter PCTI's golden boy (who's popularity alone had him upset) who received ATT votes in his first year for his performance in one game for a team that got swept, than followed it up with MVP votes after posting a 6 and 6 stat line.  As such, The Brat has waged war and has shown no signs of backing off anytime soon.  Something to watch: The Nature Boy is notorious for not responding to criticism, but secretly developing a distaste for a person that can't be reversed.  I expect the gloves to come off when the two square off if PCTI5 ever happens.

3. The Actor vs. Everyone but McKinney:

I'm not sure I've ever seen one person's reputation steadily decline in a more impressive fashion than The Actor's has.  Whether it's by choice of his own, or his peers growing tired of trying to figure out if he's in or out of character, everyone is over it.  He's doing a hell of a job at turning people against him.  After year 1, The Actor walked out with only Pitto against him.  As of last year, I can't confirm any fans of his acting outside of one Bryan McKinney, who should be crowned for not only his loyalty, but the fact that he consistently laughs at any of his jokes.  To top it off, he continued the ongoing calf joke as the reason he couldn't get together for a PCTI hoop session.  

4. Anthony Hopkins vs. Tri-Pod:

In what was one of the most shrewd front office moves I can remember, Abe Stephens snatched up his three members of the (formerly) Quad Pod in the draft, making it obvious he was ready to trim the fat of his group and turn the QP into what a group who claims to be known for quality partying and good looks should be... A group with only members that are good at partying and are good looking.  With no more A. Hops, they now have that.  The question will be if Hops will recognize that and leverage it into a dominant defensive PCTI5 performance, or he will play dumb and try to tag along with this group of pretty boys.

5. The Don vs. Jeff Sabin:

This one came out of nowhere and hit the PCTI email chain like a ton of bricks. No one is quite sure how this former bromance turned rivalry will shake out, but I imagine it will intensify after Sabin delivering a crushing burn to Donley, one that left him speechless for the first time I can remember.  

PCTIV Dates Announced, Wall Street Reacts

In what has been one of the most tumultuous quarters in company history, the PCTI Bored of Directors have finally announced May 22-25 as the official time for PCTIV, in Denver, CO.

The late announcement and overly volatile off season can be attributed to a few things.. PCTI CEO Fruit Man Dan has been in an ongoing proxy battle with activist hedge fund manager Anthony Hopkins and his company, Quad Pod Investments.  Hopkins, like his mentor Carl Icahn, is known for his behind the scenes efforts in rallying high profile employees in an effort to overthrow the leadership group to be able to extract value that his company believes is not being tapped.

Additionally, the PCTI Bored has been in an ongoing fight to avoid a Union from forming.  Joe Thompson's efforts to convince fellow employees they aren't being treated properly and don't have the voice he believes they deserve is starting to gain steam.

PCTI Holdings (symbol: PCTI) is up 10% in pre-market trading with the news an agreement has been made. Goldman Sach's has upgraded the company to "Buy" status, citing PCTI's market share and lack of competition as reasons the company is a good play long term.  

Found Some!

Plano Gazette - 12/11

 

More than four years after launching the most successful basketball tournament the world has ever known, PCTI is on life support as its BORED of Directors has failed to finalize a date for spring competition. Routinely held in April, the tourney is beloved by its 16 members and generally called the best weekend of the year.

However, for reasons unknown to anyone, the exclusive league’s commissioner and assistants have deferred the task of setting dates to two players, one whose wife is pregnant and the other who is pursuing higher education. Meanwhile, the 14 other players in the club remain unsatisfied and confused as to the lingering malaise of what participant Petrick Higden calls "undecisions."

"Look, we’re all happy for Dumley. He is a good guy and is the best swordfighter in PCTI. But seriously, are you kidding me? You can’t tell your wife to bring a child into the world on any other month outside of April? That should’ve been the first thing that entered his mind when his woman started asking for his seed. We can all do math…9 months back from April is July. Just don’t get busy in July!", Higden stated.

Not to be outdone, other players expressed their disgust and outright disdain for the current leadership of the PCTI hierarchy. One such player is Brant Carnie, whose conflict of interest as both player and member of the BOD was evident as he ranted: "I’m so sick of PCTI not being set up. If it’s not set up, then I can’t get around not helping my fiancé with our wedding. Speaking of things I’m sick of, I’m so sick of people not thinking I’m a good basketball player even though I’ve been drafted in the first round of every tournament. I’m also sick of Michael Beasley because I’m much at better at basketball than him and he’s not that good-looking! I mean, dammit, when are people gonna see how great I am?"

Some analysts are beginning to whisper that V will actually never occur, sparking debate about whether PCTI’s glory days are already behind it. Tony Hopkens temporarily assuaged those fears by confidently proclaiming "Everybody just needs to turn down the volume a little bit. There’s a lot of noise right now in the lamestream media suggesting the tournament won’t happen this season. I’m here to tell you it will. I’ve just got to get this accounting class out of the way first. And I know most people think that accounting has never generated wealth for anybody, and they’re right, but it’s something that is important to me and therefore important to PCTI."

The utterance by Hopkens added fuel to an already combustible fire. As we caught up with PCTI’s most outrageous personality, Mike Smo, there was a palpable sensation that the raging inferno had reached critical mass. He voiced his displeasure by stating "Listen here playboy….no, not over there, over here playa. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to say ‘I told you so?’ Pretty damn long, son! Chatty was the clear choice and we woulda already been on lock down from jumpstreet if I was runnin thangs, ya dig? But nah maine, we had to pick the coldest part of North America and let everybody get a say. Well guess what? Democracy ain’t the best way to run the show sometimes. Sometimes what you need is a benevolent dictator, and PCTI don’t got one! Now go and let your dome contemplate on that."

