PCTIV Off-Season Rivalry Watch

Disorganization and dissension are two of the buzz words within the PCTI organization as year 5 gets closer and closer.  Between the power struggle of the Bored, the lack of leadership displayed from the "commish," and scheduling conflicts across the board, many have said this off season is proving to be PCTI's toughest since existence.

The one bright spot of this is that disorganization and dissension leads to angry members, and angry members leads to rivalries.  As such, allow me to call out a few of the top as we move closer to PCTIV, which still at this point has no legitimate tip off time.

1. Dani vs. PCTI: 

I'm not sure any one person has been targeted more in an off season than Danie has over his lack of leadership and vision laid out for PCTIV.  Outside of the usual shots from his bratty friend The Brat, Danie has taken hits from Beas, Bruise, Spot, Hops, McKinney, Sabin, Ben, and Donley the last few weeks, none of which has seemed to cut him deep enough to change his habits.  At some point, one has to wonder if the ongoing power struggle with the BORED is wearing on him, or if he secretly enjoys watching his once beloved PCTI fall apart due to his lack of availability, with the ultimate idea that he can come in and save the day.   

2. The Brat vs. Nature:

The Brat has showed over the years that no one is off limits if he feels someone receives credit they don't deserve.  Enter PCTI's golden boy (who's popularity alone had him upset) who received ATT votes in his first year for his performance in one game for a team that got swept, than followed it up with MVP votes after posting a 6 and 6 stat line.  As such, The Brat has waged war and has shown no signs of backing off anytime soon.  Something to watch: The Nature Boy is notorious for not responding to criticism, but secretly developing a distaste for a person that can't be reversed.  I expect the gloves to come off when the two square off if PCTI5 ever happens.

3. The Actor vs. Everyone but McKinney:

I'm not sure I've ever seen one person's reputation steadily decline in a more impressive fashion than The Actor's has.  Whether it's by choice of his own, or his peers growing tired of trying to figure out if he's in or out of character, everyone is over it.  He's doing a hell of a job at turning people against him.  After year 1, The Actor walked out with only Pitto against him.  As of last year, I can't confirm any fans of his acting outside of one Bryan McKinney, who should be crowned for not only his loyalty, but the fact that he consistently laughs at any of his jokes.  To top it off, he continued the ongoing calf joke as the reason he couldn't get together for a PCTI hoop session.  

4. Anthony Hopkins vs. Tri-Pod:

In what was one of the most shrewd front office moves I can remember, Abe Stephens snatched up his three members of the (formerly) Quad Pod in the draft, making it obvious he was ready to trim the fat of his group and turn the QP into what a group who claims to be known for quality partying and good looks should be... A group with only members that are good at partying and are good looking.  With no more A. Hops, they now have that.  The question will be if Hops will recognize that and leverage it into a dominant defensive PCTI5 performance, or he will play dumb and try to tag along with this group of pretty boys.

5. The Don vs. Jeff Sabin:

This one came out of nowhere and hit the PCTI email chain like a ton of bricks. No one is quite sure how this former bromance turned rivalry will shake out, but I imagine it will intensify after Sabin delivering a crushing burn to Donley, one that left him speechless for the first time I can remember.  

PCTIV Dates Announced, Wall Street Reacts

In what has been one of the most tumultuous quarters in company history, the PCTI Bored of Directors have finally announced May 22-25 as the official time for PCTIV, in Denver, CO.

The late announcement and overly volatile off season can be attributed to a few things.. PCTI CEO Fruit Man Dan has been in an ongoing proxy battle with activist hedge fund manager Anthony Hopkins and his company, Quad Pod Investments.  Hopkins, like his mentor Carl Icahn, is known for his behind the scenes efforts in rallying high profile employees in an effort to overthrow the leadership group to be able to extract value that his company believes is not being tapped.

Additionally, the PCTI Bored has been in an ongoing fight to avoid a Union from forming.  Joe Thompson's efforts to convince fellow employees they aren't being treated properly and don't have the voice he believes they deserve is starting to gain steam.

PCTI Holdings (symbol: PCTI) is up 10% in pre-market trading with the news an agreement has been made. Goldman Sach's has upgraded the company to "Buy" status, citing PCTI's market share and lack of competition as reasons the company is a good play long term.  