Of course, the more insidious part of this Greek tragedy is that there are no answers forthcoming. Some insiders tried to stage a coup in order to save PCTI, but quit the same day once they realized there was actual work to be done. At one point, the tourney seemed to gain traction with a date in June being suggested accompanied by a fallback plan of July 4^th. But the date in June never got off the ground since the majority of PCTI players didn’t vote. And July 4^th didn’t work either since PCTI’s brain trust forgot that day is our country’s birthday in which Americans spend time drinking, eating, and celebrating with family and friends.

Sadly, this tale remains an unanswered riddle. Will the tourney affectionately known as iiiii ultimately happen? Will Ben Wilson break his famed losing streak? Will this recent draft be consummated in actual game performance? These are questions that perhaps we will never know the answer to as PCTI’s long winter continues its deep and relentless malaise.

The last word in the morose saga comes from Bryan McKinney, who confirmed his confusion with no calendared tournament by screaming "…………………………………………………………???????????………………………………………………………………………………………………………………!!!!!!!..............................................................????..........................................!!..................................................................!!!!.......!!!"

This guy is Josh Pitto's dad.

V Extrapolation

I thought it might be fun to take a look at last year’s statistics and extrapolate them into PCTI V, assuming that we will ever have one. So I took the IV numbers for Esk, Pitto, McK, BC, Wilson, DK, Hops, and Smo and aggregated them into one set of totals. Then, the IV stats for JT, Sabin, Spot, Abe, Beas, Bruise, Donley, and Wes were aggregated into the other set. These are the findings:

FG%

Wilson’s team shot 137/370 last season for 37.0%, while Abe’s team shot 136/382 for 35.6%. Slight shooting advantage to Wilson’s team mainly due to the Pitto factor. But you have to think that Wes will give us a better performance than last season’s 0-10 hot mess.

3 Balls

Wilson’s team shot 44/152 for 28.9% last season, while Abe’s team shot 42/164 for 25.6%. Again, slight 3 ball shooting advantage to Wilson’s team even though neither team should boast about this category. More like which team is the least worst in this statistic.

Free Throws

Abe’s team shot 66/105 for 62.9% last season, while Wilson’s team shot 45/91 for 49.5%. Abe’s team got more attempts and shot a better percentage. This may be misleading since both Pitto and Esk shot uncharacteristically low percentages last season and you can't count on that happening again. However, for self-proclaimed "fundamental basketball players", we sure do struggle with fundamental things like free throws.

Rebounds

Abe’s team grabbed 250 rebounds, 68 offensive, while Ben’s team grabbed 236 boards, 69 offensive. Abe’s group may have a slight advantage here with Abe, Donley, and Bruise as good rebounding bigs and solid rebounding guards JT and Beas. BC and Esk will need to go big in this category to mitigate the advantage. BC doesn’t always embrace his bigness or leftiness, so time will tell if he can lead his team and be BIG.

Points

Abe’s team scored 380 total points to Wilson’s team’s 363 total points. Slight advantage to Abe’s team. This only represents less than 3ppg difference, but given how difficult it has become to score in PCTI, this difference may be larger than what it seems. On second thought, 3ppg seems like a mountain to climb in terms of scoring. Large advantage to Abe’s team.

AT

Wilson’s team had 86 assists and 53 turnovers for an AT ratio of 1.6, while Abe’s team had 80 assists and 71 turnovers for an AT of 1.1. No surprise that DK and Esk are on the team that wins PCTI’s cutest and least relevant metric. Wilson’s team takes care of it a little bit better than Abe’s team, but this advantage may not mean much since PCTI’s career shooting percentage is 36%. Inability to convert turnovers into points hurts both teams here.

Blocks and Steals

Wilson’s team had 29 steals and 13 blocks for 42 total hustle points, while Abe’s team had 36 steals and 7 blocks for 43 total hustle points. Slight edge to Abe’s team with stealers JT, Beas, Donley, and even the old man. BC is the main block threat along with Pitto’s steals. Can Smo protect the rim for his team this season? Playboy has length.....

eFG%

Wilson’s team shot 43.0% when accounting for 3 balls, while Abe’s team shot 41.1%. Edge to Wilson’s team, but perhaps not as wide a margin to be significant. Like BC says, this thing comes down to who makes a couple a 3 balls at the right time.

Points per Shot

Abe’s team scored 0.99 points for every shot, while Wilson’s team scored 0.98. Dead heat. PCTI mainly comes down to which team gets the most shots, given that very few teams in its history have shot the ball well. Hi Kittens!

Conclusion

Statistics tell us that this could be a very evenly matched tournament. Wilson’s team will need above-average offensive performances from players who typically are not primary weapons, while Abe’s team may need some primary players to fill certain roles and sacrifice their scoring. Of course, this could all be irrelevant if we can’t get this weekend on the calendar at some point. Chaos and controversy reign at the moment….

Sabin

Dan the one man no one can stand

An unprecedented and seemingly inexplicable delay in the announcement of the date for PCTI IIIII has many within the league wondering if a leadership change is needed for one of the country's most widely heralded pick up basketball weekends.

PCTI boss Danny Krow has delayed an announcement for months, prompting speculation on his capability to lead. Krow is the puppet master of the “bored of directors” but lately has been too preoccupied with non-basketball affairs to pull the strings. Keeping with a long held personal tradition, Krow has once more evolved in to the type of person he has previously ridiculed. After years of lambasting anyone who used work as an excuse for...anything, Krow has disappeared in to the bowels of big business produce distribution. Some wonder if “Dan the one man corporate yes man,” thinks of PCTI as anything other than a networking tool he can use to mine for potential corporate talent.

Krow's excuses for the delay in a date are so inadequate that many wonder how he can even deliver them with a straight face. The one time respected leader has offered up three excuses for the delay, each seemingly more absurd than the other. For starters, Krow has tried to unfairly redirect the ire of impatient PCTI participants on to Scott Donley. Donley and his wife are expected the couple's first child in early 2014. Puzzlingly, Krow speaks of the exact time frame of the forthcoming arrival of Baby Donley as an unsolved mystery. It doesn't take recent first time parents (though Krow is one of those, too) to know that a baby's due date is usually “revealed” in the seconds after the baby's existence is confirmed. Still, Krow gives the impression that he and Donley are speaking regularly, waiting for news to break on his availability for PCTI. A decision that could have been made – and on Donley's end, probably was made - months ago.

Then there's the issue with Dan's number one pawn and cohort on the “bored” the scholar and man of letters himself, Anthony Hopkins. As if figuring out when a baby is going to be born isn't going to be difficult enough, Krow has the added task of trying to crack the code of when Hopkins will graduate. Certainly Hopkins knew the approximate time of his graduation before he ever logged in to his first graduate level webinar, yet somehow his impending graduation has PCTI in a holding pattern.

But both of these excuses make like Joe Thompson and pale in comparison to Krow's third date conflict he's juggling, the infamous Bryan McKinney fishing trip. Going in to his fifth year in PCTI, only two things have elicited any sort of emotion from McKinney: colorful language in the Rancho and Cilantro High School gymnasium and fucking with the dates of his fishing trip.

This is how I picture it.

A nervous Krow walks through a plate glass door and in to a nondescript, sparsely decorated State Farm office in Arizona. He faces a large wooden desk, meticulously clean. Behind the desk is a large leather chair, it is turned so Krow is facing its back. The blinds are closed and only creases of sunlight peak in the otherwise dark room.

Slowly, the chair turns around. A straight faced McKinney, dressed in chinos and a button up shirt, resembling a white Cliff Paul, lifts his chin up and peers through Krow with an unblinking stare.

After several seconds of silence that feel like hours, McKinney breaks the stare and looks at the wall, where a mounted Blue Gill hangs.

McKinney: That's a nice fish isn't it, Danny?

Danny: Ahh, man you know I don't...

McKinney, cutting him off: I'm not going to tell you the story of how I caught that fish, Daniel. You know fish stories...people tend to exaggerate....say things they really didn't do....sometimes things they...can't do. I'm not that kind of guy, Daniel.

(McKinney spins the computer monitor on his desk so it is facing Danny and silently motions Danny to look at the screen)

McKinney: Get in close, real close.

(McKinney with his left hand cups the back of Danny's head, moving it inches from the screen. Using his right he opens his Outlook Calendar to a week in the summer.)

McKinney, talking to Krow as if he is a child: See this week, Danny? This is the week for my fishing trip. Don't. Fuck. With. My. Fishing. Trip.

(McKinney lets go of Dan's head gently and slowly spins his chair back around)

McKinney: Now get the fuck out of here.

This is the only way I can conceive of this conversation happening. How else could the single quietest and easy going guy in PCTI have such influence over the date of PCTI? Certainly both he and Krow know everyone else takes other vacations during the course of the spring and summer months. But yet here is Krow, seemingly paralyzed by fear, incapable of considering a date until he knows with absolute certainly that it won't conflict with....pause again for emphasis....a got damned fishing trip.

So as the league waits, where does PCTI IIIII stand? Obviously the off season schedule has taken a major hit. How can we know when is the appropriate time to train, talk trash, buy plane tickets, etc. until we know when the off season ends?

One could argue that this PCTI more than any before it needs a date set. Do not forget that it was Krow himself that went against everything he had stood for previously (and perhaps his better judgment, though he's unlikely to admit it) to send this year's event to Denver. A daring and potentially reckless move considering weather could be drastically different in the spring versus the summer. Also, while he wowed the league with his presentation, this PCTI is in the hands of Abe. Read that last part of the sentence again before continuing. That's the guy who in years past didn't know who was on his team or bothered to book a flight until days before tip off. Now we're trusting him to plan an event that as of Thanksgiving, still doesn't even have so much as a preliminary date set.

Maybe PCTI is overdue on making two important decisions. Picking a weekend for IIIII and picking a successor to their distracted, incapable leader.

Draft Commentary and Analysis

Thought I might throw out some draft commentary and analysis since I haven't had a chance to discuss with anyone outside of the Commissioner.

1st pick: Eskildsen. There are probably a few PCTI participants who think that Esk had a down tournament in IV, but that is only judged against the backdrop of his noteworthy performances from I and III. Player still shot a respectable 37% from the field and could have been much higher had he not uncharacteristically missed some makeable layups in Scottsdale. Also recorded 5.6 RPG, good for second on his team. Led his team in assists and also graded out second in the Productivity metric. Although he is probably not terribly pleased with his 4-17 free throw performance, this player will most likely find his way back to the all-tournament team in short order.

Grade: A-

2nd-3rd picks: Beas and Joe. Abe wisely locked up a scoring, defending backcourt that is sure to cause a significant degree of problems for Ben's team. Although Beas didn't shoot it as well as he wanted to in Arizona, he still averaged 6.4PPG, 5RPG, led his team in steals, and was second in assists. He also made tons of plays during the tournament and especially in Game 7 that helped his team to bring home the title. Joe was also very productive in IV with 7.4PPG and 4.7RPG while placing second on his team in steals. He also shot a respectable 38% from the field and showed great leadership to his team in a losing effort. Always gave a crap. These two give you shooting, creating, defending, and heart.