Found Some!

Plano Gazette - 12/11

 

More than four years after launching the most successful basketball tournament the world has ever known, PCTI is on life support as its BORED of Directors has failed to finalize a date for spring competition. Routinely held in April, the tourney is beloved by its 16 members and generally called the best weekend of the year.

However, for reasons unknown to anyone, the exclusive league’s commissioner and assistants have deferred the task of setting dates to two players, one whose wife is pregnant and the other who is pursuing higher education. Meanwhile, the 14 other players in the club remain unsatisfied and confused as to the lingering malaise of what participant Petrick Higden calls "undecisions."

"Look, we’re all happy for Dumley. He is a good guy and is the best swordfighter in PCTI. But seriously, are you kidding me? You can’t tell your wife to bring a child into the world on any other month outside of April? That should’ve been the first thing that entered his mind when his woman started asking for his seed. We can all do math…9 months back from April is July. Just don’t get busy in July!", Higden stated.

Not to be outdone, other players expressed their disgust and outright disdain for the current leadership of the PCTI hierarchy. One such player is Brant Carnie, whose conflict of interest as both player and member of the BOD was evident as he ranted: "I’m so sick of PCTI not being set up. If it’s not set up, then I can’t get around not helping my fiancé with our wedding. Speaking of things I’m sick of, I’m so sick of people not thinking I’m a good basketball player even though I’ve been drafted in the first round of every tournament. I’m also sick of Michael Beasley because I’m much at better at basketball than him and he’s not that good-looking! I mean, dammit, when are people gonna see how great I am?"

Some analysts are beginning to whisper that V will actually never occur, sparking debate about whether PCTI’s glory days are already behind it. Tony Hopkens temporarily assuaged those fears by confidently proclaiming "Everybody just needs to turn down the volume a little bit. There’s a lot of noise right now in the lamestream media suggesting the tournament won’t happen this season. I’m here to tell you it will. I’ve just got to get this accounting class out of the way first. And I know most people think that accounting has never generated wealth for anybody, and they’re right, but it’s something that is important to me and therefore important to PCTI."

The utterance by Hopkens added fuel to an already combustible fire. As we caught up with PCTI’s most outrageous personality, Mike Smo, there was a palpable sensation that the raging inferno had reached critical mass. He voiced his displeasure by stating "Listen here playboy….no, not over there, over here playa. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to say ‘I told you so?’ Pretty damn long, son! Chatty was the clear choice and we woulda already been on lock down from jumpstreet if I was runnin thangs, ya dig? But nah maine, we had to pick the coldest part of North America and let everybody get a say. Well guess what? Democracy ain’t the best way to run the show sometimes. Sometimes what you need is a benevolent dictator, and PCTI don’t got one! Now go and let your dome contemplate on that."

Of course, the more insidious part of this Greek tragedy is that there are no answers forthcoming. Some insiders tried to stage a coup in order to save PCTI, but quit the same day once they realized there was actual work to be done. At one point, the tourney seemed to gain traction with a date in June being suggested accompanied by a fallback plan of July 4^th. But the date in June never got off the ground since the majority of PCTI players didn’t vote. And July 4^th didn’t work either since PCTI’s brain trust forgot that day is our country’s birthday in which Americans spend time drinking, eating, and celebrating with family and friends.

Sadly, this tale remains an unanswered riddle. Will the tourney affectionately known as iiiii ultimately happen? Will Ben Wilson break his famed losing streak? Will this recent draft be consummated in actual game performance? These are questions that perhaps we will never know the answer to as PCTI’s long winter continues its deep and relentless malaise.

The last word in the morose saga comes from Bryan McKinney, who confirmed his confusion with no calendared tournament by screaming "…………………………………………………………???????????………………………………………………………………………………………………………………!!!!!!!..............................................................????..........................................!!..................................................................!!!!.......!!!"

This guy is Josh Pitto's dad.

V Extrapolation

I thought it might be fun to take a look at last year’s statistics and extrapolate them into PCTI V, assuming that we will ever have one. So I took the IV numbers for Esk, Pitto, McK, BC, Wilson, DK, Hops, and Smo and aggregated them into one set of totals. Then, the IV stats for JT, Sabin, Spot, Abe, Beas, Bruise, Donley, and Wes were aggregated into the other set. These are the findings:

FG%

Wilson’s team shot 137/370 last season for 37.0%, while Abe’s team shot 136/382 for 35.6%. Slight shooting advantage to Wilson’s team mainly due to the Pitto factor. But you have to think that Wes will give us a better performance than last season’s 0-10 hot mess.

3 Balls

Wilson’s team shot 44/152 for 28.9% last season, while Abe’s team shot 42/164 for 25.6%. Again, slight 3 ball shooting advantage to Wilson’s team even though neither team should boast about this category. More like which team is the least worst in this statistic.

Free Throws

Abe’s team shot 66/105 for 62.9% last season, while Wilson’s team shot 45/91 for 49.5%. Abe’s team got more attempts and shot a better percentage. This may be misleading since both Pitto and Esk shot uncharacteristically low percentages last season and you can't count on that happening again. However, for self-proclaimed "fundamental basketball players", we sure do struggle with fundamental things like free throws.

Rebounds

Abe’s team grabbed 250 rebounds, 68 offensive, while Ben’s team grabbed 236 boards, 69 offensive. Abe’s group may have a slight advantage here with Abe, Donley, and Bruise as good rebounding bigs and solid rebounding guards JT and Beas. BC and Esk will need to go big in this category to mitigate the advantage. BC doesn’t always embrace his bigness or leftiness, so time will tell if he can lead his team and be BIG.

Points

Abe’s team scored 380 total points to Wilson’s team’s 363 total points. Slight advantage to Abe’s team. This only represents less than 3ppg difference, but given how difficult it has become to score in PCTI, this difference may be larger than what it seems. On second thought, 3ppg seems like a mountain to climb in terms of scoring. Large advantage to Abe’s team.

AT

Wilson’s team had 86 assists and 53 turnovers for an AT ratio of 1.6, while Abe’s team had 80 assists and 71 turnovers for an AT of 1.1. No surprise that DK and Esk are on the team that wins PCTI’s cutest and least relevant metric. Wilson’s team takes care of it a little bit better than Abe’s team, but this advantage may not mean much since PCTI’s career shooting percentage is 36%. Inability to convert turnovers into points hurts both teams here.

Blocks and Steals

Wilson’s team had 29 steals and 13 blocks for 42 total hustle points, while Abe’s team had 36 steals and 7 blocks for 43 total hustle points. Slight edge to Abe’s team with stealers JT, Beas, Donley, and even the old man. BC is the main block threat along with Pitto’s steals. Can Smo protect the rim for his team this season? Playboy has length.....

eFG%

Wilson’s team shot 43.0% when accounting for 3 balls, while Abe’s team shot 41.1%. Edge to Wilson’s team, but perhaps not as wide a margin to be significant. Like BC says, this thing comes down to who makes a couple a 3 balls at the right time.

Points per Shot

Abe’s team scored 0.99 points for every shot, while Wilson’s team scored 0.98. Dead heat. PCTI mainly comes down to which team gets the most shots, given that very few teams in its history have shot the ball well. Hi Kittens!

Conclusion

Statistics tell us that this could be a very evenly matched tournament. Wilson’s team will need above-average offensive performances from players who typically are not primary weapons, while Abe’s team may need some primary players to fill certain roles and sacrifice their scoring. Of course, this could all be irrelevant if we can’t get this weekend on the calendar at some point. Chaos and controversy reign at the moment….

Sabin

Dan the one man no one can stand

An unprecedented and seemingly inexplicable delay in the announcement of the date for PCTI IIIII has many within the league wondering if a leadership change is needed for one of the country's most widely heralded pick up basketball weekends.

PCTI boss Danny Krow has delayed an announcement for months, prompting speculation on his capability to lead. Krow is the puppet master of the “bored of directors” but lately has been too preoccupied with non-basketball affairs to pull the strings. Keeping with a long held personal tradition, Krow has once more evolved in to the type of person he has previously ridiculed. After years of lambasting anyone who used work as an excuse for...anything, Krow has disappeared in to the bowels of big business produce distribution. Some wonder if “Dan the one man corporate yes man,” thinks of PCTI as anything other than a networking tool he can use to mine for potential corporate talent.