Grade: A+

4th-5th picks: BC and Pitto. By most accounts, BC was a solid performer on his team with a couple of spectacular moments. Player shot an outstanding 43.5% from the field while leading the tournament with 7.6RPG and 21 offensive rebounds. Player also led his team in blocks with 7 and was second on his team with 14 assists. Also won his team's productivity metric with 63. Pitto seems to be something of an enigma in PCTI. His own team doesn't vote him to the AT team after a performance in which he averaged 12.4PPG on a robust 47.5% from the field. Also led the tournament with 15 three balls on 43%. Second to only Abe on his team's efficiency scale and led the tournament in both true shooting percentage at 60.4% and 1.43 points per shot. Shot an uncharacteristic 56% from the free throw line. Meanwhile, opponents almost unanimously voted him to the AT team including the author. Player seems to earn respect from opponents while frustrating teammates. Player that more than any other on the court must be accounted for by the defense.

Grade: B+

6th-7th picks: Sabin and Donley. Sabin was efficient in IV, but perhaps not as good as his team needed him to be on day 3. Averaged 8.6PPG and 4.4RPG on 45% from the field and 38% from 3. Led team in free throw percentage, steals, assists, and points per shot with 1.18. Player laid an egg in game 7 though as legs quit on him and he couldn't breathe. Donley slapped up a respectable 7.3PPG and 4.3RPG while taking the primary responsibility for guarding PCTI's most versatile offensive player, Abe. Player gave such a great defensive effort (including 7 steals) that it hurt his offensive efficiency to the tune of 32% from the field and 22% from 3. But player never lost confidence in his swashbucklingness and gave a worth performance in Arizona.

Grade: B

8th-9th picks: Krow and Hops. Krow got loose in Scottsdale with 4.4PPG and 3.6RPG. Player looked to be aggressive with his efficient mid-range shooting game and had primary responsibility for guarding PCTI's oldest player. Shot a respectable 37% from the field and even got to the foul line 5 times. Led the tournament in A/T ratio and shot an above-average 33% from deep. Coming off a significant injury, Hops struggled from the field at 19%, but was third on his team in offensive rebounds and shot a respectable 64% from the foul line. Also had a couple of blocks and 3 steals.

Grade: C+

10th-11th picks: Spot and Bruise. By almost all accounts, Spotlight played really well in Scottsdale. Player shot an above-average 37% from the field and 35% from deep. Was also third on the team in offensive rebounds with 9. Spot also did a respectable job defending Pitto, who is one of the toughest covers in PCTI. Bruise was very good as he averaged 6PPG on 39% from the field and 60% from the line. Second in the tournament in total rebounds at 7.3RPG. Third on his team in the productivity metric and scored an above-average 1.02 points per shot.

Grade: B+

12th-13th picks: McKinney and Smo. BMac had perhaps his best showing in his hometown as he produced 7.7PPG and 6 steals on 37% from the field and 10 three balls. Player also had 3 blocks but a strangely absent rebounding game with just 1.3RPG. Smo was highly efficient as he shot 47.6% from the field with 3.6RPG. Player also had 9 assists from the block and an A/T ratio of 3. Threw in a couple of steals but no rim-protecting blocks.

Grade: A-

14th pick: Wes. Player had a difficult time shooting the ball at just 11%, but performed well from the free throw line at 67%. Wes was also very encouraging and positive with his teammates. Led the league in sweating gravy.

Grade: C

PCTIIIIII DRAFT!

PCTI IIIII Draft and State of the Offseason... Addressed.

Date: Tuesday, October 29th.

Time: 8 pm CST, 9 pm EST, 6 pm BCT.

Location: Google Hangout on the PCTI Network.

Some would say PCTI had the most steam moving into the offseason that it's ever had since it's rookie year. Combining the most competitive tournament with arguably the best trip to date, everyone was looking forward to what the down time had to offer. 

Then some things happened... Anthony Hopkins started his MBA classes.  Fruit Man Danie started a job in which he actually had to work.  The Actor started acting.  Beasley entered the business world.  Four big blows when you factor in what each usually brings.

It gets worse.  We find out The Don (in one of the most selfish moves I've ever seen) picks a night to pleasure his wife for the millionth time.  In a careless act, he impregnates her, with a due date of April 2014. Where is the regard for PCTI?  Despicable.

Here is the good news... None of that matters.  All it took to get back on track was one brilliant post made by PCTI's favorite Actor, followed by a creative workout montage in which The Don managed to not only find an empty gym, but found an insane person to follow him around videotaping his every move... He even got the producer to do some voiceover work.  Incredible.

That brings us to two days out of what will be the most colorful collection of captains PCTI has ever had. With Wilson, you get a guy that everyone loves being around.  He will be fun on email chains.. And he has a masters in Sports Management, which means he has learned a lot about how to draft a team, manage a salary cap, etc.  All very important.  All that being said, you have to question his leadership and ability in the locker room.  A notorious nice guy with a bad attitude on court, you can't help but to wonder if that will rub off on his teammates in his new leadership role.  

Enter Abe, PCTI's most decorated player and coach.  He put together the best team in PCTI history.  He has multiple MVP awards to his name.  He plays hard.  He keeps his mouth shut.  He competes.  He's smart.  He wins.  

I imagine Wilson is a little intimidated going into his first draft as captain.  He is 0-4 and going up against the only 4-0 PCTI athlete.  A guy that enjoys the stage, I expect him to get preoccupied being funny in the Hangout, while Abe runs circles around him sticking to his board.  

Expect Abe to wipe the floor with Wilson on draft day... And do the same come April.

PCTI Faction Rankings (Fall, 2013)

It continues to be a slow off-season on the blog, but a disturbing trend captivated us subconsciously: Factions.  It all started with one despicable faction and now PCTI has turned into the WCW of 1997.  Here are the first rankings of Factions within PCTI.

1).  Quad Pod

Members: Jarsh Stevens, Tony Hopekin (1/2), Mich Beesly, Spotlite Hipspin (from right to left)

Defections: None

FA Wishlist: Bend Wilfsum

Location(s): Portland, OR; Nashville, TN; Denver, CO; Boston, MA

STRENGTHS

--The first faction to ever exist in PCTI.  

--Spearheaded a movement of hate that has not been seen since Berlin, Germany in 1938.

--Blog Strong: any opportunity to throw a "QP" behind a member's name, it is done.  

--Staples of going out late at PCTI and frollicking with co-eds.

--Best looking group in PCTI now that Jarsh Stevens no longer has braces.

WEAKNESSES

--Despite being Blog Strong, these guys never hang out or text each other outside of PCTI.  Several inside sources have indicated as much.

--They have never been truly a "Quad Pod" on the court which has lead to some dissension in recent years.

--Do they have a leader?  4 UT grads need someone to tell them what to do.

2). Danie's Flock

Members: Danie Crow, Britt Carnee, Mitch Ore, Jes Sabbine

Defections: None

FA Wishlist: John Tompkins, Brine Eshelledsin, Scout Dumbly

Location(s): Plano, TX; Austin, TX

STRENGTHS

--Quickest ascension in the rankings.  These four have molded together to give Quad Pod a run for their money as the top faction in PCTI.

--Quality hoops twice a week combined with a quality breakfast on saturday mornings keeps the rapport at an all-time high.

--Responsible for 80% of PCTI media production (blog posts and podcasts).

WEAKNESSES

--Volatile personalities.  If you wrong these guys in any way, they'll let you know about it.  They aren't afraid of picking on their respective members.

--Power struggle of who truly leads the crew.  Sabbine has the gym and pick up games.  Does Carnee or Crow run the podcast? Who is the wittiest in the group: Carnee or Ore?  

--Lack of direction with or without a compass could have this Faction on a collision course with the bottom of the rankings.

3). NashTrash

Members: Tony Hopekin (2/2), Joust Pits (1/2), Ivan Horner

Defections: Mitch Ore

FA Wishlist: Brine Eshelledsin, Britt Carnee, Bend Wilfsum

Location: Nashville, TN

STRENGTHS

--Unapologetic love for all things related to Nashville.

--Make no mistake about it, Nashville will always be a force come PCTI Location voting time due to the voice of Ivan.

--Quality hoops can happen at anytime.

WEAKNESSES:

--Unapologetic love for all things related to Nashville. 

--No unity at all.  Who is running the show?

--Ivan and Joust's rift between eachother grows wider by the minute.

--Recruiting budget has diminished in recent years.

--Two many married people.

4). BestCoasters

Members: Bryn Mickany, John Tompkins

Defections: Danie Crow, Brine Eshelledsin

FA Wishlist: Mich Beesly, Tony Hopekin, Bend Wilfsum, Jarsh Stevens

Location(s): Scottsdale, AZ; Los Angeles, CA; Wherever a beach is

STRENGTHS

--Best friends

--Cool, laid back demeanor at all times, which leads them to being consistently tan 330 days out of the year.

--Will never get fat due to pressure from variety of sources: media, peers, and the sun.

WEAKNESSES

--Would always rather be elsewhere: another party, another bar, another babe, another city.

--Lack of basketball playing leads to diminishing returns come gametime.

--Marijuana smoking.

--How many web videos before Tompkins gets signed by a big agency?

--Bryn's lack of blog awareness.

--Will it only be these two forever?  Lack of recruiting and recent defections has hurt long-term prospects of the group.

5). Love, Actually

Members: Joust Pits (2/2), Brine Eshelledsin

Defections: None

FA Wishlist: None

Location(s): Nashville, TN; Houston, TX

STRENGTHS

--Their love has no boundaries as Pits went across the country in his Mustang to be with Eshelledsin.

--Eshelledsin didn't throw out Pits for driving a Mustang.

--Play well together and love has found a way.

WEAKNESSES

--Distance.  Pits can't live for too long away from Nashville. 

--Pits tendency to shut out anything anyone says regardless if it comes from Eshelledsin.

--Calf disproportions.  Eshelledsin has gigantic calfs that dwarf the rest of his body.  Pits has tiny calfs which are dwarfed by the rest of his fragile body.

--Pits drives a MUSTANG.

--One has a home and the other has taken over Tompkins role as the new vagabond of PCTI.

6). Identity Crisis

Members: Bend Wilfsum, Scout Dumbly

Defections: None

FA Wishlist: None

Location(s): Neenah, WI; Atlanta, GA

STRENGTHS

--Both get along famously with everyone in PCTI.

--Upper echelon players who manage to stay in basketball condition despite not always having their PCTI brethren near them.

--Both are good offensive players in PCTI.

WEAKNESSES

--Lack of faction or bad luck have lead them to be look inwards for sense of camaraderie within PCTI.

--Bend had a strong faction with Mitch Ore and Tony Hopekin with the 3 Cities Twist.  However, it fell apart with the recent defection of Ore to Danie's Flock.

--Scout has too much love for wife and soon-to-be-born child to get involved with a faction long-term.

--Scout also enjoys Wisconsin.

--Is Bend's love of indie music helping or hurting his stock to join a faction?

7). Wes Murray

Members: Wus Mourny

FA Wishlist: Everyone

Location: Parts Unknown, WV

STRENGTHS

--Not caring what anyone thinks of him.