Krow's excuses for the delay in a date are so inadequate that many wonder how he can even deliver them with a straight face. The one time respected leader has offered up three excuses for the delay, each seemingly more absurd than the other. For starters, Krow has tried to unfairly redirect the ire of impatient PCTI participants on to Scott Donley. Donley and his wife are expected the couple's first child in early 2014. Puzzlingly, Krow speaks of the exact time frame of the forthcoming arrival of Baby Donley as an unsolved mystery. It doesn't take recent first time parents (though Krow is one of those, too) to know that a baby's due date is usually “revealed” in the seconds after the baby's existence is confirmed. Still, Krow gives the impression that he and Donley are speaking regularly, waiting for news to break on his availability for PCTI. A decision that could have been made – and on Donley's end, probably was made - months ago.

Then there's the issue with Dan's number one pawn and cohort on the “bored” the scholar and man of letters himself, Anthony Hopkins. As if figuring out when a baby is going to be born isn't going to be difficult enough, Krow has the added task of trying to crack the code of when Hopkins will graduate. Certainly Hopkins knew the approximate time of his graduation before he ever logged in to his first graduate level webinar, yet somehow his impending graduation has PCTI in a holding pattern.

But both of these excuses make like Joe Thompson and pale in comparison to Krow's third date conflict he's juggling, the infamous Bryan McKinney fishing trip. Going in to his fifth year in PCTI, only two things have elicited any sort of emotion from McKinney: colorful language in the Rancho and Cilantro High School gymnasium and fucking with the dates of his fishing trip.

This is how I picture it.

A nervous Krow walks through a plate glass door and in to a nondescript, sparsely decorated State Farm office in Arizona. He faces a large wooden desk, meticulously clean. Behind the desk is a large leather chair, it is turned so Krow is facing its back. The blinds are closed and only creases of sunlight peak in the otherwise dark room.

Slowly, the chair turns around. A straight faced McKinney, dressed in chinos and a button up shirt, resembling a white Cliff Paul, lifts his chin up and peers through Krow with an unblinking stare.

After several seconds of silence that feel like hours, McKinney breaks the stare and looks at the wall, where a mounted Blue Gill hangs.

McKinney: That's a nice fish isn't it, Danny?

Danny: Ahh, man you know I don't...

McKinney, cutting him off: I'm not going to tell you the story of how I caught that fish, Daniel. You know fish stories...people tend to exaggerate....say things they really didn't do....sometimes things they...can't do. I'm not that kind of guy, Daniel.

(McKinney spins the computer monitor on his desk so it is facing Danny and silently motions Danny to look at the screen)

McKinney: Get in close, real close.

(McKinney with his left hand cups the back of Danny's head, moving it inches from the screen. Using his right he opens his Outlook Calendar to a week in the summer.)

McKinney, talking to Krow as if he is a child: See this week, Danny? This is the week for my fishing trip. Don't. Fuck. With. My. Fishing. Trip.

(McKinney lets go of Dan's head gently and slowly spins his chair back around)

McKinney: Now get the fuck out of here.

This is the only way I can conceive of this conversation happening. How else could the single quietest and easy going guy in PCTI have such influence over the date of PCTI? Certainly both he and Krow know everyone else takes other vacations during the course of the spring and summer months. But yet here is Krow, seemingly paralyzed by fear, incapable of considering a date until he knows with absolute certainly that it won't conflict with....pause again for emphasis....a got damned fishing trip.

So as the league waits, where does PCTI IIIII stand? Obviously the off season schedule has taken a major hit. How can we know when is the appropriate time to train, talk trash, buy plane tickets, etc. until we know when the off season ends?

One could argue that this PCTI more than any before it needs a date set. Do not forget that it was Krow himself that went against everything he had stood for previously (and perhaps his better judgment, though he's unlikely to admit it) to send this year's event to Denver. A daring and potentially reckless move considering weather could be drastically different in the spring versus the summer. Also, while he wowed the league with his presentation, this PCTI is in the hands of Abe. Read that last part of the sentence again before continuing. That's the guy who in years past didn't know who was on his team or bothered to book a flight until days before tip off. Now we're trusting him to plan an event that as of Thanksgiving, still doesn't even have so much as a preliminary date set.

Maybe PCTI is overdue on making two important decisions. Picking a weekend for IIIII and picking a successor to their distracted, incapable leader.