--Relying on himself.

--Stomach has become a muscle.

--Well-liked by everyone.

WEAKNESSES

--Buffets.

--Emails.

--West Virginia.

--Direct Flights.

--Tennessee Vols.

--Groomed Beard.

Check back in January, 2014 for the Winter Rankings.

Beas's Jonathan MOXon Draft 1.0

SIKEEEEEEEE!!!

Let the boredom continue.....

..

This offseason

Announcement! + Mock Analysis! + Draft Secrets Revealed!

Yo Ben, I'm taking 2-3, or as I call it, the first curvy part of the snake.

After witnessing 45 great minutes of debate and speculation, I thought it might be interesting to critique the action and give everyone an in depth analysis from someone who has a stake in the outcome. Overall, I was very entertained.

I also have some other thoughts.

Favorite part...

BC's shot at Ben for his amazing memory and ability to remember how bad he has played the last two years. Very good off-the-cuff burn right there. A real thigh slapper for Danny as you can see.

Mock Draft Grades:
(Also a break down of the most common tendencies of each player)

Ben as represented by BC - F-

• Ben - Driver, Stand and Shoot
• Brian - Distributor, Capitalist
• Joe - Scorer, Defender
• Donley - Stand and Shoot
• Smo - Stand and Pass
• Danny - Stand and Shoot
• Bmac - Stand and Shoot
• Hops - Sometimes everything, sometimes nothing

Abe as represented by DANNY - A+

• Abe - Scorer, Defender, Rebounder, Philanthropist, Genius, All around great person
• Beas -Scorer, Defender
• BC - Stand and Shoot
• Pitto - Scorer
• Sabin - Scorer, Defender
• Bruise - Rebounder
• Spot - Stand and Shoot, Backcutter
• Wes - Stand and Miss

Look at those teams! Not even fair. I'd have way too much offensive power. Defense always goes to shit in these tourneys because everyone gets crazy tired no matter how good of shape they are in so defense really is not even worth mentioning. Scoring takes far less physical effort and ultimately plays a much larger role as the weekend progresses.

The Player Analysis Debatables:
The way I break it down, right now there are 5 people in this thing that can get theirs. Joe, Pitto, Sabin, Abe, Beas. The people that are most up for debate are explained below.

• Beas has a small sample size but I'm sure his effort guarding Joe last year took a lot out of him on the offensive end. Thats why I still think he has the talent and determination to be an electric offensive player.
• I've taken Ben off the scorer list because, well, he hasn't scored in a while.
• Brian can score and is effective when doing so but I don't really consider him a scorer. More of a "capitalize on opportunity" rather than "breakdown your strength" kinda guy.
• Donley can play off other people pretty well and can put up numbers but he relies on his teammates to do it. 

So I would have 4 of those 5 scorers? No chance for team Grizzly Bear.

At this point in time, we all know each other well enough to know what we can expect. Of course, every year there will be a couple disappointments alongside a couple redemptions, but for the most part it will remain pretty consistent. And even those outliers aren't really that extreme. Its not like we have an Adrain Peterson that tears up his knee one year and the next year puts together a record breaking performance. Its more like, "Oh, this guy didn't suck quite as bad as last year" or, "Hey, why is Brian missing layups?"

My Drafting Strategy:
I want at least a little competition this year so I'll drop some knowledge on Ben and give him a little insight. In PCTI when drafting a team, a common mistake that is made is emphasizing both matchups and size. Out here size doesn't really matter. We all end up on the perimeter anyway and we are all pretty slow out there. That transitions me into the other point well... Matchups. Anyone can pretty much guard anyone. It's because we all get tired and lazy and then the least bit of defensive pressure can shut us down. This is an unfortunate realization of our old age and diminishing ability. Danny was right on the money when he said that I go by "best available", but I will add to that... I go by "best available scorers". So far that strategy has worked pretty well and now my secret is out.

It's your pick Ben... whatcha gonna do?

PCTIIIIII Vidstick #2 w/BREAKING NEWS and a Mock Stick

The most earth shattering news out of the PCTI camp since inception announced in the first three minutes.

PCTIIIIII Vidstick #1

PCTIIIIII Kick-Off Party with a couple important announcements.

Breaking

The Nature Boy is making a move from the mountains of California, to the greenest city in the USA, Portland, OR.  What is even more fitting is that I will be selling one of nature's most lucrative fruits, tomatoes.  Lipman is the largest field tomato grower in North America.   Although I will be based out of Portland; I will be spending a significant amount of time in Seattle, WA and Vancouver, BC as well.  All fabulous spots for enjoying NAITCH.

What this means for PCTI:

1. I have heard that there are a plethora of gymnasiums filled with semi-athletic white boys.  This should bode well for PCTI IIIIIIII prep. 
2. Southwest flies direct to Denver.  The flight looks to be a little over 2 hrs and fairly cheap.  Thank GOD that PCTI didn't end up in dusty ass Chatty, or the murder capital Cincy.
3. Hops can come and truly enjoy his hipster swag in the hipster mecca.
4. DTOMFS and Naitch's rivalry will heat up not only in the realm of PCTI, but also professionally.
5. Every time Wes-Fil-A munches down on bag full of double-stacks at Wendy's he can think of Naitch.  Lipman is a major supplier of Wendy's tomatoes.
6. I will remain on Best Coast Time.  This will make it more convenient for the star of Talents Web Series, McKinney, and myself to enjoy our first phone call whenever that may be.
7. Only downside is that I am still far, far away from the SpotLight.

Capt. WILSON

I'm not sure what took Ben so long to get this up on the blog so I guess I'll have to do it for him.

If you’re not first, your last

So after all the harassment I was getting I put this together in my 30min 'meeting' that I schedule for myself, by myself, and for myself this afternoon to get this shit done. 

I’ve broken things down below between Things To Do and Hoops, but I’d like to start off by addressing my competition (comedy and flashy things will only get you so far):

1.       Denver (the hot favorite) – I don’t get why Denvare is the favorite here, the average temperature in April is somewhere in the mid-40s.  Might as well have this damn thing in Wisconsin and cut the cost by 2/3 and let Abe bang allthe fat chicks he can get his hands on.  The big mouths in this thing are getting more and more west coast and we all need a reality check. 

2.      Chattanooga (never count out the persuasion of a dude called Smo)– being that my in-laws live here should be enough for anyone that’s ever had a girlfriend to spare me the misery of having the conversation of why I can’t see them when I’m in town for what will be my 2^nd visit of the calendar year (up from my usual 1 – best son-in-law in the biz).  Secondly, it’s Chattanooga – regardless of what type of polish and jiz Smo throws at this thing.

Now, on to the important stuff:

THINGS TO DO

What’s cool about Cincy?

·         Obvi – Mitchel Goosen and his film Airborne was filmed there – should I just stop now?

§  He jumped over a car… no big deal

·         There is something to do for everyone

o   Live Music erry night – BenJAMin, wannabe JT, Hops

o   Food!!  Montgomery Inn has the best ribs in the biznass and the greatest collection of sports memorabilia you will ever see – Wes, EVERYONE (and I’m not even mentioning my own parents restaurant.

o   1 or 3 US Hofbrauhaus in the US – home of the 48oz beer  - Bruise, everyone

§  http://www.hofbrauhausnewport.com/the-beer/

·         Be sure to scroll down and peep the waitress and their outfits

o   Kings Island – most badass roller coasters on the planet – EVERYONE

§  Think of what you did when you were a kid on a basketball trip, water or theme park central – now imagine it with booze and while all the HS dbags are in school

·         FIREHAWK Bitches!!

o   Nightlife – EVERYONE –think about how many Bengal arrests have happened around town just because they can’t stop having fun

§  Chill spots, club spots, you want it…I know where it is

o   Cougars – Beas, Smo, DEUCE!

o   Aquarium – Pitto, Abe (the penguin room is freezing so it will be just like Denver)

o   Zoo – Pitto, Esk (great family getaway for you two, 2^nd ranked zoo outside of Saint Diago)

o   Historical significance – Spotlight, the man loves his knowledge

§  http://www.cincymuseum.org/historymuseum

o   Bob Huggins once coached there – Esk

o   Some old people live there – Sabin

o   Some people don’t talk there – Bmac

o   Terrible sportscasters blow dix there – BC (another new job out of a PCTI trip?)

HOOPS

Now that you all are sold as a bitch on the city – let me tell you what the hoops will be all about.

·         Gym – options, options, options

o   Dude I played with in HS is the Facility and Operations manager at my old HS

o   My dad’s buddy is the Gym teacher at a different HS

o   My mom’s homegirl is the principal of Highlands HS in N Ky (closest proximity)

§  We will be able to decide on where and when and it will be cheaper than years past

·         Hotel – have in with local Marriot, should be cheap and right down town

·         Referees – know HS refs in the area that should be able to sign up at cost (even a 3^rd one Pitto!)

·         Stats people – guaranteed to be improved versus PCTI IV

·         New!!! – I maintain full and sole ownership over the following ideas

o   Exhibition! – I’ve already talked to a handful of guys that love what is PCTI and I thought it would be a cool way to get a decent run in on Wed  (easy to get 10-12) - all PCTI members in town on same squad  versus the exhibition squad -- 3 15 minute “quarters” (subject to change) so everyone gets some good floor time in

§  Hoping Deuce could film and have BC interview both teams to get some outside views on our games and this whole thing

§  Gets the PCTI group together for once before we hate each other for three days

o   3pt contest – happens right after the exhibition and can go one of two ways – 1. You enter yourself and compete  2. You nominate someone from the Washington Generals exhibition squad to shoot for you

§  $10-$20 per guy, and we can agree on odds (blog post!) and have side action as necessary

·         All rules subject to change to better the event

o   Mind is always moving and I guarantee another couple new ideas prior to event tipoff

It’s not complicated fellas, it will be on the cheap side for those of you still paying off last year’s PCTI and just as fun…I guarantee it.  Just fuckin vote Cincy now and save the other two the embarrassment.

~ Your Friendly Neighborhood Cockboy

 

Which one are you?

Sound off in the comments...

PCTI IV All Tournament and MVP

It is that time of year again, to announce PCTI All-Tournament Team and MVP. Just to recap, in the past we have had an MVP, defensive MVP, and 3 AT Team members. This year we got rid of the defensive MVP. In the most evenly matched and competitive PCTI ever (IMHO), we had many people get votes. We had 11 people get at least one AT vote and 4 people get at least one MVP. I’m not positive but I believe both are records (especially with there being one less spot to vote for).  In fact there was a 3 way tie for the last AT team spot, which caused more delays. So congrats to these 4 ballerz which are the top 25% of the most average group of basketball players.

First to the people that received votes: Cockstick (1), Eskittles (1), Run BMC (2), Bruise (4), Benji (4). The 3 way tie was for Sabin (1 MVP, 4 AT), Dr. J (5 AT) and our first member of the PCTI IV AT Team:

Brent Carney  (5 AT) – he beat out Sabes and JT after the three people that did not vote for one of these 3 cast a vote and he received all 3 votes. This is BC’s second award in the 4 year history of PCTI, the first was Defensive MVP year 1, which awarded him the captain position for year two. BC averaged 6.7 PPG and 7.6 RPG in IV. He had the 2^nd highest Efficiency rating (83) and the highest rating (63) in the most important measurable, Sabin’s Productivity. Led the league in blocks with 7. BC had one of the most memorable highlights of the year when he hummed a basketball at our 13 year old referee, earning him a T from said teenie bop.

Josh Pitto (2 MVP, 6 AT) – Another AT team member adds his second piece of hardware to his trophy case. This shifty headcase of a point guard is one of the toughest matchups in PCTI. His quickness and ball handling coupled with his ability to finish and deep range makes it hard for him to be kept in check all weekend. Putting up some very good numbers for the weekend averaging 12.4 points a game, including a 21 point game 1. Pitto shot the ball at a high clip making 47.5% of his FGA and making 42.9% of his 3 point shots, both of which led all PCTI members.

Michael Beasley, QP (4 MVP, 9 AT) – The Nature Boy burst on to the scene of PCTI last year in Game 4, but did not get any accolades due to the lack of overall competition in PCTI III. This year he showed a fiery competitive side by going all out on both ends. The numbers from his weekend do not pop out at you, but his leadership, defensive and offensive play, and crashing the offensive glass made his overall play stand out. Beasley did a great job keeping Joe Thompson in check all weekend and also sealed game 7 by hitting some clutch free throws.

MVP:

ABE, QP (9 MVP, 7 AT) – The only person to have some sort of vote from all 16 people, adds another MVP, his second overall, along with his 2 previous AT Team selections. That makes him the only person to take home an award all 4 years of PCTI (no one else has hit 3 yet). Joshua led PCTI in scoring at 12.6 PPG and his team in rebounding at 6.6 boards a game. His Sabin Productivity (43) suffered probably due to having to carry much of the offensive load for his team. JJ was also called to defend a multitude of the opposing teams better offensive players and help control the glass. Having 7 games in 3 days (and a round of golf) and going out each night makes this MVP that much more impressive. This also sealed Abraham as the only player not to lose a PCTI series in 4 years. Congrats!

Next Father Odds

To celebrate Danie’s little person being brought into this world, Sabin axed for the odds for the next member of PCTI to become a father. Without further ado, here are the odds with the reason for all PCTI members:

Name Odds Reason Cockstick EVEN Vegas has this guy as the favorite to next knock up his old lady. Everything is there for the taking: Good job, married a couple years, friends having babies, and CD finishing up school. Plus they are both babez. #more'grampics Sabin 3-1 Mormons love having kids. All 3 families I know that are mormon have 5 kids or more. Jeff is sitting at 2. He needs to get moving. I have confidence this old mans little guys can still swim strong. #blondehairblueeyes Bruiser 4-1 Odds for Bruise have been plummeting. Once a party man that could drink 40 beers in one night, now has escaped the big city life and moved to Spring Hill. I also think of him raising his strong hand towards Pitto like he was going to spank him in a game. #fatherfigure Doctor Actor 6-1 Parties it up, does drugs, and knows aspiring actresses girls with low self-esteem. I see him getting strung out on Molly and slipping one past the goalie. Being a devout catholic will make sure the baby momma doesn’t get an A word #noabortion Abe 6-1 This guy likes to party and engage in delightful sexual experiences. Chances of him being drunk and getting some chick prego makes him a good candidate. #QP #playa Big BC 8-1 My money is on BC for a middle of the road odds. Has a fiance, so he's probably getting laid on the reg. He has his BFF who just had and kid and does not want to be too far behind. I give it a year. #honeymoonbaby Fruity Juice 9-1 Only reason he doesn't have better odds is he has to wait til he and KK can knock boots again. Seeing as how women tend to want children close together, I see them getting right back to it. #daddyof5 Nature 10-1 Model-esque looks, having game, and being a member of the QP helps his odds. He also is the Nature Boy which we know the outdoors is a powerful aphrodisiac. Random sloots coming through Tahoe helps as well #QP #bestlooking Spotlight 10-1 Good looking dude with probably the best hair in PCTI. If Angilee would move to Boston his odds would be much better. Probably one of the most father ready guys in this thing. #QP #hipsterswag Grizzly 12-1 Ben has really come into his own recently and been puttin it to some strange. Tinder and travel for work has helped the odds as well. Smart enough kid to pull out #tinderpimp Deuce 15-1 Deuce had a kid… convinced his brother it was his. I hope not to be around if he has another. #THEMAN Run BMC 20-1 Steady girlfriend, steady job. Also lives in paradise. This should be a favorite to have a baby soon, but people that should have babies, usually don't. #luckyguy HOPS 25-1 Married to a fine piece of ass. Still very immature. Both he and his wife start school in August which will shelve the baby wanting for a couple years #QP #hateskids Bad Boy 50-1 New job, new city. Plus he will be trying to impress the other coaches and will be working non stop. Good odds if you think he could meet some strange on the road in the Conference USA. #hardworker Smo 75-1 This dude is super ugly. He has man braces (sorry Abe). 3 things that drag him out of worse odds: 1) he loves fat chicks. 2) He is funny. Funny gets you laid 3) If he somehow bags a hot chick, he will try and impregnate her. #uglyduckling Pitt 200-1 Rumors of a girlfriend will not allow Vegas to lower these odds. The most annoying immature person in PCTI makes the ladies run away screaming. Remember Manti Te'o supposedly hung out with his "girlfriend" too. #catfish Fat Wes Not Available Things working against this dude: His weight, living and working in a shit hole, liking baseball, Young Life. #gross